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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29297415">Bound Together</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirksbones/pseuds/kirksbones'>kirksbones</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe, Alternative Universe- Dom/Sub, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arranged Marriage, BDSM, Bonding, Bones is basically Jim's Older Brother, Childhood Trauma, Collars, Dom Spock (Star Trek), Dom/sub, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jim is 20, Jim is a Little Shit, Mentions of past abuse, Minor Character Death, Multi, Not With Spock, Oral Sex, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Underage Sex, Pike is Jim's Adoptive Father, Praise Kink, Smut, Spock is 24, Star Trek - Freeform, Star Trek: AOS, Sub James T. Kirk, Submission, Subspace, Therapy, Trauma Recovery, slow burn kinda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:55:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>61,610</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29297415</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kirksbones/pseuds/kirksbones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Federation is a government organization that holds extreme power over most of the galaxy. As the adopted son of one of the most important figures, Captain Christopher Pike, everyone is watching to see who submissive Jim Kirk will choose as his bonded dominant now that he is of age. The only problem is, Jim could not want a bond less.</p><p>Being the son of the Vulcan Ambassador of the Federation, Spock must make very careful selection in the submissive he chooses to bond with. The only problem is, Spock's most desired choice might not feel the same way.</p><p>This story takes place in an alternate dom/sub universe in which submissives are required by law to bond with dominants at the age of 21. The timeline in the story does not follow the exact timelines and events of other Star Trek media.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James T. Kirk/Spock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>143</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim Kirk's birthday wish is to not have to be bonded to a dominant.</p><p>He has a feeling it's not going to come true.</p><p>Dom/Sub Universe</p><p>There is mentions and brief descriptions of child abuse, sexual slavery, and non-con. Not super descriptive, but please be aware as you read.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is the first chapter of a multi chapter work about Jim and Spock becoming a bonded dominant and submissive pair.</p><p>It takes place in an alternate universe and timeline using Star Trek characters and events, so please be aware when things are not completely canon compliant; they aren't supposed to be.</p><p>The Federation is the ever powerful government of the star system. Pike is an admiral and very important figure in it. Pike adopted Jim as his own son when he rescued him from Tarsus IV. Bones is basically an older brother/ minor dom figure to Jim. </p><p>As mentioned in the summary, there are some mentions of child abuse, sexual slavery, and non-con. Not super descriptive but please be aware. Childhood trauma as well.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jim Kirk was roughly shaken awake on the morning of his 20th birthday.</p><p>"Go away," He murmured sleepily, slapping away at the hand firmly gripping his shoulder and attempting to burrow himself further under the silk blanket on his bed. The hand persisted though, and he was eventually pulled over and onto his back. The blanket was pulled off of his head and the bright sunshine glaring into his room caught him off guard. He squinted his eyes and hissed like a vampire, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness.</p><p>"You're so dramatic," The voice above him grumbled. Jim's eyes finally adjusted, and he blinked a few times before he was able to focus on the person who had so rudely awoken him.</p><p>"You couldn't have given me twenty more minutes, Bones?" Jim asked grumpily. He sat up in his bed, leaning back against the pillows and cushioned headboard and allowing the comforter to pool around his bare stomach. Leaning over him was his best- albeit only- friend Bones; known to most as one of the most prestige medical officers in the Federation, Leonard McCoy.</p><p>Bones ignored him and held up the hand that hadn't so rudely forced Jim to consciousness. In it he was holding a red iced cupcake with a single candle sticking out of it. "Happy birthday, kid."</p><p>Jim's face softened. He felt like he was turning 10 instead of 20 the way he quickly took the cupcake out of Bones' hands and held it in his own. Bones just laughed quietly at him and pulled a lighter out of his pocket to light it.</p><p>"Aren't you gonna sing me 'happy birthday'?" Jim asked with a grin. </p><p>"Just blow out your candle, Jim" Bones grunted. Jim snickered but blew out the flame nonetheless.</p><p>"What'd you wish for?" Bones asked, putting away the lighter and watching as Jim peeled the wrapper off his cupcake and took a bite.</p><p>"If I told you that, then my wish wouldn't come true, silly goose," Jim answered through a mouthful of cake and icing.</p><p>That earned him an eye roll. "Just don't get any of that on the bedding. You already give the maids a hard enough time as is."</p><p>Jim finished his cupcake quickly, crumbling the wrapper and tossing it onto his nightstand. Bones scowled at him and picked it up. He walked over to Jim's bathroom doors, pushing them open and throwing it into the bathroom trash can. He left the doors open and turned back to Jim. "You need to get up and get ready. Your old man wants to see you as soon as possible."</p><p>Jim groaned and threw himself melodramatically back down onto his bed. "For what? It's my birthday."</p><p>"Yeah, I think he's aware of that," Bones replied. "Now get up and get dressed before I drag you downstairs as you are."</p><p>Jim pantomimed stabbing himself in the gut and twisting the knife. He played dead until he heard the impatient clearing of Bones' throat. Bones had more patience for him than most, but Jim was ever the disobedient thing. Jim forced himself out of bed and stalked over to his closet in his pajamas to pick out something to wear. Jim had more clothes than he knew what to do with. He didn't wear most of them, but appearances and expectations called for him to have a different outfit for almost every occasion. He had also spent years being spoiled by not just his adoptive father, but several of Pike's friends and associates. He would probably have to reorganize the closet again after whatever presents he was gifted for today. Wanting to be somewhere in between casual, Jim found a pair of black pants, a white shirt, and a grey cardigan. </p><p>Bones remained leaning against the wall outside the bathroom as Jim closed the doors to shower. He adjusted the temperature and water pressure settings of the shower and stepped inside. It had been 12 years since had been rescued from his disastrous life on Tarsus IV and brought to live here on Earth by the commendable Christopher Pike. The 3 years of life he had spent on the dried out, starving planet had caused Jim to never stop appreciating the luxuries that accompanied his life now, no matter how much he complained about the responsibilities and formalities associated with it.</p><p>Usually Jim liked to take significantly longer showers, but he could practically feel Bones' impatience seeping through the walls. He got out, drying himself quickly with a towel and pulling on his clothes. He sprayed a couple spurts of cologne over himself, brushed his teeth, and rubbed some moisturizer into his skin before opening the doors dramatically and making a show of displaying his outfit to Bones. </p><p>Bones just grunted in approval at him and led the way out of the bedroom.</p><p>They made their way through the luxury Pike home. Like all Federation officials, Pike had been gifted an incredible roof over his head as thanks for his service. The house was three stories tall, with enough bedrooms to house Jim, Pike, Bones, and the various housekeepers and workers that resided there. Jim was also gifted the use of spare rooms for indulgent things like game rooms and tennis courts.</p><p>Bones was not Pike's son, through blood or through adoption. He was simply a doctor that Pike had hired right out of medical school five years ago to accompany Pike and his crew on long distance journeys. Pike captained the Enterprise; a vessel whose job largely revolved around travelling to other planets within the system and working to improve their quality of life by offering aid and relief to those in need, while also working to maintain relationships between populations. </p><p>Bones himself had come from a small town in Georgia here on Earth. His folks had just enough money to put him through medical school at Starfleet Academy, and his dissertation on the work of the Enterprise had caught Pike's attention enough for the man to offer him a job within the crew as soon as Bones had graduated. Bones had his own place for a while, but when things didn't work out between him and his wife, Pike had offered him to stay with himself and his son. It had been three years since then, and Bones had somehow taken on the role of being a mentor-like figure to Jim. Jim's past prevented him from trusting pretty much anyone, and he had somehow found himself incredibly comfortable around the booze-drinking, grumbling doctor.</p><p>"Did he say what he wanted to talk to me about?" Jim asked as they turned the corner headed for Pike's study.</p><p>Bones ignored him and kept walking. They reached the doors, and Bones knocked on it twice.</p><p>"Come in!" Came Pike's call. Bones pushed the doors open and stepped aside, gesturing for Jim to enter ahead. Jim ducked his head and obeyed.</p><p>Pike was sitting at his desk, reading something on his PADD. His eyes snapped up to the two men who had entered, and smiled warmly at Jim. "Happy birthday, Jim."</p><p>"Thank you," Jim replied politely. He didn't call Pike "dad". He had known his actual dad, and the memories of him were still too fresh to transfer the title to anyone else. Pike- generous man that he was- never seemed to mind.</p><p>"Have a seat, Jim." Pike gestured to one of the chairs placed in front of the desk. Jim sat and began tapping his leg rapidly on the floor. Bones remained standing behind him, leaning against the wall in between the door and Pike's bookshelf.</p><p>"It's hard to believe you're twenty years old today, Jim," Pike started. "Feels like just yesterday you were ten and learning to swim in the pool for the first time."</p><p>Jim chuckled quietly at the memory. He could see it in his head. He had never known how to swim before. Growing up on Tarsus IV, there was never a reason for him to know how. When he moved in with Pike, he had avoided the large swimming pool in the backyard at all costs. He knew he couldn't swim, and had been terrified he would fall in on accident and drown. Then one summer, Pike had delicately helped him into the pool, standing in the shallow end right beside Jim as he learned how to kick and paddle through the water for the first time.</p><p>"With becoming an adult in our world comes certain responsibilities," Pike said. He didn't elaborate further, but he gave Jim a pointed look that spoke volumes. </p><p>Jim nearly shot up from his chair in anger. "This is about bonding, isn't it?" </p><p>"Jim-" pike began but Jim cut him off. He turned around to glare at Bones. "Did you know that this is what we were gonna talk about before we got down here?"</p><p>Bones held up his hands in defense. "Don't shoot the messenger, kid." </p><p>"Jim, sit down," Pike said sternly. Jim turned back to him with a scowl, but sat down anyway. </p><p>"I've already told you I have no interest in being bonded," Jim said.</p><p>Pike sighed. "You know it doesn't work like that, Jim. You're twenty years old. In one year, Federation mandate is going to crack down on you. If you're not legally bonded, they'll randomly assign you a dominant."</p><p>"And I've already told you I have no problem with that," Jim snapped. "I'll get legally bonded to some rando, stay with him for the mandated six months, then dissolve the bond. Then I can just live as a divorced sub."</p><p>"Maybe that would work if you were a civilian, but you're not. You're a federation official submissive."</p><p>"And whose doing is that?" Jim asked sourly. He immediately regretted it. A hurt look crossed Pike's face, but he did his best to hide it. Jim could hear Bones suck in a breath of air behind him.</p><p>"You wish I hadn't?" Pike asked quietly.</p><p>Jim shook his head. "No, no sir, not at all. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. It's just frustrating that neither of you understand what I would have to give up."</p><p>Pike looked at him thoughtfully. His expression softened. "I understand you're afraid to have a dominant given... past experiences. But given your position in our society, you would be bonded with a social equal. The dominants in the Federation are very respectable people. They would not abuse you through the power of the bond."</p><p>"You don't know that," Jim's voice was almost a whisper. He forced himself to tap his fingers on the arm of the chair; to try and think about anything other than the dominants of his childhood.</p><p>Pike looked at him sadly. There was no doubt in Jim's mind he was imagining Jim as he had first met him; a starving, shaking young boy chained to a wall with a collar four sizes too big around his throat. Jim himself shuddered at the memory.</p><p>"Jim," Pike leaned across the desk and held a hand out to Jim. Jim reached his own hand up and placed it in his father's. "I have a responsibility as the dominant responsible for you to find you a bondmate. But I also have a responsibility to you as a father figure. I don't want to force you into anything. I just want you to be cared for. That's all I've ever wanted. I'm going to try my hardest to find you a loving, respectful dominant. All I'm asking is for you try."</p><p>Jim sighed. After an emotional statement like that, how could he say no? Reluctantly, he nodded his head. Pike gave his hand a gentle squeeze.</p><p>*****</p><p>George Kirk was an aspiring starship captain.</p><p>He had wanted to find a job within the Federation; captaining one of the voyages dedicated to planet discovery and exploration. He had absolutely no connections to anyone with any power, however, and he had to work his way up from the bottom. He put himself through Starfleet by working odd jobs and picking up work with shady crews. His young wife and bonded submissive, Winona, remained at home caring for their infant son, James Tiberius; named after both of their fathers.</p><p>Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, George was presented with the opportunity to be part of the Kelvin crew. The Kelvin's mission was to discover planets that had yet to be inhabited. George and Winona had been bonded for nearly a decade; James- now nicknamed Jim- was five. Before departing on their Kelvin mission, the pair had decided to get Jim's blood tested to determine his status. George was already hoping for his son to be a dominant just like him, so he could carry on the captaincy.</p><p>This was not the case. Jim Kirk's blood work came back definitively positive; he was a submissive.</p><p>Jim's earliest distinct memories were overhearing his parents in their quarters aboard the Kelvin, debating his status.</p><p>"I'm a sub, too, George. Do you think less of me?"</p><p>"Of course not. But subs don't captain ships."</p><p>'Who's to say Jim even wants to captain a ship?"</p><p>"Who's to say he doesn't? Now we'll have to find him a dominant for him. Someone to collar and control our son."</p><p>"Is that what you do to <i>me<i>, George?"</i></i></p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Don't take that tone with me!"</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Jim covered his ears with his pillow in his bed.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The Kelvin was on its way to Romulus for a formal peace negotiation when it began experiencing engine trouble. George was on the bridge. Winona was sitting in their quarters, reading a book to Jim when the ship began to shake. Winona dropped the book and kept one hand gripping Jim's arm; the other fidgeting nervously with her collar.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>As the ship's first officer, George was running around, desperately trying to help the engineering crew determine the problem. But it was too late. </i>
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</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The ship crashed onto the desolate planet of Tarsus IV. </i>
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</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Jim didn't remember much. He remembered hugging his mother tightly, burying his face in her tunic and feeling the tag of her collar on top of his head. He remembered the vibrations of the ship around him. He remembered wondering where his father was.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>The next thing he knew, he was laying in dust. His head ached terribly. His body was rather sore. He sat up. Somehow, Jim had been thrown away from the wreckage of the ship. Nearby, he saw the remnants of it; torn to pieces and burst into flames. He could see no bodies around him.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>"Mommy? Daddy?" He called out. No answer. Jim realized his head was bleeding. He began to wail. He was five years old; alone and bleeding on a deserted planet.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>Jim wandered near the wreckage. "Mommy? Daddy?" He called again. No answer. </i></i></p><p>
  <i>
    <i></i>
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</p><p>
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    <i></i>
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</p><p>"Are you lost, little one?" </p><p>Jim snapped his head around at the voice behind him. A tall man with grey hair and a mustache dressed in all black was standing behind him.</p><p>"Do you know where mommy and daddy are?" Jim asked quietly through the tears.</p><p>The man smiled down at him. "Of course. I am Kodos, the governor of this planet. Come with me, young child. I will help you." He held out a hand.</p><p>Jim had no idea what was in his future. He took the man's hand.</p><p>*****</p><p>Jim woke up screaming. </p><p>He could feel Kodos' hands on his shoulders; holding him still. He could feel other hands roaming his body. He could hear the jingle of the collar and leash around his neck.</p><p>Hands were on Jim in real life; desperately shaking him awake. Jim opened his eyes to see Bones sitting on the side of his bed. He held Jim's shoulders tightly. Jim was panting heavily; tears streaming down his face and breath coming out raggedly.</p><p>"Jim," Bones said. "Jim, calm down. You're okay. Breathe."</p><p>Jim listened; looking into Bones' eyes and doing everything he could to control his breath. As much as Jim would hate and thrash against the submissive nature within him, he could never deny the comfort being instructed by a dominant he trusted gave him. Bones could never be his bondmate; there was too much brotherly love there. But Bones still lightly dominated him when needed. He gave Jim directions and aided Pike in offering the structure that an independent submissive needed.</p><p>"Sorry," Jim breathed out when he finally settled. Bones was still rubbing soothing hands up and down Jim's arms.</p><p>"You don't have to apologize," Bones replied. He did a good job of always keeping his face composed; but the worry was clear in his eyes. "Are you okay?"</p><p>"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just a bad dream."</p><p>Bones handed him a glass of water from the nightstand. He must've brought it by for Jim. Jim took it and obediently drank. Bones watched him expectantly as he finished it.</p><p>"You're having dreams again, Jim?" Bones asked, taking the empty glass from Jim and rubbing his thumb over the side of it.</p><p>Jim looked away, fidgeting with the hem of his comforter. "It's not a big deal, Bones."</p><p>"It is a big deal, Jim," Bones' voice was stern now; all dominant. It was so effortless for Bones. Jim wondered why things didn't work out for Bones and his submissive, but it never felt right to ask. "If you're having flashbacks you need to tell me. We can get you on medication for it."</p><p>Jim wanted to argue further, but was sure it would be for no payoff. He simply nodded.</p><p>"You think it has something to do with the potential bonding in your future?"</p><p>Jim gave him a look. "I don't want to talk about that."</p><p>"You know you'll have to eventually."</p><p>"It's not something I have to worry about now. It'll take Pike a while to find me a suitor anyway."</p><p>Bones shook his head. "He's been looking longer than you think. He's already narrowed down the list pretty short."</p><p>This was the first Jim had heard of this. He recalled a conversation about bonding when he turned 16. Pike had explained to him that a submissive of his adopted status would be expected to bond with a dominant in their social class. Jim had lashed out, yelling at Pike about how he would never submit fully to anyone again. Pike had never brought up the conversation again until this previous morning. </p><p>"He's been doing this behind my back all this time?" Jim snapped.</p><p>"Do you blame him?" Bones retorted.</p><p>Jim was quiet. He met Bones' eyes again. The doctor was watching him with an expression Jim couldn't quite read.</p><p>"Do you know the dominants he's found?" Jim asked quietly.</p><p>Bones hesitated to respond, but nodded. "Think you've met a couple of them here and there. They're all either with the Federation themselves or have parents who are."</p><p>"Great. A nepotism bonding," Jim grumbled. Bones actually chuckled at that."Can you just give this a shot? For your old man's sake?"</p><p>Jim frowned at him. "I am giving this a shot. But you have no idea what it's like for me. Neither does he. You're both doms. What would you know about signing your life away to someone else?"</p><p>Bones didn't answer. Jim assumed it was because he couldn't.</p><p>Bones got up then, placing a kiss to Jim's temple as he did. "Get some sleep, Jim. Tell me if you have any dreams. That's an order."</p><p>Jim resisted the urge to throw his pillow at Bones' back as he left the room and instead settled for burying his face in his bedding and screaming to himself.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Christopher Pike exhaled a long sigh.</p><p>He had spent most of the morning in his Federation Building office reviewing mission reports from the expeditions that were currently out doing philanthropy on the struggling Federation planets. He was attempting to focus on The USS March's descriptions of social conflicts on Betazed but his mind was elsewhere.</p><p>He hadn't exactly expected Jim to react positively to the news of his upcoming bonding. And, well, Pike couldn't blame him.</p><p>The Enterprise's visit to Tarsus IV had the goal of ending the hunger and drought that plagued the planet. What the Federation was unaware of, was that the planet was also home to one of the solar system's worst sex trafficking rings. Submissives were kidnapped as children. They were not bonded to one individual but sold to owners as slaves where they were often forced to submit to the masses. He and his crew had gone through the camps where these submissives were imprisoned. They freed children, teens, and adults like; all of whom were riddled with clear physical and emotional damage. In the very last cell Pike had been to, he saw a young boy huddled in the corner. He was clearly severely malnourished. His body was littered with bruises, scratches, bite marks, and he was bleeding rather fresh blood. When he had been brought on board the enterprise, it turns out he had two broken ribs. The boy looked up at Pike fearfully; his hair was sandy blonde. His eyes were a piercing shade of blue. He cowered away from Pike when he entered the cell, causing the chain attaching the boy to the wall to rattle.</p><p>"I'm not going to hurt you," Pike had said. "I'm going to make sure no one ever hurts you again. I swear on my life." </p><p>And Pike had done everything he could to keep his promise. He legally adopted Jim and cared for the boy like he was his own son. He had gotten Jim countless therapists and did everything he could to help the boy cope with his trauma. He spoiled the boy rotten with nice clothes, toys, gourmet meals, anything he wanted. Pike couldn't have biological children, and his bonded submissive wife had died of illness two years before he found Jim scared and alone in a cell. </p><p>But Jim was a submissive. The young man could deny it all he wanted, but it was in his nature. Pike had done all he could to combine being a father figure with being a guiding dominant. He had enlisted McCoy's help when it was clear his medical officer apprentice bonded well with his adopted son. Together, they had done what they could to give Jim the separation from dominance he needed, while also acknowledging that it was in his biology to <i>need</i> dominance. Pike knew he would one day be tasked with finding a dominant to bond with Jim. And while he knew how terribly Jim would resist it, it would be what his son needed. And Pike had sworn to always provide the boy's needs.</p><p>Pike sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair. He was doing the right thing. He had to assure himself of that. Jim's natural biological chemistry made him submissive. Just in the way that Pike needed to dominate (and had done so with his wife until her passing), Jim needed to submit. Pike hated to admit that many of Jim's personal struggles came from his refusal to do so to anyone.</p><p>Pike looked at the framed photo sitting at the edge of his desk. It was one of he and Jim. Jim was 14. They were on a beach on vacation. Jim was smiling rather brightly. As Pike stared at the photo fondly, a rapt knock came to his office door. </p><p>Pike straightened himself up in his chair and cleared his throat. "Come in," He called.</p><p>The figure that entered his office was tall with silver and black hair, pointed ears, and small dark eyebrows. He wore long, grey robes.</p><p>"Ah, Sarek," Pike greeted. "Please, have a seat." He gestured to the empty chair on the other side of his desk. Sarek nodded at him politely and sat.</p><p>Sarek was the Vulcan ambassador of the Federation. He had moved to San Francisco a few years ago with his mate and son to work closely wit the Federation in maintaining diplomatic relations between Earth and Vulcan. Pike had only ever met a few Vulcans in his life, but Sarek was as typical an example of one as he could think.</p><p>The two men stared at each other for a moment, making intense eye contact. This was typical of two dominants. There had to be an understanding of equality of power. Both men tilted their heads back slightly, exposing their throats. The message was clear: neither were a threat to one another.</p><p>"What is it you wished to discuss with me, Admiral?" Sarek asked.</p><p>Pike cleared his throat slightly. "How old is your son, Ambassador?"</p><p>Sarek quirked an eyebrow but answered nonetheless. "He has just recently turned 24. He is currently aiding me on my work with Vulcan social issues."</p><p>"He always was a smart kid," Pike said thoughtfully. Sarek hummed in agreement. "You see, ambassador, you might know that my son, James, is a submissive."</p><p>Sarek nodded. "I do. And I would deduce that you know Spock is a dominant."</p><p>Pike nodded. "I guess you can assume why I've asked you to meet today, then."</p><p>"You wish to consult me about arranging a bond between Spock and James," Sarek answered.</p><p>Pike nodded again.</p><p>"I must confess that I do not know how compatible the two would be," Sarek murmured.</p><p>"You think Spock wouldn't like him?" Pike asked.</p><p>Sarek shook his head. "It is not a matter of liking or disliking, Admiral. It is a matter of devotion to the bond. Vulcans not only bond dominants with submissives, but they bond partners for life. You are familiar with the pon farr ritual?" Pike hummed his understanding. "My understanding is that James has little interest in being bonded to a dominant. Spock would be seeking a submissive who would devote themselves fully to him. And he would in turn devote himself fully to his bondmate. I have doubts that Jim would be willing or capable of doing so."</p><p>Pike frowned and placed a hand on his chin thoughtfully. Sarek wasn't wrong. Jim did not want to be bonded or dominated. He had every intention of dissolving the bond as soon as he would be able to. So no, Pike couldn't exactly see the young man bonding to anyone for life. But at the same time, Pike knew Sarek's son fairly well. He was smart, talented, dedicated. If anyone would be capable of making Jim submit, Pike was certain it would be him.</p><p>"I understand your concerns," Pike said. "It's true that Jim isn't particularly <i>enthusiastic</i> about getting a dominant, but he really is a good kid. Genuinely submissive when he chooses to be. He is respectful and kind too. He just struggles with submitting willingly because of his upbringing. I'm sure you've heard." It was Sarek's turn to hum his understanding. "Additionally, Ambassador, I can't help but think of the social and political strengths that would result from the bond. It's no secret the two of us are very influential. James and Spock are expected to follow in our footsteps. It would be a nice share of power."</p><p>Sarek was quiet for a while, clearly considering. "It is a long process to arrange a proper bond; especially for a bond of this status."</p><p>"That it is," Pike agreed.</p><p>Sarek sighed. "Well, I suppose it would be logical to begin the first step as quickly as possible then."</p><p>Pike couldn't help the way his face lit up slightly. "You agree to the bond, then?"</p><p>"I agree to the initial stage. My mate and I will come to your home to meet James. If that meeting goes well, we will pursue the second step of holding a meeting at our own home for you to meet Spock. Is this agreeable to you?"</p><p>"Certainly," Pike replied. He held his hand out, and the Vulcan leaned forward to shake it firmly in agreement.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>"I don't understand why I need a new outfit for this," Jim grumbled.</p><p>He and Bones were standing in the middle of a high end boutique downtown, accompanied by one of Pike's hired security guards. </p><p>"You're meeting your potential bondmate's parents, Jim. You're expected to look nice," Bones replied in annoyance. They had been shopping for a couple hours now, with Jim having spent most of that time complaining about the upcoming meeting instead of actually looking for anything to wear.</p><p>"I already have plenty of nice clothes at home," Jim responded as he held up a a light blue collared shirt with minimal interest.</p><p>"Chris told you to pick something new, so pick something new," Bones said firmly. Bones was using his dom voice. It earned him a glare from Jim, but the younger man started to look more genuinely through the racks of clothes.</p><p>Jim grabbed a soft maroon shirt, patterned with black stripes and a collar. He held it up for Bones' approval.</p><p>Bones nodded. "You have pants to go with it or you need to buy some?"</p><p>"Bones, I have more pants than I know what to do with," Jim answered pointedly. </p><p>Bones snorted. "Fine, let's go, then."</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Jim was wearing said maroon shirt three days later as he paced his room nervously. </p><p>He had styled it with a pair of dark brown slacks. He stared at himself in the long mirror that hung on his wall. He frowned. His hair didn't quite look right. Pike had forced him into getting a haircut the day before, wanting him to look as neat and clean as possible for the couple entering their home. Jim scrutinized his features and outfit in the mirror. Why was he even caring what he looked like? He didn't want to impress these people. Pike and Bones had both refused to tell him who exactly his potential suitor was, but he was certain it was some business associate of theirs. Jim didn't want to make such a bad impression that it would tarnish either of their reputations, but he certainly didn't want these people throwing him at their son. </p><p>Oh, that was the only detail Jim got. It was a he.</p><p>A knock to his bedroom door brought him out of his thoughts. "Come in," He said in annoyance.</p><p>The door opened to reveal Bones. Jim wanted to laugh at the sight of him, but was almost certain Bones would pinch him rather hard for doing so. Bones, who was rarely in anything nicer than his medical tunic, was wearing a white collared shirt with a black tie and black dress pants and shoes.</p><p>"Why, Bonesy, dressed like that I ought to bond with you instead," He teased.</p><p>Bones glowered at him. "Never call me Bonesy again. That's an order." Jim rolled his eyes as Bones came to stand beside him in front of the mirror, adjusting his tie. "And for the record, Chris and I both have to look our best as well to sell <i>you</i>. It looks better on you for them to see you've been raised by such sophisticated and caring dominants."</p><p>Jim snorted. "I had no idea you were going to be sitting in."</p><p>Bones shrugged and reached over to fix Jim's hair. Jim tried to swat his hands away, but Bones fixed him with the dominant <i>watch-yourself-kid</i> look in the mirror. "It's custom for two people to be present on behalf of each party at these things. And unfortunately for you, I'm all you got."</p><p>Bones straightened Jim's shirt too and even had the audacity to adjust his pants slightly. Finally, he took a step back and gave Jim an approving once-over. "Alright. Let's go down and wait."</p><p>Bones turned to leave, but Jim grabbed his wrist and stopped him. Bones looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Everything okay, kid?" </p><p>Jim opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He just let out a shaky breath. Bones was closer to him in an instant, grabbing jim on either side of his arms and hugging him tightly. He pulled back to see the slight tears in Jim's eyes.</p><p>"Why are you upset, Jimmy?" The nickname was only ever used in Bones' sappiest moments.</p><p>"It's stupid," Jim mumbled.</p><p>"Tell me."</p><p>"I'm just a terrible submissive, aren't I? I know what I'm supposed to want and need, but I'm so broken I won't even accept it. What if these people, what if this dominant, sees that? No one would ever want me. I would be Pike's greatest disappointment." </p><p>"Oh, Jim," Bones said sadly. He put a hand under Jim's chin, lifting blue eyes to meet his. "Chris would never be disappointed in you and you know that. And you're not a bad submissive. The things you've been through are terrible. No one blames you for how you feel. And as for these people- well, they're batshit crazy if they don't like you."</p><p>Jim smiled at him then, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. "Can I ask you something, Bones?"</p><p>"Anything, kid."</p><p>"How come you never tried to get rebonded? After things didn't work out with you and your wife?"</p><p>Bones looked slightly uncomfortable as he opened his mouth to answer. Before he could say anything, Pike's voice rang out to them. "Get down here now! They're here!"</p><p>Bones patted Jim on the cheek. "Well, kid, let's get this show on the road."</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Jim wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn't the sight before him.</p><p>Sitting on the white sofa of their living room was a Vulcan man, and kneeling on a floorpad at his feet was a human woman. The Vulcan was tall and broad, with hair a silvery black mix and pointed ears. He was dressed nicely in dark brown robes. The human woman at his feet was dressed in a matching colored dress and headwrap. She had tanned skin and long, dark brown hair braided neatly over one shoulder. She wore a black leather collar with a silver tag hanging from it labeled "Sarek." </p><p>The sight of the woman kneeling and wearing a collar marking her as her husband's was slightly overwhelming for Jim. Sure, out in public he had seen countless displays of submissive behavior like this. There was a reason they handed out floorpads in restaurants these days. But still, he was realizing he would now have to imagine himself in this same position with their son. He barely held in his shudder.</p><p>Jim himself was sitting on the floor, but not kneeling. He merely sat on a pillow in front of the opposite couch, next to where Bones' legs rested on the floor. Pike sat a little ways away from Bones on the other end of the couch. Everyone was sitting straight; too straight, too formal.</p><p>"Shall we begin?" The Vulcan- Sarek, Jim would assume if the collar was any indication- asked. </p><p>"Certainly," Pike answered. "Sarek, Amanda, this is my son, James." Jim opened his mouth slightly to correct him that he preferred Jim, but Bones kneed him gently in the back. It was a silent but firm warning of <i>don't speak unless you're spoken to</i></p><p>"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, James," Sarek answered. Amanda said nothing, but she was looking at him kindly. Jim wondered if she needed permission to speak.</p><p>"It is a pleasure to meet you as well," Jim replied in his best formal tone. Bones didn't knee him again, so he assumed his response was acceptable.</p><p>"Have you met our son, Spock?" Sarek asked. Jim hated the way the Vulcan was looking at him. It was as though he was examining every little aspect of Jim; trying to determine if he was good enough for their precious boy.</p><p>"No, sir, I do not believe I have," Jim answered. He wanted to kick himself for the way he was speaking.</p><p>"We will see if that will change, then," Sarek said.</p><p>Jim simply nodded and dropped his gaze to his lap where he began fidgeting with his hands. Pike said something then, but Jim wasn't really tuned into the conversation. They went back and forth discussing. Jim was mostly drowning out the sound of their voices and convincing himself he was utterly fascinated with his own fingers. Bones eventually joined in on the conversation. When Jim lifted his head slightly, he realized they were talking about <i>him</i> They were discussing his temperament, his behavior, what Spock would need to work on with him. They were making it sound like he was a puppy at the animal shelter being adopted. The dog-like treatment reminded him of being chained up in Kodo's quarters and he felt himself beginning to tremble slightly. Bones placed a hand to the back of his neck to still him, rubbing gentle circles into the bone there with his thumb</p><p>
  Jim glanced up at Amanda then. She was still kneeling perfectly straight, eyes focused ahead and silently listening to the conversation. She met Jim's eyes for a brief moment, and he swore he saw a flash of reassurance there.
</p><p>
  Jim wasn't sure how long it was before people began standing. He only moved when Bones nudged him with his leg, and he went to stand between the two men behind him. 
</p><p>
  "Thank you for your time," Pike said. He and Bones both shook hands with Sarek and nodded politely at Amanda.
</p><p>
  "Yes, thank you," Sarek replied. "We look forward to welcoming you into our home this week. Spock will be glad to meet you and hear of the progression towards bonding."
</p><p>
  Oh? So it had gone well? Jim had been oblivious to the whole thing. But now he felt a lump in his throat at the knowledge that he was really one step closer to being a bonded submissive.
</p><p>
  Sarek turned to Jim then. "Thank you for meeting us, Jim."
</p><p>
  "Thank you for considering me, sir," Jim answered quietly. He could practically feel Pike and Bones' surprise at his statement, but ignored it in favor of staring at the floor again as Pike went to escort their guests out.
</p><p>
  When Jim heard the door shut, he turned around to Bones.
</p><p>
  "You didn't tell me he was Vulcan."
</p><p>
  "Half-Vulcan," Bones corrected.
</p><p>
  Jim rolled his eyes. "Like it makes a difference. Did you see the way that Vulcan treated her? Like she was his pet or something. Or a slave." More memories of chains and collars and Kodo. 
</p><p>
  "It was one meeting," Bones said, exasperated. He walked into the kitchen to pour himself a drink and Jim followed. "You did good, kid. Can you just be optimistic about this for one day?"
</p><p>
  "Fine," Jim grumbled. He leaned quietly against the kitchen island as Bones drank a glass of bourbon. He could hear Pike going upstairs to do something, but he wasn't concerned with it at the moment.
</p><p>
  "What did they mean by you guys going over there this week?" Jim asked.
</p><p>
  Bones took a swig of his glass. "The meeting stage goes both ways. Pike and I have to go meet Spock. Once we make sure he's not a total psycho, then you two get to meet." Bones smirked at him then and Jim thought about hitting him, but was sure Bones would just pin him easily.
</p><p>
  He opted to stand there and gulp anxiously instead.
</p><p>
  Bones came over and swung a loose arm around Jim's shoulders. He smelt like bourbon already. 
</p><p>
  "Relax, kid. How intimidating can this Spock guy be?"
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading! Updates will be at least twice a week ideally.</p><p>Any feedback is appreciated.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spock learns of the news of his potential bonding and reflects.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you all for your support on this work.</p><p>If there are any Vulcan translations needed they'll be in the endnotes.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spock woke up to the sound of beeping.</p><p>He was still rather tired- he had been busy working on his thesis the night before and had foolishly lost track of time- but he knew he had many responsibilities to attend to. Begrudgingly, he instructed his beeping alarm clock to silence itself and pulled himself out of the warmth of the comforter surrounding him. He stood and made the bed neatly. He was always precise with things like this for he knew he would only be agitated to return home to a disorganized room after a long day.</p><p>Dressed in his pair of silk pajamas- a long sleeved black shirt and matching pants- Spock walked over to his closet to select his outfit for the day. He knew he was having to accompany his father to a few different meetings today, so he chose to wear something more formal. He found a white button-up shirt with a navy blue sweater to go over it and black slacks. He entered the bathroom attached to his bedroom and made sure to turn the shower's water temperature to a higher setting before removing his clothes and placing them neatly in his hamper.</p><p>After his shower, he gave his room a quick glance to make sure everything was in order before leaving for the day. </p><p>Spock walked through the open halls of his family's home. It had been ten years since Sarek had been given the promotion of Vulcan Ambassador within the Federation. Sarek had relocated to the Federation's main headquarters here in San Francisco shortly afterwards. Though it was a great change having spent his whole life on Vulcan and surrounded by no one outside of his race other than his mother, Spock had adjusted quite well. He graduated from Starfleet Academy's science program with flying colors and was currently crafting a thesis on biochemical engineering. In addition to pursuing further academics, Spock had also began accompanying his father on his diplomatic duties.</p><p>Though Sarek wasn't old enough to retire by any means, Spock was not just his only child but he was a dominant. This meant that Spock would become head dominant of his family line. He would take responsibility of his mother as a submissive. He would hold more power not just as a Federation ambassador but as a dom in society.</p><p>Spock went down the long, spiral staircase to enter the dining room. Their family home was large and much more luxurious than the one had grown up in on Vulcan. The walls were mostly long, glass windows and the bits of solid wall were painted a cream color with artwork hung on it. There were bookshelves all throughout the house, along with antique statues and decorations lining various tables. Spock's parents were ever the materialistic folks.</p><p>Sarek was already sitting at the head of the long, mahogany dining table when Spock entered. Amanda was kneeling on the floorpad beside his chair, accepting bites of egg and slices of fruit whenever her husband offered them to her. She turned to give Spock a warm smile, and he offered her the quirk of his lips in return. He nodded politely at his father and took his seat when one of their housekeepers came to pull his chair out for him.</p><p>A plate of food was set before him. He quietly thanked the housekeeper who had done so and placed his napkin in his lap to begin his meal.</p><p>All the housekeepers in their home were submissives; some bonded, some divorced subs. Virtually any job of service went to a sub. Almost no dom would be caught dead taking on a serving role, especially if they had to serve subs as well.</p><p>Spock ate quietly as his parents finished their own food. Sarek snapped his fingers and thanked the housekeeper who came to gather his empty plate. As Spock finished his own omelette, Sarek cleared his throat.</p><p>"Have you finished your thesis, Spock?" He asked.</p><p>Spock washed down the bite of egg in his mouth with his glass of water. "Not yet, father. I would like to browse through the Federation Building's library's engineering section again to see if I can find any more sources for my final section."</p><p>Sarek hummed. "Very well. We will be needing to stop by the Federation Building this afternoon to discuss our next planned trip to Vulcan with Admiral Marcus. You may browse then."</p><p>Spock nodded and continued to eat. He glanced occasionally at his parents at the opposite end of the table. They were discussing simple nothings quietly, Sarek stroking Amanda's hair softly as her chin rested on his thigh. Spock was used to the sight of his parents like this. He assumed it was because of his mother's humanity, but Sarek was often more gentle with her than most dominants on their home planet were. Watching them gave him a slight pang in his own heart. </p><p>Though his father had been presenting him with options for a couple years now, Spock had yet to find his own mate. He wouldn't say he was picky; he just had yet to feel the <i>need</i> to possess a sub. Sarek had found him potential bondmates that were physically attractive and of respectable social status, but Spock wasn't taken by any of them. The issue with bonding, and with submissives, was that many subs were raised being told that their only purpose was to fulfill the needs of their dominant once they were of bonding age. The issue with this was that many of them failed to develop personalities of their own. As a result, Spock struggled to imagine himself with any of the subs his father had brought up to him. It was difficult to imagine mating with someone for life when they were hardly a being of their own right.</p><p>Spock finished his meal and thanked the housekeeper who took away his dishes. He looked up at Sarek, assuming that now that his breakfast was gone it would be time to discuss business and the affairs of the day.</p><p>"Are you aware of the meeting your mother and I had yesterday?" Sarek asked.</p><p>Spock looked up at him and furrowed his brows. He had spent most of the previous day assisting Nyota with a starship transmission she had been asked to translate by Admiral Marcus. "No, father. I was unaware you and mother attended a meeting."</p><p>The fact that his mother had gone was most unusual. Amanda's role as a the submissive in their family was mostly caring for the home and for Spock. Of course, now that Spock was an adult who cared for himself, her responsibilities had decreased greatly. Spock pondered for a moment and the only reason why his mother would have accompanied his father to any kind of meeting. realization dawned, and he asked, "Father, have you gone to meet with a bondmate for me?"</p><p>Sarek nodded. "You are familiar with Admiral Pike?"</p><p>"Of course," Spock replied. Admiral Pike was a close associate of his father's and Spock had met him multiple times accompanying Sarek to various meetings and events. Pike was one of the more important dominants representing the Federation. A good relationship with him was important. </p><p>"The Admiral believes that you would be a fitting bondmate for his son, James. We met the young man yesterday. I know you will be apprehensive as you may have heard about James' reluctance to bond."</p><p>Indeed Spock had. It was a rarity that James did not accompany his adoptive father to more events and social gatherings. Most Federation officials or members of high society paraded their submissive children around galas and dinner parties, hoping one of their colleagues' dominant children would be interested. Spock had only seen James briefly in passing about three years ago. He couldn't really even recall what the young man looked like. There were whispers among people as there always would be when you had such large media focus on you. So Spock had an idea as to why James avoided these interactions, but he couldn't determine what was truth and what was rumor. What he felt he knew for certain, though, was that James Kirk certainly wasn't seeking a bondmate.</p><p>"I had believed the Admiral's son intended to remain unbonded," Spock commented.</p><p>"It is not possible for a submissive- especially one of such high status- to remain unbonded past the legal age," Sarek replied simply.</p><p>"Well, yes, but could he not simply bond, wait the allotted period, then seek the legal action needed to dissolve a bond?"</p><p>"He could."</p><p>"What makes you certain he would not do so if he and I were to bond?" Spock was raising an eyebrow expectantly at his father. He had no intention of bonding to a submissive who merely saw him as a legal necessity to dispose of as soon as possible.</p><p>Sarek sighed, pondering. "My son, I will not force you to proceed forward with the bonding process if you have genuine worries. But we have spoken with the Admiral, and with James' other dominant caretaker, and we have come to the conclusion that the bond would be mutually beneficial to you both. James struggles with his submission, yes, but he would benefit from one like you; who would not take advantage of him and who would be a guiding hand for him. You are the one who has insisted on having a submissive with a strong personality, are you not?"</p><p>Spock simply nodded and considered this. Of course, it would be socially beneficial. If he were to become James' dominant, he would be Pike's immediate successor. And, well, he <i>had</i> wanted an independent submissive hadn't he? One who could think for himself? James certainly sounded like it. And Spock considered himself persuasive enough. He was certainly effortlessly dominant. Maybe James would submit more willingly than he thought. Still, Spock needed another opinion.</p><p>"Mother?" </p><p>His mother's head raised up from where it was resting against his father's knee. She smiled at him, waiting for him to speak again. "Do you believe I should proceed with the bonding?"</p><p>"James was a very well-behaved boy," Amanda replied softly. "Smart and polite. I believe he would be a good match for you, son. And if you felt differently after meeting his caretakers or after meeting him, you could always stop the proceedings."</p><p>"Your mother is correct," Sarek joined in. "It would be wise to at least proceed with the next two steps before making a definite decision.</p><p>Spock took a long moment to gather his thoughts. Finally, he nodded. "I will proceed with the bonding."</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Sarek had received a transmission from Vulcan which required his immediate attention. As a result, he was unable to accompany Spock to the Federation Building Library. Spock had instead contacted Nyota and requested her company.</p><p>Nyota was a fellow dominant. She had gone to school with Spock at Starfleet and graduated from the communications department. She was quite intelligent, and though more bashful and sarcastic than Spock himself, the two got along well. Nyota was unbonded by choice, though for different reasons than Spock's own potential bondmate. She felt no need to limit herself to one partner for a lifetime. Oh how different that was than Vulcan culture.</p><p>Spock selected three more books than he needed just to be safe, and he accompanied Nyota to the nearby café to peruse them and watch as she sipped her iced latte.</p><p>"What's new with you?" Nyota asked. "I feel like we haven't been able to catch up in ages." </p><p>"My apologies," Spock replied. "I have been quite busy assisting my father in his ambassador work. When I am not doing that, I usually only have the time for meditation and working on my thesis."</p><p>"Jeez, Spock. You should consider a vacation."</p><p>"There is no time for such things."</p><p>Nyota snorted. "I'm sure you could make time in the future. I mean, I translate alien transmissions all day and still find time to relax."</p><p>"You are more fortunate than I in that regard," Spock mused. "Unfortunately, there will certainly be no time for such things for a while."</p><p>"Why? What do you have coming up?" Nyota asked.</p><p>Before Spock could answer her, the submissive waitress came by to refill Nyota's latte. Nyota nodded at her in thanks. Spock looked at the waitress' caller, engraved with her mistress' name and wondered if James would ever be willing to wear Spock's around his neck.</p><p>"Well?" Nyota raised her eyebrows at him over her mug as she took a sip. </p><p>Spock sighed. "I have a meeting with a potential bondmate's parents in two days."</p><p>Nyota nearly choked on the coffee in her mouth. "Has Spock finally found a sub worthy of his presence?" She smirked.</p><p>Spock frowned at her. "I have never considered a submissive unworthy of my presence."</p><p>Nyota scoffed. "No, you're very respectful to submissives. More so than most dominants. But you're lying to yourself if you say you haven't been <i>extremely</i> picky in your bondmate selection."</p><p>"I am simply looking for the right person," Spock responded. </p><p>"And you've found them?"</p><p>"I do not know," Spock murmured. "You are familiar with Admiral Pike?"</p><p>Nyota nearly gasped, leaning forward onto the table and grabbing Spock's hand. "You're <i>not</i> bonding with Jim Kirk, are you?"</p><p>Spock raised an eyebrow. "I thought he was called James?"</p><p>"That's his full name, sure," Nyota answered through another sip of coffee. "But he goes by Jim."</p><p>"And you know this how?"</p><p>"You know Leonard McCoy?"</p><p>"The doctor?" Spock asked. </p><p>Nyota nodded. "He and I are decent friends. You're never much of a social butterfly at events to really talk to him. And you never come out to any of the fun parties. Anywho, Leonard is like some caretaker for Jim. He lives with Pike and all. He calls him Jim when he talks about him."</p><p>Spock just hums in response, thinking. He's sure then that the other caretaker his father was referring to is Leonard McCoy. Spock had met him before, but only through brief handshakes and polite greetings. </p><p>"Does he ever say anything else about Jim?" Spock asked hesitantly.</p><p>Nyota smiles at him, giving him this <i>you're so cute when you're not subtle</i> look. "Not much. Mentioned something before about how Jim doesn't want to get bonded. But that's common knowledge, is it not?"</p><p>Spock nodded. It certainly was.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Spock paced across the upstairs hallway.</p><p>Usually, in anxious situations like this, he would meditate alone in his study. But he could not get himself to remain still. </p><p>Admiral Pike and Doctor McCoy were on their way to Spock's family's home to meet him properly. Not just as the son of the Ambassador, but as a potential dominant. Jim himself would not be accompanying them. Both sets of parents or caretakers had to meet the opposite person before the two of them could meet for the first time. Spock was dressed nicely; wearing a black button-up shirt and grey dress pants.</p><p>Spock had always been under the impression that the Admiral liked both him and his father well enough. After all, he and Sarek had worked together frequently. But liking someone as a colleague and liking them as a permanent mate for their child was something else entirely. Spock knew no solid details about the traumas Jim had experienced before he fell into Pike's care, but he knew it had made the Admiral significantly more protective over the boy.</p><p>Why was Spock even nervous in the first place? Had he not been rather apprehensive to pursue this bond further just a couple days ago? Yet here he was, stressed that these two men would not consider him a worthy candidate. </p><p>Spock went to take another long stride up the open hallway, but he was cut off by his mother's figure. Amanda was standing before him dressed in a nice tan dress with her headwrap down. His father's collar was prominent on her throat.</p><p>"Are you alright, my son?" She asked kindly.</p><p>Spock could always open up to his mother about his emotional turmoil more than to his father. He sighed and moved closer to her. Once he was close enough, she caressed the side of his face with her hand.</p><p>"I am anxious about the meeting today," He replied quietly.</p><p>Amanda hummed. "I guessed that. There's nothing to be anxious about, dear. They're going to love you."</p><p>Spock's lips twitched. "You only say that because you are my mother and it would be immoral to feel otherwise."</p><p>Amanda laughed quietly, but shook her head. "No, I say that because it's true. Now, come along, sweetheart. We should be seated properly when our guests arrive."</p><p>She released Spock's face and headed down the stairs, pulling her headwrap up as she went. Spock followed.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Spock was sat with his back straight in one of the lounge chairs of their gathering area.</p><p>Sarek was sitting in the chair a few feet away with Amanda kneeling obediently by his feet. He wore tan robes that matched his mate's dress perfectly. Across from them, on the long, black sofa, sat Christopher Pike and Leonard McCoy. After they had gotten through the initial greetings (which consisted of all the dominants showing their throats to one another in truce and Amanda, the lone submissive, bowing her head to the guests), it was time to discuss the occasion of the meeting.</p><p>"Well, I'm not particularly great at starting these things," Pike admitted.</p><p>"Are there any questions you have for me, Admiral?" Spock asked. "That would seem to be a sufficient place to start."</p><p>Pike appeared to be thinking of what he wanted to say, but McCoy spoke before him. "You're interested in bonding with Ji- James?"</p><p>Spock took a moment to give McCoy a once-over. He was dressed nicely as well, wearing a pale blue button-up and dark slacks. Pike was in his usual Admiral attire of a black coat.</p><p>"I am," Spock responded simply. It was an odd question to ask. Of course he was interested in bonding with Jim. Why else were they all sitting here in this room? Spock met McCoy's gaze for just a moment, and in it he saw genuine concern. So that was it. McCoy cared for the young man in question greatly, and wanted to be sure Spock was genuine in his interest. </p><p>"We understand there have been words said about James," Pike said. "It's true that he isn't willingly pursuing a bond, but he is an excellent young submissive. I believe with the right hand he could be guided in that direction."</p><p>"You believe I am the right hand?" Spock questioned.</p><p>"I do."</p><p>"Spock is a very thoughtful and dedicated dominant," Came Sarek's voice. "He is remarkably patient as well. It is of no doubt to me that he would have understanding of Jim's feeling towards the situation."</p><p>Pike nodded thoughtfully. "I imagined so. Of course, I wouldn't want this to be a one-sided bond. James is a very smart and thoughtful young man. I hope you'll find something appealing in him as well, Spock."</p><p>"I am sure I would," Spock answered genuinely. </p><p>They continued talking for a while. It was mostly Pike and Spock speaking, with the occasional input from Sarek that usually came in the form of a compliment to Spock's status. Pike asked Spock questions about his education, his career, his future goals. These were typical questions that had to be asked to gauge not just Spock's ability to dominate, but his compatibility with Jim. He didn't want to have false confidence, but Spock felt as though Pike had become rather fond of him throughout their conversation. McCoy was still watching him carefully. but Spock assumed this would be something he would have to adapt to. </p><p>Spock wanted to ask some questions about Jim, but this was not the purpose of the meeting. The purpose was for Spock to be put on the spot and interviewed. His parents had done the same thing with Jim a few days ago, but neither of them had been particularly keen on revealing any new information about Spock's potential sub to him.</p><p>Finally, it seemed like the conversation had come to an end.</p><p>Pike and McCoy stood at the same time, and Spock and Sarek rose to meet them. Pike held a hand out to Spock.</p><p>"Spock, I would like to ask you to pursue a bond with my son. Do you agree?"</p><p>Spock was certain the corners of his lips had twitched slightly, but he kept himself composed. There was a rather surprising feeling of gratitude and relief thrumming in Spock's heart. The idea of bonding to Jim had grown on him greatly.</p><p>"I agree to bond with James," Spock replied, shaking Pike's hand firmly.</p><p>Now it was only a matter of if Jim felt the same way.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Now that Spock has agreed to the bond, formalities must begin.</p><p>Jim has thoughts about things and Spock seeks advice as the two prepare to meet for the first time.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you again for your support on this work, it means a lot!</p><p>Sorry this is kind of a slow burn.</p><p>Trigger Warning: This chapter contains some mentions of past noncon/ past child abuse. Please be aware as you read.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Who even writes letters anymore?" Jim grumbled.</p><p>He was currently sat at the end of the dining room table; a scroll was laid out on it and a pen was clutched tightly in Jim's grip. Pike was standing over his shoulder, arms crossed.</p><p>"It's an ongoing tradition for the submissive to write an introductory letter to their dominant for the bonding process," Pike responded with a sigh. He had explained this to Jim multiple times now, but with most things related to bonding or submission, his adopted son was putting up quite a fight.</p><p>"What am I even supposed to say?" Jim had been dangling the pen over the scroll for several minutes, but the only writing he had done was to scribble the date into the top corner.</p><p>"Introduce yourself," Pike instructed.</p><p>Jim scowled. "He already knows who I am."</p><p>"That's not what I mean," Pike was trying his best to be patient with Jim. He always did. But damn, if this kid didn't test him sometimes. Pike hoped Spock was as patient as he seemed.</p><p>Jim sighed dramatically, dropping the pen onto the table and folding his arms on top of the scroll so he could lay his head down on them. Pike came closer and ran a hand down his back.</p><p>"I know you don't understand why you have to do any of this, Jim," He sighed. "Sometimes I wish Lucy was around still. She could've offered you some guidance. It's easier to have another submissive helping you out. Sadly, all you've got is Leonard and I."</p><p>Lucy was Pike's wife, and the sub he had been bonded with for years before she passed away. Truthfully, Jim knew little about her. She had passed before Jim knew Pike, there were only a couple photos of her around the house, and Pike didn't like to talk about her much. </p><p>Jim sighed into his arms and pulled himself up. "Could I just have some time alone to write it?"</p><p>Pike scanned his face. Jim wasn't sure what he was looking for. Eventually, Pike nodded. "Just give it to Leonard to read when you're finished." He ran a hand through Jim's hair, then left his son alone.</p><p>When Jim was left to himself, he picked the pen back up and went to place it on the paper. But even without Pike hovering over his shoulder like a hawk, he had no idea what to say.</p><p>It had been a week since Pike and Bones had come home from their meeting with Spock. Jim had spent the entire time they were gone playing tennis in the backyard by himself. He just needed the distraction of being able to move and swing at things. When he heard the garage door opening, he ran inside not even bothering to change out his sweaty tank top and athletic shorts. He had run to the front door, bouncing anxiously on the heels of his tennis shoes as he waited for them walk in. Neither of them even flinched at the sight of him right in the doorway as they entered. Jim couldn't read either of their expressions, so he just raised his eyebrows and said, "Well?" Bones had put a hand on his shoulder and grunted, "Congratulations kid, you're gonna have a dom." And before Jim could even react, both men had pushed past him to seek out booze in the kitchen.</p><p>And so here Jim sat; an empty letter in front of him and just barely fighting the urge to slam his head into the hard wood of the table.</p><p>What would Spock even want to read?"</p><p>"Dear Spock, this is Jim. Guess you own me now."</p><p>"Dear Spock, do you like knock knock jokes?"</p><p>"Dear Spock, I've been held at blaster-point against my will to declare my undying love for you."</p><p>"Dear Spock, can you hear better with those pointy ears?"</p><p>No. Those probably weren't good options.</p><p>Pike had said to describe himself, but Jim assumed that would only make Spock want to dissolve the bond before it happened. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad. If he scared enough doms away, Pike would eventually give up, right? </p><p>But there was something deep within Jim that <i>wanted</i> to write to Spock. Having a bondmate had always been a far off possibility. It had always been something that he knew was planned for his future, but that he had never anticipated actually happening. Now it was so close. In just a few weeks, he would be legally bound to Spock forever. He wanted to shudder at the thought of being owned, but there was something else too. Jim could feel the desire in the pool of his stomach. As much as he would deny it, the thought of having someone he <i>needed</i> to submit to gave him a dazed feeling.</p><p>It was this want that forced him to actually place the pen down onto the paper and just write. He found himself frustrated; frustrated that he was having to do this at all, and even more frustrated at the fact that he was almost feeling affection towards Spock. His hand moved quickly- his thoughts going quicker- and before he knew it he had written to the bottom of the page with just enough room to sign <i> Sincerely, James T. Kirk</i> at the bottom. He exhaled heavily, setting the pen down and going to grab a snack while the ink dried. </p><p>Jim burned through an apple and a bag of chips before coming back to the table. Seeing that the ink was dry, he tore the paper as delicately as he could off the scroll and folded it neatly, sliding it into the envelope. He licked it shut. He would have written Spock's address on it, but he was- for whatever stupid traditional reason- forbidden from knowing where Spock lived until they had met in person. Did they think Jim would show up at Spock's place in the middle of the night, throwing rocks at his bedroom window and calling, "Romeo, Romeo, where art thou, Romeo?"</p><p>Jim had been instructed to give the letter to Bones to deliver, but Bones was at the hospital for another two hours. Jim groaned impatiently and went to plop down on the living room sofa. One of the things he hated most about his submissive status was his lack of responsibility. Sure, it might sound nice to be able to lounge about doing whatever you pleased all day. But Jim had been doing that for the last 12 years, and he had frankly grown tired of it. While Pike was in meetings and drafting policies and mission plans all day, Bones was in the Federation Hospital caring for some of the most important figures in their star system. And here Jim was, deciding between going for a swim or watching an old action movie. Don't get him wrong, he was grateful that his adopted social status was enough to prevent him from having to be a waiter or housekeeper like many other subs were forced to. But why could he not do more? Did his natural biological inclination to submit somehow take away his ability to accomplish anything? </p><p>Jim ultimately opted to brood over this issue in the pool. He went to change into his swimsuit- a patterned blue and white one- and couldn't help but cringe slightly at the collared submissive workers he saw washing the linens and sweeping the floors.</p><p>Jim nearly fell asleep in the pool, lounging lazily on a floatie. </p><p>"You finish that letter?" Jim sat up quickly- nearly falling off the floatie as he did so- and removed his sunglasses to see Bones standing at the side of the pool, looking down at him. He had changed from his hospital tunic in the time since he'd gotten home, and was just wearing solid grey sweats. The exhaustion on his face from the long shift was clear though.</p><p>"It's in the envelope on the table," Jim replied, popping his sunglasses back on and sliding off the floatie so he could wade through the pool to where Bones was standing.</p><p>"I need to proof read it?" Bones asked, squatting down to be more at eye level with Jim.</p><p>Jim frowned. "I thought the letter was supposed to be between me and Spock."</p><p>"It is," Bones answered, "But I also don't want you saying anything that might offend the Vulcan."</p><p>Jim scoffed at him. "You really think I would write some rude message in my first letter to him?" Bones shrugged. "Can Vulcans even be offended?" Jim went on.</p><p>"I'm not gonna proof read the letter," Bones stood back up and gave Jim a pointed look. "So I guess we'll find out."</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>"Mail for you, sir." </p><p>Spock looked up from his PADD. He was reviewing some reports he and Sarek had received from their Vulcan relatives when one of their housekeepers appeared at the door with envelopes in his hands. "Set it on the desk, please." The housekeeper obeyed, quickly bowing to Spock and departing from his study.</p><p>Spock shuffled through the envelopes, not finding anything particularly interesting. Mostly advertisements and non-urgent letters from colleagues. The last envelope, however, caught his eye.</p><p>In delicate handwriting on the front of the tan envelope was a letter addressed to him with the return address of Christopher Pike's home.</p><p>Spock's heart began to beat rather quickly and he took a moment to compose himself before gently opening the envelope. He was almost embarrassed at how quickly he pulled the paper inside out. Ah. It was his introductory letter from Jim. Spock unfolded it, and began to read with careful eyes.</p><p>
  <i> Dear Spock,<br/>
<i>Hello. This is Jim. Though you probably already knew that.
</i></i></p><p>
  <i>I first wanted to thank you for considering me as your submissive. I'm sure you have many other options that are arguably more worth pursuing.</i><br/>
<i>In this letter, I'm supposed to describe myself so that you can determine if we are compatible. My name is Jim, as previously stated. I'm 20 years old. I was born on Earth, but I spent a lot of my childhood on Tarsus, where I was treated wonderfully and developed absolutely no life traumas.</i>
<i>I have many hobbies. My personal favorites are kneeling obediently for my superior dominants and catering to their every whim. I have few thoughts or abilities of my own. But that's the submissive way, isn't it?</i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>I hope this makes me sound appealing to you.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Sincerely, James T. Kirk </i>
</p><p>Spock dropped the letter onto his desk, chuckling darkly in clear disbelief. What a disobedient little thing.</p><p>Spock felt something pooling in his stomach that he couldn't describe.</p><p>Jim could not want him less; and after that letter, Spock could not want him more.</p><p>He had said he wanted a sub with a mind of their own, right? He was certainly getting one. Spock read Jim's letter over again. If most dominants had received an introductory letter like that, they would have considered it a great disrespect and cancelled the bonding immediately. Spock, however, was rather amused by it. It was clear to him that Jim's mocking of traditional submissive behaviors was likely a coping mechanism. The young man was unable to come to terms with what he wanted. He was unable to accept that he <i>did</i> want to submit. The letter was likely also intended to deter Spock, but he felt only a stronger desire. He wanted to earn Jim's submission. </p><p>He grabbed his own pen and paper and began drafting his response.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Jim mumbled in disbelief.</p><p>He had decided to be nice and make the trip down the driveway to receive the mail for Pike. He had not been expecting to find his reply from Spock hiding in the pile of envelopes.</p><p>Jim had stared at it for a while, almost wanting to just throw the thing away. He was sure after the sarcastic letter he had sent Spock that his response would likely either be an ending to their bonding or a threat of punishment. But when he forced himself to tear open the envelope and read what was written inside, he wasn't sure how to feel.</p><p>
  <i> Dear Jim,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>It is a great pleasure to receive your letter.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>You are indeed very articulate. Though, understandably, I doubt your sincerity. It is not my place to speak on your previous experiences with submission. With that being said, I should assure you I have no interest in obtaining a slave. If we are to bond, I wish to value you as a partner. Yes, I seek your submission, but on your own terms.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>It would be appreciated if you would enlighten me on things you genuinely enjoy. Though I have no issue partaking in the hobbies which you have described to me. Please inform me on what color floorpad you prefer to kneel on.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Sincerely,<br/>
Spock </i>
</p><p>Jim wanted to bang his head down on the kitchen counter. Spock was <i>messing</i> with him? Jim wasn't even aware that Vulcans had senses of humor.</p><p>Jim sat at a barstool in front of the counter, bouncing his leg and biting way too aggressively into an apple from the fruit bowl in front of him. Spock clearly had not been deterred by Jim's attitude. He had assumed the sarcasm in his letter would signal disobedience; that it would scare Spock away. It had seemed to do the opposite.</p><p>Jim went into Pike's office and got a pen and some more paper. He quickly wrote his reply before he could really think anything of it. </p><p>When Pike and Bones returned home from their respective duties, Jim had obediently helped the housekeepers set the table for dinner. They raised eyebrows at him, but didn't comment on it throughout their meal. Once they were done eating, Jim handed Bones the envelope for his next letter with a smile. Bones was looking at him with extreme suspicion, but Jim just pecked him on the cheek and excused himself for a bath.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>
  <i>Dear Spock,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>I'm suspicious of you. Very suspicious. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>Though if you're genuinely interested in my hobbies, I like to read, swim, play tennis, play chess. Sometimes, if I'm feeling adventurous, I go through Bones' old Starfleet books and pretend like I'm legally allowed to attend the academy. Of course, a silly little submissive like me could never.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Oh, and I would actually prefer my floorpad to be bedazzled. I'm sure you can arrange this.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Sincerely,</i>
</p><p>
  <i>James T. Kirk</i>
</p><p>Spock couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him at that one. He had returned from a day of meetings with his father when his mother had informed him his most recent letter from Jim arrived. He was sitting in bed in his lounge clothes, reading it.</p><p>Jim had quite a sense of humor. From what he described, he was also intelligent and athletic. Spock had never questioned Starfleet's policy on not granting submissives entry. It had been typical for as long as Spock had been alive for dominants to be the ones who pursued careers and education. Submissives were given basic education, and weren't prohibited from educating themselves on their own time, but they weren't allowed into higher education academies or to pursue careers as officers, captains, or admirals.</p><p> Spock felt sadness briefly pass through him. Once Jim was his, Spock may just teach him the entire Starfleet curriculum himself. 

Oh, and buy a bedazzled floorpad.

</p><p>
  <b>***** ONE MONTH LATER ***** </b>
</p><p>Jim stood in the mirror, looking at his reflection with anxiety. </p><p>He was dressed handsomely in a black and white tuxedo; his hair combed neatly. He fidgeted with his bowtie.</p><p>It had been a month since Spock had agreed to bond with him. In that time, he and Spock had been communicating back and forth through a letter once a week. Though it had began as an obligation, Jim had come to look forward to the mailman arriving with an envelope addressed to him each week. Usually when dominants wrote these letters to their pending submissives, they were addressed to the head dom of house. But Spock addressed every letter to Jim, not to Pike.</p><p>This was one of many unusual things about Spock.</p><p>Throughout most of Jim's life, he had been treated as inferior. Dominants spoke down to him as though he was incapable of understanding them if they spoke in too long of sentences. It was automatically assumed that he was incapable of caring, thinking, or speaking for himself.</p><p>Spock spoke to him in no such way. In his letters to Jim, Spock wrote like they were equals. They discussed their interests. Spock was a very smart person. He had vast knowledge on everything from science to history to politics to literature. Spock discussed academics with Jim as if he were a colleague, not as if he were a child or a servant. Spock had also seemed rather tolerant of Jim and his snarky attitude. Anytime Jim tried to test him with sarcasm and borderline rudeness, Spock was right there fighting back with a quip of his own. He was truly the face of dominance; never wavering no matter how much resistance Jim put up. As much as it drove Jim insane, it also stirred up butterflies in his stomach that he wasn't quite ready to deal with. </p><p>Truthfully, Jim didn't really know what the purpose of the gala was. No one ever really filled him in on these things, though he wasn't sure he would care even if they did. He just knew that Pike was off planet discussing trade negotiations. This meant that Bones had to fill in for him as political representative of their house. Despite being a dominant, Bones rather hated these things. He hated dressing nice and having to socialize. He usually wouldn't go at all, let alone bring Jim along with him. But word had gotten out about Jim's bonding, and if he didn't make a public appearance sooner or later, the tabloids would find some scandal to conjure up about him or Spock.</p><p>Jim was currently hiding out in the bathroom of the venue. He had managed to excuse himself from a conversation circle of Bones and his colleagues debating some medical policies that Jim knew little about. Jim gave himself one last look in the mirror, splashed some water lightly on his face, and headed back out. He weaved through the crowds of people gathering. The dominants were all standing with their submissives either kneeling at their feet or attached to a leash and standing beside them. Jim tried to keep his eyes straight and not grapple with the reality that he would be expected to be in that position in the next month. He made his way back to Bones, and slid back next to him, standing slightly behind so too much attention wouldn't be on him.</p><p>Bones gave him a nod of acknowledgement. Bones was currently engaged in conversation with a few people Jim recognized. Standing across from Jim was a woman he's pretty sure is called Uhura, but he couldn't say with certainty. Next to her stood Hikaru Sulu; a good friend of Bones' and one of the crew of the Enterprise. Jim had met him several times, but he wasn't too fond of the man. Like almost everyone Bones or Pike knew well, he was a dominant. And an old school, all power dominant no less. His submissive, Pavel Chekov, was kneeling beside him with a leash attached to the collar on his neck. The other end of the leash was clutched tightly in Sulu's grip. Jim noticed that there wasn't even a floorpad under Chekov's knees, but the kid didn't seem unhappy. He was a couple years younger than Jim, and had been bonded almost immediately. It always made Jim slightly uncomfortable to be around Chekov. Almost like Spock's mother, he seemed so entirely content to be dominated. He had no issue with having to kneel or be hand fed. He seemed almost filled with glee whenever Sulu instructed him to go get him a drink or to polish his shoes. Jim hoped he would never be like that.</p><p>It occurred to Jim about halfway through the political discussion the doms around him were having that Spock might be here. I mean, this was his scene, right? Jim didn't actually know what Spock looked like, but how difficult could it be to spot a Vulcan in a crowd?</p><p>Jim thought he was being subtle at craning his neck to scan the room, but Bones chuckled softly in his ear. "He's not here."</p><p>Jim scowled. "I have no idea what you're talking about."</p><p>Bones rolled his eyes and turned back to his friends to excuse himself from the conversation. He pulled Jim by the arm over to the bar area, ordering a drink for himself and water for Jim. He handed Jim the glass with a look, and Jim glared but drank it anyway. Bones' subtle dominance was never lost on him, no matter how much Bones seemed to believe it was. </p><p>"Spock isn't here because he's on Vulcan right now," Bones said, sipping his drink.</p><p>"Why?" Jim asked.</p><p>"He's the successor to the Vulcan Ambassador. And he's from there, so," Bones shrugged.</p><p>Jim just hummed and finished his water. </p><p>"I wouldn't have brought you here tonight if he was gonna be here. You know that's against the rules," Bones continued.</p><p>"So many stupid rules," Jim grumbled. "Why can't you guys just sell me off and call it a day?"</p><p>"There's a process to these things. You have to do it the right way. It's just how the world works, kid, not much to do about it," Bones replied through another sip of alcohol. </p><p>"Did you and your wife do it the right way?" Jim asked. </p><p>Bones stiffened instantly. He never spoke about his ex wife and ex bondmate. Jim knew that Pike knew the story, but it was another one of those things they didn't feel the need to share with him.</p><p>"We should go home, Jim," Bones said. </p><p>Jim didn't argue.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>At the end of the day, Spock was quite exhausted.</p><p>It had been a few months since he had last taken the trip to Vulcan. He had spent the entirety of the day accompanying Sarek to various meeting with the Vulcan elders and other political officials. It had been the first trip where they spoke to Spock like an equal. Now that he was to be a true dominant and have a mate of his own, he was already being regarded as a higher official. He was doing everything he could to focus and be present. After all, it would only be a few years before Spock would be destined to take over Sarek's role.</p><p>Truthfully, Spock was missing Jim.</p><p>They had to stop communicating for the next week in order to prepare for their bonding ceremony. Spock was missing Jim's letters. As defiant as the young man was, he was genuinely smart, humorous, interesting. He was a good companion, and even though each and every letter was filled with digs at their bonding, Spock had only become so much more desperate to meet the young man.</p><p>They were to take off to return to Earth tomorrow. It had been a short two day trip, but Spock's time was needed to focus on the future steps of his bonding process.</p><p>Before Spock could rest for the night, though, he had to visit his grandmother, T'Pau. Spock had spent much time with T'Pau was a child. When his parents had been busy with their duties, she had been the one to care for him. T'Pau was a submissive, but she was still his elder; therefore he was to see her and consult her about his bonding before returning to Earth.</p><p>Spock was allowed into his grandmother's quarters by her guards. She was sitting in a large lounge chair, sipping on a cup of tea. She still wore his grandfather's collar, despite the fact that he had died just a couple years before Spock had been born.</p><p>"Grandmother," Spock greeted, bowing to her. This was maybe one difference between humans and Vulcans: regardless of being dominant or submissive, it was custom to treat one's elders with the utmost respect.</p><p>"Hello, my grandson," T'Pau replied. "Please, sit." Spock came to sit on the chair beside hers. She set her tea down on the nearby table, and reached out to hold Spock's hand in hers. </p><p>"I have been informed of your plans to bond," She said. "What is the name of your mate?"</p><p>"James," Spock answered. His heart skipped a slight beat at being able to refer to Jim as his mate; though he's sure said mate would scrunch his nose up at the use of his full name.</p><p>"You care for this James, yes?" T'Pau asked.</p><p>"I believe I do," Spock replied softly. "We will be arranged to have our bonding ceremony when father and I return to Earth. I have come to seek your blessing to finalize my bond if James and I are compatible."</p><p>T'Pau gave him a slight smile. "I am not your head dominant, Spock. You need only Sarek's permission for such a thing."</p><p>"I understand, grandmother," Spock stroked his thumb over T'Pau's palm. "But it is of great importance to me that you approve."</p><p>"I shall approve of anything that is prosperous to you, Spock," T'Pau said, returning the gesture. "And if James is so, then my approval is given."</p><p>"Thank you, grandmother, thank you," Spock said.</p><p>His gratitude could not have been more genuine. He bid T'Pau goodbye, and returned to the guest chambers. </p><p>He was incredibly anxious to be home and be meeting his bond.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Leonard awoke with a start.</p><p>Jim's screams were ringing through the walls, all the way down the hallway from his bedroom to Leonard's. Leonard shot up, throwing the comforter off of his body and jogging out of the room and down the hall; his movements slightly disoriented by his sleepiness.</p><p>When he entered Jim's room, he saw the young man thrashing about in his bed. He was grabbing at nothing, screaming and fighting against invisible hands. Leonard's heart ached at the sight, and he moved closer to sit on the side of Jim's bed. He grabbed onto the young man's arms, holding him still. Jim continued to thrash violently, but Leonard spoke out a loud and clear, "Jim." He gave Jim a shake, and tear-filled blue eyes snapped open to meet his.</p><p>Jim was still breathing heavily when he spoke, "Sorry, Bones, so sorry."</p><p>"It's okay, Jim, it's okay," Leonard stroked Jim's sides until his breathing had become more stable and his heartbeat had slowed down slightly. </p><p>Leonard recalled the first time he had ever met Jim. He had moved out of Jocelyn's house once their bond had been legally dissolved. He had mentioned something to Admiral Pike about looking for a place to stay, and before he knew it he had been offered a guest room at the Admiral's. Pike had given him a warning about his adopted son, Jim. Jim had been involved in the Tarsus sexual slavery ring for a while as a young boy, and was still deeply traumatized from it.</p><p>The first time they spoke, Leonard was eating a bowl of oatmeal in the kitchen. Jim was fifteen years old, and he had wandered in wearing plaid pajamas with blonde hair messy from a good night's sleep. Leonard had been nervous to see him; in the time he had been staying with his Admiral, he had yet to have to interact with the boy. Jim just took one look at him and said, "You a doctor?" Leonard had nodded. "You don't look like a doctor," Jim replied. He then poured himself a bowl of cereal, and sat down across the table from Leonard. </p><p>"I think I'm gonna call you Bones," The boy said. Leonard had nearly choked on his oatmeal at that. "Why?"</p><p>"You just look like you should be called Bones."</p><p>"But I don't look like a doctor?"</p><p>"No, you look like Bones."</p><p>That had started the tradition of the two eating breakfast together every morning when Leonard didn't have an early hospital shift.</p><p>The first time Leonard had heard one of Jim's dreams happened two weeks after their first meeting. He had been returning from a rather grueling late night shift at the hospital, and on his way to his bedroom had heard screaming and crying. He immediately ran into Jim's room, assuming someone had somehow broken in and was assaulting the boy. As terrible as it was, it happened to young submissives. But Leonard had found Jim alone, fighting against his comforter. He had ran over, shaking the boy awake. Jim gasped, then upon realizing who it was, had fallen forward and sobbed into Leonard's tunic. He told Leonard everything that night, and Leonard couldn't fight the tears that slipped down his face at the image of Jim being hurt in the ways he had described.</p><p>From that point on, Leonard had felt a need to protect the kid. Sure, he was probably the world's most difficult submissive, but Leonard was one of the few people in the galaxy who had gained his trust. </p><p>And so here he was, holding Jim through another night of nightmares. They had been so much worse lately. Leonard knew it was because of the bonding. Jim had seemed to grow decently fond of Spock, and Leonard had even peeked into his room to see the kid laughing out loud at letters from the Vulcan. But he was still a dominant. Other than Pike and himself, Leonard knew that Jim had never had a positive experience with dominance. The doms of his childhood had abused him, treating him like a slave; treating him like nothing. As badly as Leonard wanted to be able to assure Jim that nothing of the sort was going to happen to him ever again, he knew the words would only mean so much. Leonard was not a submissive. He wouldn't truly understand what Jim was going through.</p><p>"I'm so sorry," Jim repeated. He leaned forward to rest his head on Leonard's shoulder. Leonard rubbed a hand up and down his back.</p><p>"Do you want to talk about the dream, kid?" Jim shook his head against the muscle of Leonard's shoulder.</p><p>They remained like that for a few minutes, Jim leaning into Leonard and the only sounds in the room their breathing. Finally, Jim sat up and scooted slightly away.</p><p>"When is the ceremony scheduled?"</p><p>"In two weeks. Lot to work out before then though," Leonard replied. Ah. So that was what had brought on tonight's fit.</p><p>"Like what?" Jim asked quietly.</p><p>Leonard sighed. "Collaring. Living arrangements. Legal stuff; most of it isn't for you to worry about."</p><p>"Oh, right. You gonna have to get some measuring tape for my neck, huh?" Jim was smiling slightly at that, and Leonard returned it.</p><p>"Guess so. Can't be as big as your head, though," Leonard grunted, giving Jim's temple a light knock. . </p><p>Jim actually giggled at that, and Leonard felt a little better. He was still worried about the kid, but it was probably safe to leave him alone for the night. </p><p>"You need anything, Jim?" </p><p>Jim shook his head. "Just gonna try to get some sleep. You should, too. You have an early shift."</p><p>Leonard groaned. "Don't remind me." He stood and placed a quick kiss to Jim's forehead. "Holler if you need anything, Jim. Seriously."</p><p>Jim just nodded.</p><p>Leonard left, shutting the door behind him. He stood by it a few moments, waiting for the sound of more screams. Only when he felt certain Jim had fallen asleep did he turn to walk to his own bedroom.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Jim had been dreaming again.</p><p>He had recalled a particularly bad night of his childhood; one where Kodos had invited his friends to come <i>play</i>. Jim couldn't stand the pain his body felt from that encounter; the way he cried and cried and hoped someone would help him, but no one did.</p><p>Bones had come into his room and comforted him. Jim felt bad, being such a burden on the doctor. But Bones never seemed to mind. He just held Jim through the sobs and waited until he was okay before leaving.</p><p>Two weeks. In two weeks, he would meet Spock and belong to him. And he would be standing before everyone as Spock placed a collar around his throat. Jim reached up for his neck, running his hands over it and cherishing the bareness of it. He hadn't worn a collar since he was a child. He couldn't even wear too high of shirts or he would freeze up, feeling like the chains of Tarsus were restraining him again.</p><p>Jim laid back down, snuggling into his pillow. He forced himself to sleep, despite his fear of what dreams his brain would be left to conjure.</p><p>When Jim did dream, it was of strong hands dragging him by the collar. They threw him down, climbed on top of them. He tried to hit them away, but those hands were stronger than his. He was overpowered. The figure on top of him leaned down to press a kiss to Jim's mouth. Jim tried to turn his head, but the figure was too strong. When they pulled back from Jim's bruised mouth, it wasn't Kodos. It was Spock.</p><p>No. No!</p><p>Jim sat straight up. He wasn't screaming. He took a deep breath. </p><p>No, no. </p><p>Spock would never do that to him.</p><p>Would he?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim and Spock are preparing for their upcoming bonding ceremony.</p>
<p>They both have a lot of thoughts about it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you as always for your support on this work; any feedback or comments you guys have are always appreciated.</p>
<p>There is some brief mentions of noncon/past child abuse in this chapter. It's not very graphic but be aware as you read.</p>
<p>If there end up being any Vulcan translations needed I'll put them in the endnotes.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Jim. Jim. Jiiiiiim..."</p>
<p>"Go away," Jim batted absently at the hands shaking him awake and attempted to burrow himself further into his bed. He had hardly slept the night before and was determine to cling to every last bit of rest he could. Unfortunately, his plan was unsuccessful. Strong hands gripped him firmly and pulled him off his side and onto his back. Jim opened his eyes, blinking at the morning sunlight shining through the blinds of his bedroom window and was met with a stern-looking Bones. Jim gave him a harsh glare.</p>
<p>"Why do you insist on waking me up at the ass crack of dawn every morning?" He grumbled.</p>
<p>Bones rolled his eyes. "Get that talk out of your system now; it's not gonna go over well today."</p>
<p>"I don't want to do that today," Jim groaned and covered his face with his hands. Three days earlier, Pike and Bones had sat Jim down in Pike's study for another formal lecture. Jim and Spock's bonding ceremony was approaching quickly; it was just a week and a half away. Jim had been mortified when Pike had suggested that he and Bones had some "submission etiquette practice".  </p>
<p>Bones sighed and gave Jim's shoulder an affectionate squeeze. "Come on, kid. You've gotta get up and get dressed." </p>
<p>"Why?" Jim asked with a pout. </p>
<p>"Think you know. We need to work on some things," Bones murmured. </p>
<p>Jim sat up, frowning. "Work on what things?" </p>
<p>"Get in the shower, Jim," Bones instructed in lieu of answering. He moved away from the bed and took his usual place of leaning against the wall next to the bathroom.</p>
<p>"I'm not getting up until you tell me what we're doing," Jim retorted, crossing his arms across his stomach like a toddler throwing a tantrum.</p>
<p>Bones raised an eyebrow at him, giving him a <i>are-you-really-going-to-do-this-right-now<i> look, and Jim responded back by emphasizing the crossing of his arms and making a "hmph" noise. They stared each other down for a couple minutes. Usually, when they got into battles for obedience like this, Bones always won. Damn you, dom/sub biology. This time, though, Jim was determined to keep his ground. If he couldn't resist Bones' dominance, how could he resist Spock's?</i></i></p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Finally, Bones did break slightly by speaking first. "What you're doing right now is exactly what we need to work on."</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>"What I'm doing right now?"</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Bones nodded. "Jim, whether you like it or not, you're going to have to compromise a little on the... <i>submission</i> side of things." </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Jim scoffed. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were wanting me all collared up in advance."</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>"No one said anything about collars," Bones replied sharply.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Jim was slightly taken aback by the tone of Bones' voice. Truthfully, nothing he ever said could sound too mean given the warmth of his Southern accent. But he sounded rather tense and annoyed now, and Jim wondered if he had finally tested the man's patience.</i></i></p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i></i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>"Sorry," He mumbled, uncrossing his arms and looking down at his lap. Bones was next to him again before he do it, kneeling beside the bed and running a hand up and down Jim's arm. Bones' love language was certainly physical touch.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>"I don't mean to be harsh with you, kid. You know I don't like bossing you around."</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Jim chuckled quietly to himself. "Do you not like bossing people around? Thought that was the whole point of being a dom."</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>"Emphasis on bossing <i>you</i> around," Bones corrected. "No one's gonna make you kneel at the table or be on a leash or do anything you don't wanna do, Jim. Just want you to try some things out." </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Jim thought about it. It had been years since he had done anything that could be considered "submissive." Sure, Pike and Bones gave him the occasional gentle command in the form of, "Jim, bring me a drink, please." But never anything more than that. He certainly didn't do chores for them, he didn't kneel at the dinner table, he lounged freely on the furniture and made his own itinerary each day. It had gotten Pike some sideways glances when he didn't instruct his son to kneel at dinner parties, but Pike never seemed to care. Jim was incredibly grateful for this. Neither Pike nor Bones seemed interested in forcing submission out of Jim, and- within the realm of what they could control- were content to let him do as he pleased for the most part. In his letters, Spock had seemed like he intended to do so as well. Of course, Jim would never know until he met the Vulcan.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>"Jim?"</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Bones' voice pulled him out of his thoughts. Jim looked up to see the older man looking at him with concern in his eyes. Bones cared for him. So did Pike. They were not Kodos. They would never hurt him, or leave him with someone who would. Jim would just have to assure himself of this. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>He exhaled, and worked up the courage to say, "Okay. I'll try."</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>"Good lad, Jim," Bones praised, eyes wrinkling from the smile that appeared on his face. </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>Jim blushed and convinced himself that the feeling in his stomach was from being hungry, and definitely not from praise at his obedience. Definitely not.</i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <b>*****</b>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
<p>"What do you think of this one, sir?"</p>
<p>Spock took another look around the living room of the apartment he was standing in. </p>
<p>It was custom that prior to a bonding ceremony, the dominant would choose a home for them and their bonded submissive to live in together. Given that Spock and Jim's bonding ceremony was a week and five days; not that Spock was counting. Because of this, he had invited Nyota to accompany him to view several apartments. He tried to find places using the taste he had gathered both from Jim's letters and from Pike's input about him, and he wanted the place to be within reasonable distance of Pike's home so that Jim could go and see his adoptive father and McCoy anytime he wanted to. Spock was sure that was important to him.</p>
<p>"It's very nice," Spock replied. And it was very nice. Probably the best apartment they had looked at all day. It had a large master bedroom with an attached bathroom and a high-tech shower and bathtub. There were two spare bedrooms, one with rather large closet space. Spock himself only had a simple collection of clothes, but he wanted to be prepared if Jim possessed more. There was an office for himself and a spare study room he thought he would allow Jim to do what he wanted with. He recalled that Jim enjoyed reading and chess; perhaps he could entertain those hobbies in there. The living room was an open space with an electric fireplace under the mantle. The kitchen was large with plenty of cabinet space and a smaller inset room for a dining room table. It was a first floor apartment, so it had a decent yard of well-kept grass. Spock figured Jim could put a tennis net up there if he desired.</p>
<p>"What do you think, Nyota?" Spock asked, turning to his friend. He had considered inviting his mother to join him instead, but Nyota was usually the one person he knew who was in touch with what would be considered "cool". Jim was only four years younger than him, but Spock was sure his taste would have been described as much more "old".</p>
<p>Nyota tapped her fingers against her chin, thinking. "I like it."</p>
<p>"And you think Jim will approve?" Spock asked. This was really what he cared about. He wanted to do everything he could to ensure that Jim was as comfortable as possible in his new environment. He knew that the bonding was already enough of a struggle for his mate, and he had no interest in making things more difficult for him.</p>
<p>Nyota smirked slightly at him, and Spock felt slightly embarrassed. His friend was not nearly as sappy as him when it came to romantic partners, and she certainly took advantage of being able to tease him for it. "I think he'll love it."</p>
<p>Spock's lip quirked up slightly, and he turned back to the realtor; a pretty, blonde submissive woman. "I'll take it."</p>
<p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p>
<p>"Can't I just do it myself?"</p>
<p>"No."</p>
<p>"Why not?"</p>
<p>"I don't trust you."</p>
<p>Jim glared at Bones from where he was sprawled out on their living room couch. Bones was standing a few feet away, arms crossed like a grumpy mother and frowning down at Jim. </p>
<p>For the last three days, Bones had been working persistently with Jim on something the young man wasn't particularly familiar with: obedience. It hadn't been anything drastic, just getting Jim to be comfortable with listening to commands.</p>
<p>Additionally, there was the matter of subspace. </p>
<p>Submissives' natural biology gave them the need not just to submit, but to give themselves to submission entirely. Being in subspace was the ultimate fulfillment for a sub; to be in that free, out-of-body headspace in the moment and fully able to submit everything to their dominant.</p>
<p>Jim had never experienced subspace. When he was imprisoned by Kodos on Tarsus, he was just a child. The natural instinct to be led and cared for was there, but not in <i>that</i> way. He was just a child. And by the time he was freed from that life, he had been scarred by it that he had no interest in pursuing anything along the lines of relationships or sex or submission. So even as a 20-year-old, he was rather apprehensive towards things that most people his age strongly desired. </p>
<p>Truthfully, Jim had no interest in it. No matter what his natural body chemistry was supposed to do, he never wanted to be so vulnerable. Sure, he was constantly tense and anxious because he never allowed himself to reach that point, but it was just something he would have to deal with. Bones hadn't tried to force him into subspace and never would; it was something only his dominant was supposed to do for him. But Bones had at least wanted him to be comfortable with the orders, praise, and such that would lead to it.</p>
<p>Bones had been pestering Jim about everything- had even taken the week off from the hospital to do so. He was constantly giving Jim orders about the simplest of things: "Hey Jim, get dressed. "Hey Jim, pour me a drink." "Hey Jim, pick that book up." And every act of obedience was met with a "Good job, Jim" or a "Thank you, Jim". Jim felt embarrassed; like a puppy in training. But he couldn't deny the pure satisfaction that was gained from it. It wasn't sexual; never would be with Bones. But Jim liked the praise and the feelings that came with doing something to please someone he cared about. It was kind of like how he felt whenever Bones or Pike would do something simple for him that they didn't need to like pouring his drink for him or suggesting a particular outfit. </p>
<p>Jim had fallen into the routine rather easily, and the stress of the bonding ceremony had become background noise. Bones had appeared to be leaving Jim to himself for the day, and was working on something in his office. Jim had taken the opportunity to play some tennis by himself, and was now lounging on the couch with a paperback war novel. Bones had walked in, holding a tape measure in hand, and that's where the argument started.</p>
<p>"You said we weren't doing anything with collars," Jim said pointedly.</p>
<p>"No, I said you weren't going to be <i>wearing</i> a collar," Bones corrected. "We still have to do this."</p>
<p>Jim rose to his feet, glaring at Bones. Whatever peace he had felt moments ago, reflecting on the last three days of calmness, was gone. "Do you know how demeaning it is to have someone measure your goddamn throat?"</p>
<p>"Language," Bones snapped. There was that sharp tone in his voice again. Jim swallowed; he lowered his head slightly but kept his footing firm.</p>
<p>Bones sighed and moved closer. "Look, I doubt Spock is going to make you wear the collar. He seems pretty lenient. But, by law, you've gotta be collared. You don't gotta wear it, just gotta have it. You understand?"</p>
<p>Hesitantly, Jim nodded. </p>
<p>"May I?" Bones asked, holding the tape measure up. Jim nodded again. Bones wrapped it around his throat, pulling it around to measure the width. It was incredibly awkward, but it was over quickly. Bones stepped away to go jot down the measurements, leaving Jim standing there awkwardly.</p>
<p>"Do I at least get to pick out the collar myself?" Jim asked, wandering over to where Bones was leaning against the bar with his notepad. </p>
<p>"No, goof, that's why we take the measurement and send it to Spock. So he can pick out your collar," Bones replied.</p>
<p>Jim pouted and crossed his arms. He had been acting bratty lately, and he knew it, but what other defense did he have? "He gets to pick out the apartment, the collar... Do I get to pick out anything?"</p>
<p>"Sure," Bones clapped a hand on Jim's shoulder. "You can pick what we have for dinner tonight."</p>
<p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p>
<p>"How do you feel about leather?"</p>
<p>Spock considered the selection of collars before him. There was a wide variety. Some were leather, some steel. He had been sent Jim's measurements two days earlier, and had just now had the time to excuse himself from working on his thesis and preparing his and Jim's apartment to come shopping for Jim's collar. He had chosen not to ask anyone to accompany him, since he felt like this was a more intimate experience.</p>
<p>The salesman had been rather helpful, and was currently questioning Spock on his material preference. Spock himself preferred leather, but it ultimately wasn't about what he wanted. He hadn't been given any information on what Jim would prefer. He doubted that Jim would be wanting to wear the collar at all, but it was customary for the dominant to present their submissive with one at the bonding ceremony. It was, of course, also custom that the submissive would wear their dominant's collar from that point forward, but Spock wouldn't put that pressure on Jim. As pleasing as it would be to see the physical evidence of the bond on his mate, Spock understood that the bonding itself was already difficult enough.</p>
<p>"The leather is appealing," Spock murmured, more to himself than to the salesman. He continued searching until his eyes landed on one. It was a leather, dark maroon collar with a black buckle. Spock caressed it with his fingers, feeling the smooth leather. He had not yet seen Jim's face, so it was solely his imagination and the physical description that had been given to him by Nyota that allowed Spock to picture how the collar would look fastened around Jim's neck. Further more, he imagined it with a dog tag hanging off the front, engraved with Spock's name. He nearly shuddered.</p>
<p>"This one," Spock said.</p>
<p>The salesman grinned at him. "Excellent choice."</p>
<p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p>
<p>"How about this one?"</p>
<p>Jim held a suit jacket up for Pike's inspection. It was a dark, metallic blue. </p>
<p>Pike leaned forward from where he was sat in one of the shop's chairs. "I like it."</p>
<p>"Would you tell me if you didn't?" Jim asked.</p>
<p>Pike smiled at him. "Probably not." Jim laughed softly.</p>
<p>It was rare that Pike was able to take Jim out like this. Usually, the Admiral was busy working. He really only had the nights and the occasional weekend off, so Bones was most often the one to take Jim on errands like this.</p>
<p>They were in one of the higher-end shops of San Francisco, searching for an outfit for the bonding ceremony. </p>
<p>It was in two days.</p>
<p>It had approached much quicker than Jim could have anticipated. It felt like it was just yesterday that Pike had sat Jim down in his office on his birthday to give him the bonding lecture. Now, he was picking out a suit for the ceremony. God, how time flew. </p>
<p>Jim had been incredibly surprised that morning when he had been allowed to sleep in. When he finally did wake up, it was on his own accord. He had drug himself downstairs still in his pajamas to find Pike sitting at the dining room table, sipping coffee and waiting for him.</p>
<p>Jim was grateful for the time alone with his adoptive father. Not that he didn't love annoying Bones, but he was in the last two days of living in Pike's home. Two more sleeps and he would be sleeping in the bed of the apartment Spock had picked out for them. There was little he could do to distract himself from the whole thing given that the entirety of their home had become dedicated to final preparations. Jim was involved in few of them; he really didn't have much authority in the situation. But he was a listener of many dinner time discussions between Pike and Bones, and he knew that the two were busy while Jim entertained himself at home.</p>
<p>"Do you need anything else?" Pike asked, rising to his feet. Truthfully, Jim had plenty of nice suits at home, but Pike felt it was important for the young man to have a brand new one for his bonding. It was, hopefully, something that would only be happening once in Jim's life. </p>
<p>"No, I think that's good," Jim replied. He gathered the pants that matched the jacket and headed for checkout. He already had a nice white button-up to go underneath it. Pike had attempted to convince him to go shoe shopping as well, but Jim owned more dress shoes than he ever needed in his life.</p>
<p>Walking out of the shop and into the brisk San Francisco evening, Pike turned to Jim. "You want to grab some dinner?"</p>
<p>"What about Bones?"</p>
<p>Pike waved a dismissive hand. "Late shift at the hospital tonight. This'll probably be the last time we can go out to dinner together for a while." Jim detected the hint of sadness in Pike's voice and was quick to suggest, "Sushi?" Pike smiled.</p>
<p>It was as they sat in the back of the crowded sushi restaurant, sharing Spicy Tuna Rolls, that Jim felt tears prickling in his eyes. He really wasn't sure why. Pike noticed immediately.</p>
<p>"Jim, what's wrong?"</p>
<p>"Nothing," Jim replied, quickly rubbing his eyes and offering his most reassuring smile. "These are just really spicy."</p>
<p>Pike gave a slight eye roll and gave his son a pointed look. "Jim."</p>
<p>Jim sighed. The reason for his tears was simple: He was going to miss Pike greatly.</p>
<p>He recalled the first time he had ever seen the man he now called his father. Pike had knelt down by where Jim was chained to a wall in the corner of a dirty room. Jim remembered backing away from him, trembling. He had thought Pike was just another one of Kodos' friends or comrades there to treat Jim the exact same way. Instead he had looked at Jim and made the promise to never hurt him again. For some reason, Jim believed him. He allowed Pike to break his chains and to carry him onto the Enterprise. There he was given food, new clothes, and a comfortable bed to sleep in. Jim had cried his first night aboard the Enterprise, so overwhelmed by the simplicity of being treated like a human. So overwhelmed by being cared for. And when Jim's nightmares awoke him that night, Pike was in the room in a heartbeat, hugging Jim tightly and talking him through his tremors.</p>
<p>Jim had expected to be abandoned once the Enterprise docked on Earth, but he was incredibly surprised to have been brought home with Pike and given more clothing and delicious food and even a spare bedroom to sleep in. When Jim found out Pike intended to adopt him, he had cried tears of joy and thrown his arms around Pike. He could swear he had felt the man crying too.</p>
<p>Pike had never tried to replace Jim's parents, but he had served as the father figure Jim needed. He not only provided Jim with his basic needs, but he was emotional support for Jim. He helped the boy work through his trauma, and never forced upon him the typical upbringing of a submissive when it was clear it was too much for Jim. Pike had brought Bones into Jim's life, giving him a brother figure Jim never thought he would have.</p>
<p>And now, Jim felt like he was being transferred off.</p>
<p>"Gonna miss you is all," Jim said quietly. He felt stupid, like a child all over again.</p>
<p>Pike's own eyes looked shiny, but the man was quick to hide it. "It's not like you're going offplanet, Jim. You'll just be a few blocks away."</p>
<p>"I know," Jim murmured.</p>
<p>"But I'm gonna miss you too, kid," Pike went on, doing his best to hide the slight shake in his voice. "You've grown so much. Don't think I tell you enough how proud of you I am, but I am, Jim."</p>
<p>Jim's eyes were watering again. "Thank you for saving my life."</p>
<p>Pike smiled wide at him, allowing just a couple teardrops to escape. "Thank you for saving mine."</p>
<p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p>
<p>"You are restless, son."</p>
<p>Sarek's voice brought Spock out of his thoughts. He was sitting at the desk in his study, staring at one of his research books, though not really registering the words.</p>
<p>It was difficult for him to focus at the moment. It was the night before he and Jim's bonding ceremony.</p>
<p>Everything was ready. The apartment had been furnished, the collar chosen, the time and location of the ceremony confirmed. It would be in the Federation building. Spock was reading in an attempt to calm his mind, but it hadn't been very effective.</p>
<p>"Is it not normal to be restless the eve of one's bonding?" Spock asked, looking up at his father standing in the doorway.</p>
<p>"It is normal," Sarek replied simply.</p>
<p>"You remember bonding to mother?" Spock asked.</p>
<p>Sarek nodded. "Of course."</p>
<p>"You have had a rather successful bond," Spock mumbled, thoughtful. The natural dynamics of his parent's relationships always amazed Spock.</p>
<p>"We have been fortunate," Sarek said. "Your mother is a beautiful mate and a natural submissive."</p>
<p>Spock simply hummed and turned back to his book. He could hear Sarek's footsteps, and then his father was standing just in front of his desk.</p>
<p>"You fear the bond will be unsuccessful?" Sarek asked.</p>
<p>Spock looked up and sighed. Yes, a part of him did fear such a thing. Jim did not want to be bonded to him. And though Spock had done all he could to ease the submissive's concerns, Spock could never change Jim's past.</p>
<p>"I fear that Jim will be unhappy," Spock said quietly.</p>
<p>Sarek pondered for a moment. "You are a strong dominant, and a dedicated partner. It is reasonable to assume that James will find happiness with you."</p>
<p>"Thank you, father," Spock responded.</p>
<p>"I feel great pride in you, Spock. You have been all we have hoped for as a son," Sarek said.</p>
<p>Spock felt his cheeks tint slightly and quickly hid it. His father rarely expressed such things, and he wasn't sure how to respond.</p>
<p>"Thank you, father," Spock said. "It is because of you and mother."</p>
<p>Sarek bowed to him, and left Spock alone to attempt to read.</p>
<p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p>
<p>Jim and Spock lay in their respective beds, unable to sleep.</p>
<p>The next morning, they would be awoken to go bond. Time had passed rather quickly for both of them, and neither felt particularly prepared for what lay head.</p>
<p>The next night, the two would be sleeping in the same bed. Jim reached out into the empty space next to him, running his fingers over the soft bedding. Tomorrow night, he would find Spock laying in the space next to him.</p>
<p>Spock crossed his arms over his stomach. Would he be holding Jim in them tomorrow night?</p>
<p>Both men sighed and stared at the ceilings of their bedrooms.</p>
<p>What would tomorrow bring?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim and Spock are bonded.</p><p>Emotions ensue as they both accept this fact.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the delay on this! There has been a blizzard in my area and I haven't had internet access.</p><p>This is the chapter where Spock and Jim are bonded and spend their first night together.</p><p>There is some smut at the end of this chapter along with some brief mentions of past noncon.</p><p>Hope you enjoy and you'll find Vulcan translations at the end.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For once, Jim awoke on his own accord.</p><p>He sat up, expecting to be shoving Bones off of him like usual, but found himself alone in his bed. He yawned, stretching his tired limbs, and looking out his window. It was early in the morning still; the sun just barely risen and its usual bright light not shining through the blinds.</p><p>“Blinds, open,” He commanded into the room. They opened, and Jim was met with the early morning view of San Francisco. It occurred to him that this was the last morning he would wake up like this in this room. </p><p>Today was his bonding ceremony with Spock. </p><p>In just a few hours, Jim would be standing before Spock while an officiant declared them officially bonded. Then, Spock would take him home to their new apartment where they would begin their new life. Jim shuddered.</p><p>Jim sighed and glanced over at the time. It was only 7:30. Bones probably wouldn’t be forcing him to get dressed in his ceremony suit until at least noon. Jim decided to wander around the house to occupy his mind and to get a last look at things.</p><p>Of course, he was being a little dramatic. It wasn’t as if he were leaving the home forever; both Pike and Bones had assured him that he could come back any time he wanted. And, though he hated to admit it, Spock didn’t seem like a tyrant of a dominant by any means. He would surely allow Jim to see his family anytime. Hell, he would probably even allow Jim to spend some nights here.</p><p>But Jim had done a lot of thinking over the last couple months. He was still incredibly anxious about being bonded, but he had willed himself to give it a try. This was something that was important to his father, and Spock seemed like a decent enough person that Jim could tolerate the dynamic for at least a longer period of time than originally intended.</p><p>In a weird way, Jim was also slightly excited. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t anxious to see what the Vulcan looked like and how he actually behaved in person. Jim had always denied the possibility, but it was always there. What if he was attracted to Spock? What if he developed feelings? What if he <i>wanted</i> to submit?</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>When Spock awoke, it was still slightly dark outside.</p><p>He allowed himself to stretch his body out under his comforter before he folded his hands over his stomach and lay on his back, gazing up at the ceiling of his bedroom in thought.</p><p>Today was the day he was to be bonded to Jim.</p><p>Had it really been that long since his father had suggested the bonding to him? Apparently so.</p><p>Spock was given little responsibility in the actual planning of the ceremony. It fell mostly to his parents and Jim’s guardians who had been collaborating over the last week or so to arrange a time at the Federation Building for the ceremony to take place. It was several hours away, but Spock felt certain he would be unable to return to sleep for even a short period of time. He was too restless.</p><p>He exited his bed and used the restroom before deciding to inspect his gifts for Jim one last time. “Lights, seventy percent,” He commanded, and blinked to adjust to the increased light in his bedroom. Hidden neatly in the drawer of his bedside table were a couple gifts for Jim.</p><p>All he was expected to provide for Jim after the ceremony was his collar, but Spock had picked something else out for him. He didn’t want to take it out of the box and risk damaging it, so he just ran his fingers over the binding of its package and hoped Jim would appreciate it. He did take the collar out of the box. He held it in his hands, examining the dark maroon leather and running his fingers over the surface of it. He stopped at the engraved tag. “Spock.” The tag was black with Spock’s name engraved in silver lettering. Spock held the collar close to his chest. Jim may not want to wear it, and Spock was okay with that fact. He would never force Jim into submission. But he would be lying if the thought of his marked collar fastened around his mate’s throat didn’t cause his heart to swell.</p><p>Spock put the collar back in its covering with a sigh. “Soon, Jim,” He mumbled to himself. “Soon.”</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>“Well, I think I might cry.” </p><p>“Please don’t,” Jim groaned slightly and buried his face in his hands. </p><p>He had come downstairs dressed in his bonding ceremony suit with his hair styled neatly and his body sprayed in his best smelling cologne. He had to admit: he did look pretty handsome.</p><p>But the sight of Jim- groomed nicely and basically off to get married- had Pike feeling a little too many fatherly emotions. Pike himself was dressed in one of his nicer Admiral suits: solid black with gold embroidering and his credentials on full display.</p><p>“Sorry, son,” Pike said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “Just can’t believe how much you’ve grown.”</p><p>Jim blushed slightly. He had already shed tears over missing Pike; he wasn’t going to get any more on his nice jacket. </p><p>“It’s alright,” Jim laughed quietly. “Just try and keep it in till after the ceremony at least.”</p><p>“You want to photograph the occasion?” Bones entered into the living room dressed in his typical formal wear: A white button-up with a black jacket and black dress pants. Jim snickered slightly. He was sure Bones was anxious for all the bonding formalities to end so he could return to wearing his casual tunics all the time again.</p><p>“Is that really necessary?” Jim whined. God, he felt like he was a child off to his first day of school.</p><p>“Oh, Jim, don’t be such a sourpuss,” Bones said. “Today’s supposed to be a good day.”</p><p>Jim rolled his eyes. “Fine. One picture. That’s my limit.”</p><p>Bones snorted. “So demanding.” Bones was already holding that same old digital camera he took on vacation. He called one of the housekeepers over to take the picture. Jim found himself sandwiched between Bones and Pike with their arms interlapping around his shoulders. He shook his head fondly and offered a genuine smile at the flash of the camera. Bones took the camera back from the housekeeper and practically beamed.</p><p>“Those are some handsome fellows if I do say so myself,” He chuckled. </p><p>“Please be normal when we get there,” Jim groaned.</p><p>“Oh, look at who’s all worried about us embarrassing him,” Bones snickered. He turned to Pike. “When should we leave?”</p><p>Pike glanced at the digital watch on his wrist. “Probably now, actually.”</p><p>Jim gulped, and Pike reached out to give him a slight shake. “Relax, son. It’s gonna be alright.”</p><p>Jim managed a slight smile. He followed Pike and Bones out the house and down the driveway to the vehicle that would take them to the ceremony.</p><p>Pike sat in the front beside his driver, while Jim and Bones sat beside each other in the back. Once they started driving, Bones nudged Jim with his knee.</p><p>“I was an hour late to my own bonding,” He said.</p><p>Jim raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”</p><p>Bones nodded. “My old man’s car wouldn’t start. Had to walk to the church for the ceremony in 90-degree Georgia weather in a full tux.”</p><p>Jim couldn’t hold in his laughter at that. “What did your wife say?”</p><p>“Nothin’ much really. She just shook her head. Don’t think she was too pleased being bonded to someone so sweaty, though. Her folks weren’t too keen on it either.”</p><p>Jim got some more laughs out of that then smiled at Bones. “Is this supposed to be reassurance? Like no matter how badly my bonding ceremony goes, it can’t be as bad as yours?”</p><p>“Guess so,” Bones replied. He seemed like he was thinking now. About his wife or about the ceremony they were on their way to, Jim wasn’t sure.</p><p>“Do you regret being bonded?” Jim asked. Usually he wouldn’t press Bones about his ex. He didn’t like to talk about her, and Jim felt no need to force him to. But he felt the need to ask now. </p><p>Bones was quiet, looking out the window rather than at Jim. But then he shook his head. “No. No, I don’t.” He turned to Jim. “Don’t think you will either.”</p><p>Jim hoped he was right.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>“We are gathered here today to formalize the bonding between Commander Spock and James Tiberius Kirk.”</p><p>The officiant’s voice rang out into the open room. It was the Federation’s official ceremony hall, reserved most often for official bondings or award ceremonies. Seated in the benches of one side of the hall were Pike and Bones; other Federation officials and colleagues behind them. On the other side, were Spock’s parents with their close associates behind them.</p><p>“Commander Spock, you may enter.”</p><p>Spock walked out onto the ceremony stage. He was dressed in a fine grey suit.</p><p>“Mr. Kirk, you may enter.”</p><p>Jim walked out from the opposite side. He and Spock made eye contact but spoke nothing to each other.</p><p>“By bonding a dominant and a submissive, we are acknowledging a lasting link between the two. The dominant agrees to care for the submissive, to adhere to their needs and provide the dominance and order the submissive needs. The submissive agrees to submit to the dominant, to obey their commands and fulfill their needs just the same.”</p><p>There was a pause.</p><p>The officiant proceeded, “Commander Spock, Hold out your hand.” Spock did so. “Do you acknowledge your dominance and bond to James Kirk?”</p><p>“I do,” Spock replied.</p><p>“And James Kirk, hold out your hand.” Jim did so. “Do you acknowledge your submission and bond to Commander Spock?”</p><p>There was just a moment’s hesitation- a sharp intake of breath- before Jim said, “I do.”</p><p>“The bond is confirmed. Embrace.”</p><p>The two men intertwined their fingers before leaning into one another; resting their heads upon each other’s shoulders. </p><p>And with that, they were bonded.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Jim sat on the edge of the couch, tapping his foot.</p><p>It had been twenty minutes since he had been dropped off at his new apartment. Spock hadn’t arrived yet. The submissive was always dropped off first to become acquainted with their new home and wait patiently for their dominant’s arrival. Jim wondered if he was expected to be kneeling naked by the front door for Spock with a bow wrapped around himself. </p><p>After seeing Spock, the thought created butterflies in Jim’s stomach.</p><p>Spock was a very, <i>very</i> handsome man. He was tall, with neatly clipped black hair with bangs going in a straight line across his forehead. He had the traditional Vulcan eyebrows and pointed ears like his father, and his eyes were an intimidating dark brown.</p><p>Jim was attracted to say the least.</p><p>Jim had tried not to dwell on his attraction as he explored the new apartment. It was nice and a good size. There was the master bedroom, which he didn’t spend much time in because it got him thinking about being in bed with Spock. Then there was the kitchen, the living room, what he assumed was Spock’s office, and what appeared to be some kind of office or study of Jim’s own. Jim’s belongings had been brought over by some of Pike’s servants during the ceremony, including his clothes, books, and personal items like family photographs. The apartment was already furnished with a very formal, modern theme. Jim didn’t mind it. He was never much of an interior designer, so he was fine with leaving that aspect to Spock.</p><p>It still had yet to fully register in his mind that he was bonded to Spock. The ceremony was an incredibly brief interaction, and all he had heard Spock say was, “I do.” He had no idea what to expect when that door opened.</p><p>So, of course, the door opened right then.</p><p>Jim’s eyes shot up. Spock entered the apartment. Jim gulped. He wasn’t sure what position he should be in. Kneeling was probably ideal, but he couldn’t get himself into that position. Instead, he stood awkwardly as Spock entered the living room. Spock didn’t say anything. He just stopped a few feet in front of Jim, looking him over. Jim felt incredibly awkward under his gaze. He shuffled his feet and stared down at the floor.</p><p>“Hello, Jim,” Spock’s voice was smooth, calm. </p><p>“Hi,” Jim mumbled back, still not looking up. He sounded so shaky and fragile in comparison to the Vulcan in front of him.</p><p>“Were you able to examine the apartment?” Spock asked. </p><p>Jim felt it was rude to not at least be looking up when he answered, so he raised his head but was careful to not make too much eye contact. Those dark eyes really did a number on him. </p><p>“Yeah, it’s ver-very nice,” Jim stuttered out. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Thanks are unnecessary,” Spock replied. There was the faintest of smiles on his face.</p><p>They were both quiet for a while; Spock staring at Jim’s face and Jim looking somewhere over Spock’s left shoulder. </p><p>“I’m not sure what you want me to do,” Jim said quietly.</p><p>Spock cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“Well, aren’t you supposed to start telling me what to do now?”</p><p>To Jim’s surprise, Spock chuckled softly. “Is that what you believe our bonding means, Jim? That I simply command you freely?”</p><p>“Is it not?” Jim countered. He met Spock’s eyes then and forced himself to keep looking into that dark gaze.</p><p>Spock shook his head. “Your submission- if you shall grant me it- is a gift. A true dominant would not abuse this power.”</p><p>“And you’re a true dominant?” Jim’s tone probably would have come across as rude and disrespectful to most, but Spock didn’t seem phased by it.</p><p>“I am inclined to believe so, yes. Though I have never been bonded to a submissive before, so I suppose I could not speak with full certainty.”</p><p>Jim just hummed, unsure what to say. He kept his eyes on Spock’s before it became too much, and he dropped his gaze back to his feet. He was surprised when he felt slender fingers under his chin, lifting it slightly so his eyes were back to Spock’s. Warmth pooled in his stomach. </p><p>“I am here to care for you, Jim,” Spock said quietly. “If you have needs, it is my desire to meet them.”</p><p>Jim swallowed. “And you want me to meet your needs as well?”</p><p>“If we are to have a balanced relationship, then yes, I wish for this,” Spock replied. He didn’t remove his hand from Jim; instead, he caressed Jim’s face with a delicate hand. “You have such beautiful eyes.”</p><p>Jim blushed furiously. He nibbled on his lip, before ushering out a quiet, “What do you want me to do?”</p><p>“Whatever you want,” Spock said simply. Jim was surprised that it sounded like he meant it.</p><p>Jim hesitated. What did he want? Originally, he had thought all he wanted was to run away from this bonding as soon as possible. He had wanted to never allow someone to own him again. But Spock was here now; holding Jim’s face, mouth so close to his, and Jim was feeling so warm, so fuzzy. What was wrong with him?</p><p>Before he could stop himself, he leaned in to press his lips against Spock’s. Spock appeared to be taken slightly aback, but he composed himself quickly and kissed back. He brought his other hand up to hold Jim’s face with both hands, and Jim found his own hands gravitating towards Spock’s broad shoulders to steady himself. </p><p>It was Jim’s first true kiss. The first kiss he had truly ever desired. </p><p>Jim couldn’t tell how long the kiss went on for. He had become slightly dazed. He pulled away, taking a step backwards and stumbling. Spock caught him gently by the arm before he could fall.</p><p>“Are you alright, ashayam?” Spock asked softly.</p><p>Jim frowned. “What does that mean?”</p><p>Spock offered him the smallest of smiles. “It is a Vulcan term of endearment. In English, it translates to beloved.”</p><p>Jim blushed, and chose not to respond to that. “Could I have a glass of water?” </p><p>“Certainly,” Spock guided Jim into a sitting position on the couch. “One moment.” He disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Jim alone to gather his breath and his thoughts. If he were like this after one kiss, how would he handle anything else?</p><p>Spock returned, a glass of iced water in his hand. “You are capable of drinking it yourself, I assume?”</p><p>Jim couldn’t tell if Spock was being humorous or genuinely asking, but the thought of Spock holding the glass to his lips for him sent a shiver down his spine. He chose not to dwell on that and took the glass from Spock’s hand, drinking it quickly. </p><p>When Jim was done, Spock took the glass from his hand and went to place it in the kitchen sink. He stood in the middle of the living room and eyed Jim cautiously when he returned.</p><p>“Perhaps it is best if you rest for the evening,” He murmured.</p><p>Jim raised an eyebrow. “Is that an order?”</p><p>“You would know if it was,” Spock replied. Jim swallowed.</p><p>“Aren’t we supposed to… uh…” Jim made a vague gesture in the air with his hand.</p><p>Spock cocked his head to the side in confusion before realization set in and he actually <i>laughed</i>. “You are referring to intercourse?”</p><p>Jim didn’t think his face had ever been redder. He nodded awkwardly.</p><p>“Do you wish to engage in intercourse with me, Jim?” Spock asked, stepping closer.</p><p>What the hell was Jim supposed to say to that? “Um… Aren’t we supposed to?” He asked hesitantly.</p><p>“We are not <i>supposed</i> to do anything. We are both beings of free will,” Spock said thoughtfully. “If you wish to engage in sexual activities, I will participate. You are indeed quite beautiful.” </p><p>Jim was going to explode.</p><p>“But it is clear you are nervous,” Spock went on. “I have no desire to partake in anything you are not adequately prepared for at present.”</p><p>“I’m prepared,” Jim grumbled, suddenly annoyed by the idea that Spock wasn’t just immediately going to ravish him.</p><p>Spock looked amused. “You are?”</p><p>“Extremely,” Jim answered, rising to his feet in order to prove his point. </p><p>Spock crossed the room quickly, then, grabbing Jim’s face in his hands and kissing him. The kiss was brief; just a quick flash of lips and tongue before Spock was pulling away. Jim’s head felt all dizzy again, and he stumbled backwards until he fell sitting onto the couch again. As he tried to regain his breath, he looked up to see Spock frowning down at him.</p><p>“As I thought,” Spock murmured. </p><p>Jim scowled up at him but didn’t argue. What had been his plan again? To resist? To refuse to submit? All Spock had done was kiss Jim, and he was already feeling like he was going to pass out any second.</p><p>“I will run you a bath,” Spock said. “It should help relax you.” Spock turned to leave, but Jim caught him by the arm.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Jim asked quietly.</p><p>Spock frowned. “I have just told you. I am preparing a bath for you.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“As I have said, it is to relax you,” Spock replied. “You are still in your suit as well. I am sure it would be more comfortable for you to be dressed more casually.”</p><p>Jim was very, very confused. Why was Spock doting on him like this? He knew the Vulcan was significantly gentler than the dominants of Jim’s past, but Jim had never expected him to do whatever this was. Jim had expected to be the one waiting on his dominant hand and foot. He figured according to most standards he was already supposed to be in bed with Spock by now.</p><p>“Jim?”</p><p>Spock’s voice brought Jim out of his internal monologue and he realized he still had Spock’s wrist in his grip. He released him with a mumbled “Sorry”. </p><p>Spock bent down to kneel in front of the couch then. That really had Jim’s spending. <i>He</i> should be the one kneeling before Spock, not the other way around. Spock laid the back of his hand gently to Jim’s cheek.<br/>
“Is something wrong, Jim? I could contact Dr. McCoy if you are feeling unwell,” He said softly.</p><p>Jim momentarily lit up at the thought of seeing Bones, but he shook his head. It had only been a couple hours and Bones would surely be concerned if he were called in so soon. There was nothing to be concerned about. Jim was being dramatic. He couldn’t figure out what was wrong with him. </p><p>“No, that’s okay,” Jim said. “I’m fine. I’m sorry, I just don’t understand this.”</p><p>“Understand what?” Spock asked. He caressed Jim’s face lightly and Jim found himself leaning into the touch. </p><p>“This. You. Aren’t I supposed to do things for you? Run you baths and clean and take care of you? You’re not supposed to do this for me.”</p><p>Spock pondered for a moment before speaking. “As I stated previously, Jim, we are not supposed to do anything. There may be expectations in place, yes, but we dictate our own actions. We have only just met. It would be unwise to predetermine the specifics of our relationship. Would you agree?”</p><p>Jim just nodded. He wasn’t sure if he did or not, but this whole thing was just exhausting and overwhelming him. He almost wished Spock would just whip him like the dominants on Tarsus. At least then he would know what to do.</p><p>Spock pulled away from him then, rising back to his feet. “I will run you the bath, then. I believe you would benefit from some time to yourself. Come upstairs when you are ready.”</p><p>Spock turned and left the living room, walking up the spiral staircase of their apartment before Jim could protest.</p><p>Jim fell back into the couch cushions and buried his face in his hands. What the hell was wrong with him? All Spock had done was kiss him and be gentle with him and he had nearly had a panic attack. Then again, Kodos had been nice too. He had helped Jim out of the wreckage of his father’s ship. He had taken Jim back to his home and fed him and bathed him and given him soft clothes. This had lasted for three days before Kodos collared Jim. Was this Spock’s plan? To be sweet and kind and dote on Jim then take what he wanted once he had gained Jim’s trust?</p><p>It had probably been too long that Jim had been seated on the couch thinking to himself. He could hear the bath water running upstairs and forced himself to his feet. He walked into the master bedroom. The door to the attached bathroom was open slightly and Jim could make out the figure of Spock’s body sitting at the edge of the tub. Jim opted to go to the closet, opening the door and finding that it had been perfectly split in half between his and Spock’s clothing. He grabbed the hand-me-down Starfleet hoodie that Pike had given him a few years ago and a pair of black sweatpants to change into. He returned to the bathroom to find Spock turning off the water of the now filled tub. The Vulcan had removed his suit jacket and dress shoes and was just wearing the white button-up underneath tucked into his slacks. He turned to offer Jim that small smile he did.</p><p>“I should have clarified what temperature you prefer your baths. It is warm,” Spock said.</p><p>Jim nodded. “Oh, um, warm is fine. Thanks.”</p><p>Spock nodded back. “I will leave you then if there is nothing else you need at this time.”</p><p>It sounded like Spock was asking Jim if he wanted the other to stay while he bathed.  Jim felt guilty, like he should’ve said yes.</p><p>“I think I’m okay,” Jim replied, dropping his gaze to the floor. “Thank you, Spock.”</p><p>Jim wondered if he was supposed to call Spock “master” or “sir.” If Spock minded Jim using his first name, he said nothing.</p><p>“Very well,” Spock said, then brushed past Jim to exit.</p><p>Jim was left alone with a bath full of warm water and a head full of racing thoughts.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Spock was attempting to look natural.</p><p>He had gone into his office in the apartment to view some reports on his PADD. Sarek would probably reprimand him for working on his first evening with his bonded mate, but Jim had been in the bath for about twenty minutes and Spock was unsure what else to do with himself. Truthfully, he was hardly registering the words he was reading. He was looking to the doorway every couple moments, waiting for Jim. He was trying to appear dedicated to his work so Jim didn’t think Spock was stalking him in their own home.</p><p>Oh Jim.</p><p>Surely Spock was biased because Jim was his mate, but the man had to be the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on. Jim had tanned skin, sandy blond hair that framed his face perfectly, and the most piercing blue eyes.</p><p>He was sweet too. But so nervous. Spock was struggling to read him. One moment, Jim was kissing Spock like his life depended on it, then the next he was eyeing Spock suspiciously for suggesting that Jim should take some time to relax.</p><p>Spock felt that Jim was testing him. He was well aware of the fact that Jim had been hesitant to bond with him. Spock had anticipated behavior similar to this, though he had expected more disobedience. Jim was not disobedient or disrespectful. He simply just seemed so <i>unsure</i>. It was clear that he didn’t trust Spock and found his intentions to be suspicious. Spock would simply have to take the time to earn that trust.</p><p>Jim had suggested sex, but not out of his own genuine desires. Pike had not told Spock the specifics of Jim’s background, but Spock assumed that there had been someone in the young man’s past who had misinformed Jim of what the bond meant. There had been someone who had only ever demanded sex and complete control over Jim. Spock had no intention of doing so. </p><p>Spock finished reading through a message from Nyota when a figure appeared in the doorway. He looked up to find Jim dressed in a maroon Starfleet hoodie and a pair of dark sweats. His hair was slightly damp, and his skin was still a little flushed from the warmth of the bath.</p><p>“Jim,” Spock greeted, setting his PADD down in his lap. “Was your bath enjoyable?”</p><p>“Yes, thank you,” Jim replied quietly. </p><p>Jim stood awkwardly in the doorway. It was clear he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to come in or not and was waiting on Spock to act first.</p><p>“Could you come here, please?” Spock asked, testing the waters.</p><p>Jim tensed. “What if I don’t want to?”</p><p>“I will not force you,” Spock replied calmly. If Jim was going to test him, he was going to pass.</p><p>Jim remained in the doorway, eyes examining Spock intently. The fight in his mind was evident in his body language. He had shifted forward slightly, but his back was still rigid, and his chin pointed upwards at Spock.</p><p>When more than a moment had passed of Jim not moving or responding, Spock sighed.</p><p>“What do you need, Jim?”</p><p>Jim frowned. “I don’t need anything.”</p><p>“I disagree,” Spock answered.</p><p>Jim scoffed. “You disagree with my own feelings?”</p><p>“I did not say that,” Spock kept his voice calm and level. He knew Jim was trying to anger him, trying to get any kind of reaction out of him so that he could prove his assumptions about Spock to be correct. “I do not disagree with your feelings. I do think you are being dishonest about them, however.”</p><p>“Who are you to say I’m being dishonest? You don’t even know me.” Jim’s voice was sharp. Spock could practically feel his irritation.</p><p>“I do not know you <i>yet</i>,” Spock answered. “I would like to.”</p><p>“Sure you would,” Jim grumbled. He crossed his arms over his chest like a child throwing a tantrum. Here it was. The blatant disobedience Spock was expecting.</p><p>“You doubt my own feelings?” Spock asked, unable to hide the slight twitch of his lips at using Jim’s own logic against him.</p><p>Jim glared at him. “That’s not what I mean.”</p><p>“Please elaborate,” Spock allowed the slight teasing to show in his tone of voice.</p><p>Jim didn’t say anything. He just emphasized the crossed arms across his chest and made a “hmph” sound. He looked away from Spock, tapping his foot lightly on the ground. Assuming Jim had no intention of elaborating, Spock returned to his PADD. Before he could get very far back into his work, Jim was entering the room, standing just before Spock where he was seated behind his desk. Spock looked up at him calmly. Jim’s face was a mix of emotions, anger being the most prominent.</p><p>“You don’t want to <i>know</i> me,” Jim snapped, voice just below a shout. “You want to own me. Command me. You want me kneeling at your feet, doing whatever you want. I know what you’re doing, and I’m not buying it.”</p><p>Spock was quiet, eyes scanning over Jim’s features. Jim looked away when Spock’s dark brown eyes met his pale blue ones. The younger man was practically shaking with what Spock suspected was a mix of anger and anxiety.</p><p>When he felt he had gathered his thoughts enough, Spock spoke. </p><p>“It is very illogical of you to assume my intentions so soon,” He said calmly. “Especially when I have now expressed multiple times to you that I have no interest in owning you as one would own a slave. Do I wish to be a dominant to you? Yes, I do. It is in my biology just as the desire to submit is in yours, despite your denial of it. But I wish to do so fairly and respectfully. I wish to care for you, not control you. You are testing me because you believe I have the intention of hurting you, which I do not. I am sincerely sorry that you have had an experience where one has betrayed your trust in this way.”</p><p>Jim didn’t say anything. He was breathing quite heavily now, and that and his rapidly beating heart were really the only sounds in the apartment. Jim stared at Spock in slight disbelief and he was unable to catch his breath. There were tears clearly welling in his eyes, and he fell forward slightly. Spock caught him immediately, pulling Jim into an awkward position somewhere between standing and kneeling with Jim’s top half against Spock’s and his head buried into the crook of Spock’s neck. </p><p>Spock could feel Jim’s tears falling lightly down onto his skin and he held Jim close to him, stroking the young man’s back soothingly. He placed a kiss to the top of Jim’s head. The way his heart already beat for Jim, the way he already ached to see his mate so sad.</p><p>“It is okay, t’nash-veh slor sa-kan,” Spock soothed quietly. </p><p>Jim’s tears stopped slowly, and he remained folded over into Spock as his breathing steadied. Spock was content to hold him for as long as he needed. Spock would be whatever Jim needed. </p><p>After a couple moments of composing himself, Jim pulled away from Spock. He stood fully, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his hoodie, and taking a couple steps back.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Jim whispered. He kept his arm up in order to hide his tear-streaked face from Spock.</p><p>“There is nothing to be sorry for,” Spock assured him.</p><p>“That’s embarrassing, isn’t it?” Jim chuckled to himself and moved his arm, revealing his dry but still slightly red eyes. </p><p>Spock shook his head. “I see no reason for you to be embarrassed.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Jim mumbled.</p><p>There was more silence. Jim was staring at his feet once again, and Spock was trying to figure out the right thing to say. Truthfully, he was often bad at comforting people. The only humans he spent much time with in close capacity were his mother and Nyota. His mother- having spent most of her life around Vulcans- was much more in control of her emotions and rarely cried or lashed out angrily. Nyota could have a temper, but for the most part she was level-headed, and way too intimidating to let anyone see her cry.</p><p>It was clear that Jim was under great emotional distress. It would take time for him to find comfort in Spock. Spock had bonded to him. He would take this time.</p><p>“Spock?”</p><p>Spock’s eyes shot to Jim. “Yes?”</p><p>“You could probably get the bond absolved under emergency circumstances.”</p><p>Spock was startled by that. “What? Why would I do such a thing?”</p><p>“Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it?” Jim answered with that same humorless laugh. “Your bondmate is a total psycho who yells at you and cries all over your shirt.”</p><p>“You are not a psycho,” Spock said quietly. “As for the yelling, well, I would request you don’t do so again. I understand if it happens, but it is unhealthy for us to communicate so angrily. You understand?” When Jim nodded, Spock went on. “Tears are a normal human response to certain emotions. I will never discourage the healthy expression of your emotions nor will I ever judge you for them. I understand you are unhappy in this situation, and I understand you have had such experiences that have made a bond undesirable to you. I will do what I can to bring you comfort for as long as you will allow me.”</p><p>Spock half expected Jim to tear up again, but he just looked into Spock’s eyes. God, those beautiful blues were going to be the death of Spock. He already felt weak under them.</p><p>“Pike didn’t tell you?” Jim asked hesitantly. “About Tarsus or Kodos?”</p><p>Spock shook his head. “I was aware you lived on the planet Tarsus in your early childhood. I was not informed of your specific upbringing, but I am familiar with Tarsus’ practices towards submissives.”</p><p>Jim’s face fell slightly, as though he were saddened that Spock knew this information. It saddened Spock too, imagining his mate in such horrible conditions.</p><p>“They did things to me there…” Jim trailed off, taking a shaky breath. Spock reached out to grab his hand, rubbing a thumb over Jim’s palm. That seemed to reassure Jim, and he continued, “I knew nothing else for a while. I was in a collar I didn’t want… I was chained up, they used me, they took what they wanted, and I had to just submit… Pike saved me.” Jim paused. Spock continued to hold his hand. “I don’t want that again, Spock. I don’t want to be forced to kneel or forced to wear a collar.”</p><p>Spock hated to hear this. It filled him with both sadness and rage to think of someone hurting someone as beautiful and innocent as Jim; especially when he was a mere child. Spock would never allow anyone to harm Jim again. This was his vow.</p><p>Spock hummed. He brought Jim’s hand to his mouth, pressing a gentle kiss to it. “I will never force you to do anything you do not wish to, Jim. I just ask one thing of you.”</p><p>“What is it?” Jim asked quietly. </p><p>“To try.”</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Jim had been a wreck.</p><p>First, the almost anxiety attack. Second, his outburst at Spock. Third, his becoming a sobbing mess on Spock’s chest. </p><p>Spock had been ever so understanding. Still, now that Jim felt more emotionally stable, he was mortified to be making eye contact with Spock.</p><p>He was sitting on the couch currently, reading one of his favorite novels that he was sure Bones had thought to send with him. Jim wondered what Bones and Pike were doing. The two of them had taken the day off for the ceremony, so were they occupying themselves or were they missing Jim already like he was them?</p><p>Spock was in the kitchen preparing them dinner. It was another thing Jim thought the submissive was supposed to be responsible for, but Jim had already pushed that argument enough for the day, so he left it be. He had never learnt how to cook anyway; there was no point when Pike had an entire staff of people who did just that.</p><p>“Jim, dinner is ready,” Spock’s voice called from the kitchen. </p><p>Jim dropped his book onto the couch and walked in. The kitchen was nice; it had marble grey countertops and white painted cabinets. There was a round, grey dining table with two plates set on it across from one another.</p><p>“You may sit, Jim,” Spock said, and Jim did despite the hint of an order in it. “What would you like to drink?”</p><p>“Um… Just water is fine, thank you,” Jim muttered. On the plate in front of him was some kind of vegetable pasta. </p><p>Spock approached the table and placed Jim’s drink on the coaster in front of him before sitting in the seat across from him.</p><p>“I hope you enjoy the meal. I am not sure if your father mentioned to you that Vulcans are vegetarians,” Spock said.</p><p>Jim shook his head. “I don’t really know a lot about Vulcans.”</p><p>“I would always be glad to answer any questions you have,” Spock replied. He took a bite of his pasta and Jim did the same. It was actually very good. Maybe Spock would have to be the chef of the home.</p><p>They ate quietly for a while before Jim’s first Vulcan question popped into his head. “So Vulcans have feelings, right? They just don’t show them?”</p><p>“Partially true,” Spock answered. “We do have feelings, yes. And we show them, just in different ways. For example, when I held you earlier, this was me showing my affection for you. Vulcans believe in finding the perfect balance between logic and emotion. We do not allow emotions to dictate us in the ways that humans often do.”</p><p>Jim hummed, thinking about this through a few more bites of pasta. It made sense. Spock was clearly a very calm person. Anyone else probably would have yelled or hit Jim after his behavior today.</p><p>“You’re part human, though, right? That doesn’t change anything?” Jim asked.</p><p>Spock took a sip of his water before replying. “It does change some things, yes. I find myself more prone to emotions and human behaviors. It takes more effort to be in contact with the logical side, but my father is a good teacher. I have followed his ways.”</p><p>“Your dad’s kind of scary,” Jim muttered. Then, realizing he probably shouldn’t have said that, he blushed. “Sorry.”</p><p>Spock just chuckled softly “Vulcans believe in complete honesty. There is no reason to be ashamed of expressing your honest opinion. But yes, my father could be seen as ‘scary.’ He is quite serious.”</p><p>“Your mom seems nice, though,” Jim commented.</p><p>Spock hummed. “Yes, my mother is indeed a very kind woman. She likes you, as well.”</p><p>“Really?” Jim asked. He was surprised. He hadn’t thought he was anything special during his initial meeting with Amanda.</p><p>“She is the one who encouraged me to pursue the bond,” Spock elaborated.</p><p>“Huh. Interesting.”</p><p>They finished their meal mostly in silence. When Jim finished, Spock retrieved both of their plates and went to wash them in the sink.</p><p>“Do you want me to do something?” Jim asked, feeling guilty that Spock was basically his servant tonight. </p><p>“I can handle it,” Spock answered from the sink. “You could go upstairs to ready yourself for bed if you wish.”</p><p>Jim almost chuckled at the optional way Spock gave commands. It was clear he wanted to tell Jim to upstairs and get ready for bed, but he made it seem like more of a suggestion than anything.</p><p>Nonetheless, Jim nodded and hurried upstairs.  </p><p>He grabbed his pajama pants from where one of the housekeepers had neatly folded them for him on his side of the closet. He pulled them on, tossing his hoodie and sweatpants into the refresher. Next, he went into the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth. Jim had a pretty simple nigh time routine.</p><p>Spock had not come up to the bedroom yet when Jim finished getting ready. Jim glanced at the time shining on the digital clock and saw it was only 9:45 pm. It was much earlier than he usually slept, but maybe Spock was an early sleeper. Jim wasn’t sure if he should sit on the bed or climb under the pale blue bedding Spock had picked out. </p><p>The proper submissive thing to do would be to kneel. And Jim couldn’t deny that feeling in the pit of his stomach that part of him <i>wanted</i> to kneel for Spock. But his knees wouldn’t move. He couldn’t let his guard down. The men he kneeled for before brought him nothing but pain.</p><p>Jim compromised with his inner battle and sat down on the floor, leaning back against the front of the bed with his feet planted on the floor.</p><p>He heard Spock’s footsteps approaching then Spock’s figure appeared before him. He crouched down to be at Jim’s eye level.</p><p>“Is the bed not comfortable?” Spock asked with a frown. </p><p>“No, it’s very comfortable. I just, I don’t know, I thought…” He trailed off. Spock was watching his face intently, waiting for him to continue. He did. “I thought I should kneel for you but I couldn’t do that.”</p><p> “You do not have to do anything you do not wish to.”</p><p>“I know,” Jim answered quietly. “But I do want to. I just… I don’t know how.”</p><p>Spock hummed. He traced two fingers lightly up Jim’s arm. Jim shuddered slightly. </p><p>“It will take time,” Spock murmured thoughtfully. </p><p>“Can’t you just make me?” Jim grumbled.</p><p>Spock sighed. “I suppose I could. Though it would not be true submission if it were forced.”</p><p>“I thought that was the whole point.”</p><p>Spock’s fingers trailed up Jim’s arm to his shoulder, running delicately over his collar bone. It sent chills down Jim’s spine.</p><p>“The goal of submission is for you to want it, Jim. You must wish to share some part of yourself with me. It is not beneficial to either of us if you are submitting only because you believe you are supposed to.”</p><p>Jim didn’t know what to say. He had spent his whole life believing the opposite. He had always thought the goal of dominance and submission was for the dominant to take what was theirs and for the submissive to give it to them. Sure, Pike and Bones had tried to teach him what Spock was saying now, but he had never felt the need to listen. Now, with a domineering Vulcan crouched down in front of him and running soothing hands over Jim’s body, Jim couldn’t process it.</p><p>Unsure of what else to do, Jim leaned forward and kissed Spock again. He did it with such force that Spock nearly fell backwards, but he had great strength and managed to keep himself upright. Jim licked his way into Spock’s mouth, and Spock allowed him to. Spock kept one hand on the side of Jim’s neck and the other came to hold onto his hip. Jim wrapped his arms around Spock’s neck, attempting to pull him in closer with his grip and his mouth. Spock pulled away before he could get far.</p><p>“Jim.”</p><p>Jim just whined, reaching for Spock again, but Spock grabbed his wrists firmly in both hands.</p><p>“Jim,” Spock repeated sternly. Jim’s eyes met his. </p><p>Jim wasn’t sure what was wrong with him. He felt vulnerable, but there was this fuzziness in his stomach. There was a slight buzz in his head. All he knew was that he wanted Spock but was being denied.</p><p>“Please,” Jim whimpered. “Please, Spock.”</p><p>Spock loosened his grip on Jim’s wrists but didn’t release them.</p><p>“I need you to tell me what you want, slor-veh.,” Spock said softly. </p><p>Jim’s brain was becoming too hazy to question what the Vulcan term Spock was using meant. He knew what he wanted but couldn’t bring himself to ask for it aloud. Spock still had his wrists in his hands and Jim was surprised by how little it bothered him to be restrained in this way. Maybe Spock already had control over him.</p><p>Since Jim couldn’t reach for Spock, he opted to roll his hips instead, attempting to meet Spock’s crotch. Spock moved back before he could, and Jim released another loud whine.</p><p>“Out loud, ha’su,” Spock said. </p><p>Why was Spock making this so difficult? Any of the men on Tarsus would have taken Jim by now. </p><p>Jim took several deep breaths, before forcing himself to say, “Touch me. Please, touch me.”</p><p>Spock released Jim and moved backwards. Jim wanted to sob. His head was getting fuzzier, and all he wanted was Spock, but Spock was denying him. Jim didn’t have time to protest before Spock had his arms under Jim and used them to lift Jim up bridal style. He sat on the bed, holding Jim on his lap. Jim whimpered, snuggling into Spock’s chest.</p><p>“Please,” He whined again.</p><p>“Shh, ashayam, I have you,” Spock murmured against his temple. </p><p>Spock held Jim close to him while he reached blindly for the bedside table. Jim angled his body so he could see Spock opening the drawer and pulling out a small bottle. </p><p>“Please,” Jim repeated. It appeared to be the only word he knew right now.</p><p>Spock hushed him again and set the bottle beside him on the bed. </p><p>“Jim, I need you to calm down for a moment,” Spock said. He ran his hands up and down Jim’s sides. “Just take a deep breath.” </p><p>Jim did, inhaling and exhaling deeply. He managed to regain some of his focus, but still felt that dizzy feeling. He looked into Spock’s eyes to prove that he was coming to his senses.</p><p>“I am going to touch you, Jim,” Spock said softly. “Is this what you want?”</p><p>“Yes,” Jim tried to make his voice steady. “Yes, Spock, please.”</p><p>Spock kissed him on the lips then; just a soft, gentle kiss.</p><p>Jim felt Spock’s nimble fingers on the waistband of his pajamas. He started to pull them down, and Jim tried to be helpful by lifting his hips up. Together they pulled Jim’s pants down to his thighs. </p><p>Jim took a deep breath.</p><p>He never thought he would allow anyone to touch him like this again. But Spock was here with him, being so gentle, placing sweet kisses to Jim’s head and cheek. </p><p>Jim was safe.</p><p>Jim didn’t sleep in boxers, so when his pants were pulled down, his cock bounced lightly against his bare stomach; hard and leaking.</p><p>“You are so beautiful, t’nash-veh ashaya,” Spock whispered into Jim’s ear. He kissed Jim’s cheek again.</p><p>Jim trembled as Spock uncapped the small bottle beside him and squirted the clear liquid inside onto his hand. Slowly, he gripped Jim’s cock in his large palm, wrapping those soft fingers around it.</p><p>Jim moaned at the feeling of being touched. He attempted to thrust his hips upwards to get more contact, but Spock stilled him by gripping Jim’s hip with his free hand. </p><p>Spock began to jerk Jim slowly up and down. Jim keened, burying his face into the crook of Spock’s neck as the Vulcan held him close.</p><p>“Does it feel good, Jim?” Spock asked.</p><p>Jim couldn’t answer verbally. He just moaned louder and attempted another movement of his hips.</p><p>Spock’s hand on him stilled, and Jim cried out, thrashing slightly in Spock’s strong arms. Spock soothed him again with soft kisses and gentle hands.</p><p>“Answer me verbally, Jim,” Spock instructed gently. </p><p>Jim took deep breaths. Where was he again? What was Spock asking of him? All he knew was he wanted Spock’s hand moving again. </p><p>“Feels good,” Jim slurred. </p><p>Spock’s lips twitched into a slight smile and he kissed the tip of Jim’s nose. </p><p>Spock’s hand began moving again at a quicker pace. He twisted his wrist, going up and down in long strokes from Jim’s base to his tip, thumbing over the slit and making Jim keen.</p><p>Spock loosened his grip on Jim’s waist slightly and made a hole with his hand for Jim to thrust up into. Jim did so with abandon, moving as far as he could while sitting confined in Spock’s lap. </p><p>“Good boy, Jim,” Spock was telling him. “Ni rom na’nash-veh.”</p><p>Jim moaned loudly when Spock began to place wet kissed down Jim’s neck and collarbones while he stroked him. </p><p>“Spock,” Jim gasped. “Spock, please, I need to-“</p><p>“Would you like to come, Jim?” Spock asked. He spoke casually as if he and Jim were discussing what to have for dinner.</p><p>Jim cried out and arched backwards. Spock held him tighter, preventing him from falling out of his arms. Jim had his eyes squeezed shut, but he opened them to look down at his lap. Spock’s hand was moving rapidly up and down his cock with the assistance of lube and pre-cum. Jim’s stomach was slightly wet with the amount he was leaking onto himself.</p><p>“Can I?” Jim whined. “Can I, Spock? Can I please?”</p><p>“You asked so nicely, ashayam,” Spock answered him with another kiss. “Go on.”</p><p>After another twist of Spock’s wrist, Jim thrust up completely and his cock burst, splattering onto his stomach and Spock’s fingers. He cried out and thrashed in Spock’s arms, but Spock just held him still, working his cock through it. </p><p>Jim whimpered loudly when the touches to his cock became too much and he felt overstimulated. He weakly bat Spock’s hand away and Spock obliged.</p><p>“You are so beautiful, slor sa-kan. So beautiful,” Spock kissed Jim one last time before carefully moving Jim from his lap and laying him down on the bed.</p><p>There were tears streaming down Jim’s face. He was so overwhelmed physically and emotionally. He nearly sobbed when he felt Spock’s body leave the bed. He blindly reached out for him.</p><p>“Shh, Jim. Calm yourself.”</p><p>Jim had squeezed his eyes shut but felt Spock’s fingers intertwine with his. Jim felt a wet cloth wiping gently at Jim’s stomach. Jim sat up slightly onto his elbows, still breathing heavily. He could see the tented bulge in Spock’s pants. He reached for it, having felt guilty for allowing Spock to dote on him all night, but Spock just caught Jim by the wrist and kissed his fingertips.</p><p>Spock left again to dispose of the cloth but returned quickly and pulled Jim’s pajama bottoms back up.</p><p>Jim couldn’t explain the feeling in his head. He was exhausted, but he felt relaxed. Spock had said he was good. Spock had been pleased with him. Why was he so giddy about that?</p><p>Jim wanted to be angry with himself for what he did tonight, but he felt too much bliss to fight it.</p><p>Jim was drifting, his eyes blinking sleepily. He felt Spock lift him up once more, but this time it was to place Jim gently under the covers. Spock walked around to the other side of the bed, lifting the comforter, and sliding in behind Jim. He must have removed his shirt and changed into a pair of satin pants. </p><p>He scooted closer to Jim, wrapping a tight arm around his waist, and pulling him snug against his chest. Jim was already half asleep when Spock placed his chin atop Jim’s head, inhaling.</p><p>“Mine,” Spock murmured into Jim’s hair.</p><p>Jim wasn’t sure if it was exhaustion or agreement, but he couldn’t bring himself to protest.</p><p>With that, he drifted off to sleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for your support on this work and any feedback is appreciated.</p><p>There is probably going to be about four more chapters and I'm considering making a multiple work series out of this.</p><p>Vulcan Translations:</p><p><i>ashayam</i> = beloved<br/><i>t’nash-veh slor sa-kan</i> = my sweet boy<br/><i>slor-veh</i> = sweet one<br/><i>ha'su</i> = angel<br/><i>t’nash-veh ashaya</i> = my love<br/><i>Ni rom na’nash-veh</i> = so good for me</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim and Spock are bonded now.</p><p>They both must come to terms with this fact.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you guys for your support on the last few chapters. I am so sorry for the delay in an update, I've been busy with school and work and haven't had enough time to sit and write. Hopefully regular updates will be back though!</p><p>The typical warnings for this chapter go for smut, mentions of past trauma and past abuse, and healing from trauma.</p><p>Any Vulcan translations will be in the endnotes.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spock was awoken by the sound of whimpering.</p><p>His eyes shot open, and he quickly turned to check on the warm body whose back he was pressed against. Jim was whimpering softly, body twitching every few seconds. "Jim." Spock took the arm wrapped around Jim's middle and held him by the shoulder, attempting to turn him over. When he did so, it was clear Jim was still asleep. His eyes were shut and his lips were parted slightly, making those sad, desperate noises that had woken Spock in the first place. Spock wasn't sure exactly what was wrong, but it was clear his mate was having some kind of nightmare. Spock was about to shake him awake, but the noises and twitching stopped as quickly as they started. Jim's body relaxed, and his lips remained parted, but the only noise coming out of them were the sounds of Jim's light breathing.</p><p>Spock sighed and gently rolled Jim back onto his side. The younger man shifted slightly, but otherwise remained unconscious. It had been an unusual sight to Spock. He didn't dream often; had nightmares even less. Of course, he had never shared a home with anyone other than his parents or the workers residing in the house, so he had never had to comfort anyone having one either. Though, thinking on it, it wasn't hard to believe Jim would be prone to nightmares. Spock had read up on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in the past, and vivid nightmares and flashbacks were a key symptom. Jim was clearly traumatized from the abuse he endured as a child. This would surely be something Spock would have to familiarize himself with to properly help his mate. He made a note in the back of his head to do further research on various therapies and coping mechanisms for future reference.</p><p>Spock sat up in bed, peeling himself away from Jim gently to avoid waking him. He glanced over at the floating numbers of the digital clock on the nightstand. It was only 6:00 am; earlier than Spock would wake usually, but he couldn't often return back to sleep after being woken like this. He sat in bed for a while, simply observing Jim while he slept. He was grateful Jim was curled up facing away from him, for it might have been uncomfortable for Jim to wake up with Spock's eyes glued to him. Spock himself felt a bit creepy, but he couldn't help it. When Jim wasn't having a nightmare, he was quite beautiful when he slept. His face and entire body were relaxed. The only sounds in the room were his light breathing. Spock was tempted to run fingers down Jim's bare spine, but he stopped himself. Jim had had quite an overwhelming night; Spock would allow him to sleep as long as needed.</p><p>After a while, Spock grew tired of admiring his partner and slid quietly out of bed. He used the restroom, washed his hands, and splashed some water onto his face. He hadn't showered the day before and felt like he was due for one, but didn't want the noise to disturb Jim. He decided to go downstairs and occupy himself with reading or meditation. </p><p>Down in the kitchen, Spock synthesized himself some coffee in the pot. He poured into a mug, opting for just a pinch of sugar. He left the rest in the pot in case Jim wanted some when he awoke. Spock didn't even know if the human enjoyed coffee, but it was better to be courteous. Today would probably be a good time to start learning some of Jim's day-to-day preferences and expressing some of his own. They were to be living together now, and it was important to know the little things about one another, most importantly their lifestyle choices.</p><p>Spock wasn't much in the mood to read and hadn't worked his mind up to doing any work on his PADD just yet, so he decided to sit on the back patio with his coffee and think to himself for a little while. The apartment he had chosen not only had a decent little backyard, but it had a nice view of the San Francisco skyline. Spock had chosen a place that was close to downtown, so he could be near his work at the Federation building and not far from his family's home, and so Jim would also be close to Pike's residence. It was still early enough in the morning that the yard was mostly quiet, not yet littered with the bustling sounds of city activity.</p><p>Spock attempted to meditate and to think peacefully on himself and his goals for the day. However, his thoughts were almost entirely occupied by the being currently asleep in his bed. <i>Their</i> bed. Yesterday had had its ups and downs. Spock felt sadness within as he thought of Jim weeping in his arms, and brief flashes of anger and violence at the thought of who had hurt Jim so badly to make him behave that way. He calmed himself quickly with the brief images he had of Jim smiling at him; and what a gorgeous sight that was. Then, of course, there were the thoughts of how their night had concluded. Spock had to take a deep breath to keep himself from getting too aroused at the memory of how Jim felt in his arms, the sounds he made and the heat his body gave off as Spock touched him. Spock had never seen anything as beautiful as the sight of Jim reaching orgasm by his hand. Well, Spock had never really seen anything as beautiful as Jim as a whole. In spite of the resistance Spock was sure Jim would still give, he couldn't fight the chills that went down Spock's spine at the idea that Jim was <i>his</i>.</p><p>Realizing that meditation was fruitless as long as Jim was on his mind (Spock was going to have to hope he became more accustomed to Jim, because he would surely never get anything done again), Spock decided to start preparing breakfast. Truthfully, it had been a while since he cooked on his own. His parents had had housekeepers ever since they moved to Earth, and Spock really only had culinary knowledge because of his desire to be at least a little familiar with most things. The dish he had cooked for himself and Jim last night had been a recipe his mother showed him years ago. Spock examined the kitchen for ingredients. The synthesizer chips were there, but they were mostly for when Jim was left here alone. Spock assumed that because Pike had such a large staff, Jim wasn't familiar with cooking, either.</p><p>Spock had had some eggs and bread bought, and assumed the simplest and safest route would be to just make some eggs and toast. Spock was nearly finished with the food when he heard activity upstairs. The light sound of Jim's footsteps as he moved around the bedroom and bathroom could be heard. Spock finished the food, plating it and attempting to keep his body as relaxed and natural as possible. He didn't want Jim to know that Spock had been thinking of him constantly since he awoke. </p><p>Spock heard Jim's light tread as he bounded down the stairs, then the footsteps and rustling of Jim's pajama pants as he appeared in the kitchen doorway. Spock turned to give him a small smile.</p><p>"Good morning, Jim," He greeted.</p><p>Jim looked quite adorable when he was first awake. He was still shirtless and just in his pair of plaid pajama bottoms. His blonde hair was slightly messy, and his eyes still had hints of sleepiness.</p><p>"Good morning," Jim yawned, rubbing his eyes. He angled his head to see what Spock was doing. "You cooked again."</p><p>Spock nodded. "I have made breakfast for the both of us. You are okay with eggs?"</p><p>Jim nodded.</p><p>"Very well then," Spock grabbed the plates and set them across from each other at the dining table. "Would you like something to drink? There is coffee still in the pot."</p><p>"Oh, um, coffee is fine, thanks," Jim mumbled, scurrying to sit down in front of his plate.</p><p>Spock nodded, quick to pour Jim a mug and refill his before sitting down at the table. He noticed that Jim waited until Spock took his first bite of food before picking up his own fork. It was a very small gesture, but it was subtle submission at its finest. That natural instinct was in Jim to want Spock to be taken care of before taking care of himself. Spock would have praised him for it if he thought it wouldn't make Jim uncomfortable.</p><p>"Thank you for the food," Jim said quietly. "It's really good."</p><p>"Thank you, Jim," Spock replied with a small smile. </p><p>"Do you cook for yourself all the time?" Jim asked through a sip of coffee.</p><p>Spock shook his head. "My father's staff usually prepare our meals. I have learned some through observation of them and my mother."</p><p>"I don't really know how to cook anything," Jim admitted with a slight blush. "Sorry if I'm supposed to."</p><p>Spock took another bite of toast. "No need to be sorry. I have no problem cooking or showing you how to cook for yourself."</p><p>"You're not going to hire staff?" Jim asked.</p><p>Spock quirked an eyebrow. "Would you like me to?"</p><p>Jim appeared to think about this, cocking his head adorably to the side as he did so. Spock was way too enthralled by everything the young man did already. "If you want to," Jim said finally.</p><p>"I asked not what I want, but what <i>you</i> want," Spock reminded him.</p><p>Jim frowned slightly, but wiped it off his face quickly as he ate another forkful of egg. "It's your house, isn't it?"</p><p>It was clearly going to be difficult to convince Jim that in spite of his submission, he was an equal in the home. Spock wanted him to be happy and comfortable with living here, not simply tolerating Spock's decisions because he felt obligated to. </p><p>"It is our house," Spock corrected gently. "You will be living here no differently than myself, so I believe it is only fair that you have a say in what goes on here. Do you not agree?"</p><p>Jim looked like he wanted to argue further, but he just gave a resigned nod of his head.</p><p>"Very well then," Spock hummed. "Would you like me to hire some staff for the home?"</p><p>Jim did the little thoughtful head tilt again before speaking. He was precious. "I guess we could wait for a little while. Then if we feel like we need help, hire some."</p><p>Spock was pleased with Jim coming to his own decision and voicing it. He rewarded Jim with a smile. "That sounds reasonable to me."</p><p>Jim gave a little nod, looking down at his plate. They finished in silence, and Spock went to grab Jim's plate once it was empty, but Jim pulled it away. "I can do it," He said quietly.</p><p>Spock raised an eyebrow, but didn't argue it. There would be more important battles to win with Jim in the future; allowing him to do his own dishes certainly wasn't worth the fight. Still, Spock had to test something.</p><p>"Would you mind washing mine, as well?" Spock asked.</p><p>Jim looked up at Spock, a hint of defiance in his eyes. Spock could tell that Jim was questioning if he should test Spock. Jim wanted to deny his request to see how Spock would respond. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment, but eventually Jim just shrugged and took Spock's plate and walked over to the sink. Spock sat quietly while Jim washed the dishes, trying to feign admiring the view through the kitchen window, but in reality he was trying to angle himself as subtly as possible to view Jim out of the corner of his eye. Jim was washing the dishes in silence, and Spock licked his lips at the sight of Jim's curved, naked back as he did so. It was foolish how within one day of having a mate, Spock was already so easily attracted to everything Jim did.</p><p>Jim finished, propping the plates up to dry. He walked back towards the table, but before he could cross to return to his seat across from Spock, Spock caught him gently by the wrist. Jim's body tensed, and he shot Spock a slightly panicked look, but Spock just used his grip to guide Jim's hand to his mouth, placing a soft kiss to Jim's knuckles. Jim was staring at Spock a little wide-eyed and open-mouthed, looking like he was seconds away from sprinting out of the kitchen.</p><p>"Good boy," Spock murmured. Jim's body seized up slightly, and Spock could hear his breath hitch and his heartbeat picking up. Jim met Spock's eyes for a split second, before yanking his arm out of Spock's reach and practically sprinting out of the kitchen and upstairs.</p><p>Spock sighed, leaning back into his chair and listening to the sound of Jim bounding up the stairs then slamming the bedroom door. This wasn't going to be easy, but it was surely going to be worth it.</p><p>
  <b>-----</b>
</p><p>Jim collapsed as soon as he was alone in the bedroom.</p><p>What the hell?</p><p>
  <i>"Good boy."</i>
</p><p>And the look on Spock's face, that pleased little almost smile, the warmth in his eyes, the soft touch of his lips to Jim's hand.</p><p>Jim felt like he was going to explode. What was wrong with him? He had received plenty of thanks and compliments before. Hell, even Bones had called him a good boy before at some point. But not in this way, not in this context. The reality of the bond was setting in. Spock was Jim's mate. Jim belonged to him. As much as Jim wished to fight it, there was this already existing urge to want to please Spock. Receiving praise from him sent chills up Jim's spine and filled his stomach with butterflies.</p><p>Jim sat with his back against the bedroom door, knees up and burying his face in his hands. So far his time bonded to Spock had been emotionally exhausting. The crazy thing was, all Spock had done was be gentle with him. Jim shivered slightly thinking of their night. He had been practically high on nerves during it, but now he found himself becoming aroused at the memory of being held in Spock's arms, as Spock kissed him sweetly and whispered soothing words into his skin while touching Jim and bringing him over the edge.</p><p>Jim had been hoping to wake up this morning with much of the night forgotten, and have as normal and contactless of a day with Spock as possible. Clearly, that wasn't an option.</p><p>Jim wondered what Spock thought of him, anyway. Was he sitting downstairs in the kitchen, researching how to dissolve a bond before the required waiting period? Was he contacting Pike and cursing him for putting the burden of Pike's trainwreck of a son on his shoulders? Jim found himself weirdly upset by the idea of upsetting or disappointing Spock. On Tarsus, he had never cared about disappointing Kodos or any of his abusers. Sure, maybe at first there was that wounded child feeling whenever one of them would berate him for disobeying, but he only ever wanted to please for his own sake; to know he was good enough. It never mattered that the men would be upset; it mattered that Jim would hate himself for being a disappointment.</p><p>But Jim craved Spock's approval in a way he couldn't quite understand. I mean, who hyperventilated at the most bare minimum of praise?</p><p>Jim listened for any sound downstairs, but if Spock was moving around, he was being quiet about it. Jim wanted to peek downstairs just to see what he was up to, but it would feel too much like him sneaking out of his room when Pike used to put him on timeout as a kid for causing trouble. Jim wondered what Pike was up to. It was a Sunday, so he wouldn't be working. He wanted to send a transmission or call. but Jim didn't have his personal communicator. It had been taken from him prior to the bonding ceremony, and he was sure it had been given to Spock. It wasn't as if he were being held captive, though. If he asked Spock for it, the Vulcan would certainly return it to him. But first, Jim would have to stop behaving like a panicked child and actually face Spock.</p><p>Speak of the devil, Jim heard the sound of rapt knuckles knocking twice on the door. Jim flinched, springing away from the door and falling on his bottom facing it. He assumed Spock was going to barge in, but in typical Spock fashion, he remained outside the door. Jim knew he should acknowledge him, but he didn't trust his voice to do anything but falter.</p><p>"Jim?" Spock's voice sounded distant but concerned through the bedroom door.</p><p>"Hmm?" Jim made a slight noise of acknowledgment just so Spock knew he was alive.</p><p>"Are you alright, Jim?" </p><p><i>No, not really,</i> Jim thought, but he didn't want to voice that to Spock. "Y-yeah, I'm fine, sorry," He managed to get out.</p><p>"Do you mind if I come in?" Spock asked. And there it was, the thing that blew Jim's mind the most about Spock; he always seemed to give Jim a choice. Jim knew there were dominants who had no issue kicking down doors on their sub, yet here Spock was asking permission to enter a room that technically speaking was his.</p><p>Jim hesitated. He had caught his breath and eased his trembling, but now he was going to have to deal with the aftermath of his embarrassing outburst. He didn't want to be a complete coward and hide out all day, however, so he quickly scrambled up to sit on the side of the bed, trying to look natural.</p><p>He cleared his throat, trying to even his voice out as much as possible, before responding with a, "Sure, go ahead."</p><p>The door opened slowly, and Spock stepped inside. He was still dressed in what Jim assumed were his form of pajamas; a grey sweatshirt and a pair of silk black pants. His expression was mostly unreadable as he examined Jim, but the slight worry in his dark, brown eyes was clear. Spock leaned back slightly against the dresser. In his body language, it was evident he wanted to reach out towards Jim, but was resisting the urge likely for Jim's state. </p><p>Jim felt like a needy child. He felt this way with Pike and Bones all the time. He knew he was needy, he knew he was difficult. Every time Pike had stayed behind from an event or a meeting because he was scared to leave Jim alone or anytime Bones had come bursting into his room after a nightmare Jim had felt immensely guilty. Both men always assured him it was no issue, that they were glad to be there and help him through whatever he needed, but Jim couldn't fight the guilt. As little as he wanted to be here bonded to anyone, he hated how burdensome he already was to Spock. The only time they'd been intimate thus far, Jim had cried. Spock hadn't even given Jim his collar yet, and Jim hadn't knelt or done anything remotely submissive other than rinse off a couple plates. Spock was surely plotting ways to rid himself of Jim and find a more docile submissive.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Jim mumbled before he could stop himself. Spock frowned, and Jim looked down at his lap to avoid having to see the disappointment on Spock's face that he had seen on too many men throughout his youth.</p><p>"Why are you sorry?" Spock's voice was calm and level with not even a hint of frustration to it. Either he was ridiculously patient or just incredible at holding in his true feelings.</p><p>Jim hesitated, but he figured he better get it out of the way now. "I'm sorry you got stuck with me. I know Pike probably made me sound like a catch somehow, even though he knows I'm not. I'm just not a good sub, and I'm just so difficult and I just freak out about everything and I know you probably don't want me. I'm sorry, your dad is an ambassador so you can probably figure out a way to dissolve the bond before the allotted time."</p><p>Under his lashes, Jim could see Spock's slow movement towards him. Spock came to kneel beside the bed, placing a gentle hand on Jim's knee. Jim flinched slightly at the touch, but didn't move away. </p><p>"I have no interest in dissolving the bond," Spock said softly, running gentle circles over Jim's knee with his fingertips. "As we have discussed yesterday, I am aware of how your past experiences make this situation difficult for you. I have no intention of making things more so. Additionally, I do not feel burdened by you in the slightest. Admiral Pike did not need to sell you to me; I was already interested by the very first description I heard of you."</p><p>Jim snorted, looking up at Spock nervously. "I doubt that."</p><p>Spock cocked his head to the side slightly in amusement. "You do not find yourself appealing?"</p><p>"Not sure what's appealing about a brat who can't handle affection and cries when he gets handjobs," Jim scoffed.</p><p>"Well, you have a sense of humor for one," Spock pointed out. "And of course, you are quite beautiful." </p><p>Jim blushed, going back to look at his lap, but Spock's hand came up under his chin, forcing Jim to look into his eyes. Jim shuddered at the touch, worried he was going to go into another panic. Between the compliment and the touching, Jim was surely going to melt into a puddle on the floor.</p><p>"May I ask you a question?" Spock pressed.</p><p>Jim nodded slowly, not sure if he was really able to decline in this situation.</p><p>"Does it upset you to be called good?"</p><p>Jim tensed. No, it didn't upset him. Quite the opposite actually; it created so much heat in his stomach that he had to lock himself in his room to calm down. Jim didn't trust his voice here again, so he just shook his head.</p><p>"Would you answer me verbally, Jim?" It was a command hidden in a question, and Jim wanted to punch himself at how quickly he was ushering out, "No, it doesn't bother me."</p><p>Spock hummed, running his fingers lightly down Jim's neck, making Jim tremble slightly. "Good boy, Jim. Aren't you?"</p><p>This time Jim couldn't run. He could only sit, shaking and blushing insanely, wanting nothing more than to switch places with Spock and fall to his knees before the Vulcan. He shook these thoughts off quickly.</p><p>Spock's eyes were on Jim, watching him carefully. Jim could make out a faint smirk on his face, as though he were waiting for Jim's reaction. Surely, he was anticipating that Jim was going to become a blushing, hyperventilating mess like he had just done downstairs. That angered Jim. Spock had only known him for a day now, and was already beginning to feel like he <i>knew</i> Jim. Like he could predict Jim's reactions or gauge his feelings before he spoke them. </p><p>This was how it started: Spock having control over him. No, Jim wasn't going to allow that. The giddiness and rush to his head that he had been feeling was slowly evaporating, and replacing it was a returned sense of rebellion. </p><p>"No," Jim replied sternly. "I'm not, actually."</p><p>He was hoping for at least a scowl or a furrowed brow from Spock, but all he got was a chuckle. Jim glared.</p><p>"Is that so?" Spock still hadn't released his grip on Jim; his fingers were resting delicately on the side of Jim's neck. Surely he could feel it when Jim swallowed the lump in his throat. Amusement laced Spock's voice, and he was looking at Jim with so much confidence that he felt himself hardening slightly in the pajamas he was still wearing despite his annoyance.</p><p>"Y-yeah," Jim answered, trying and failing at portraying the same bravado. God, usually Jim could face up to anyone. Bones was always having to grab onto his arm in public because Jim would get too heated and try to start a fight with some random guy who had bumped into him on the way to the bathroom. Hell, he was always trying to star fight with Bones who was significantly more muscular and physically stronger than him. But here, Jim felt none of the misplaced confidence he usually felt. </p><p>Spock's lips twitched, and it looked like he was trying to fight back a smile. "Oh, well that is a shame. Only good boys get rewards after all."</p><p>Jim whined before he could stop himself. Spock let out another soft chuckle at it, leaning in to press a quick kiss to the corner of Jim's mouth. Jim tried to meet him, but Spock had pulled away too quickly.</p><p>Confidence coming back for a fleeting moment, Jim questioned with as much stability as he could, "What do bad boys get?"</p><p>Something dark passed through Spock's eyes but it was gone as quickly as it appeared. "You are intelligent. Would you like to guess?"</p><p>Jim frowned again. Spock was back in control. Great. He sighed, staring into Spock's eyes and questioning, "Punished?"</p><p>"That would be correct," Spock pecked Jim on the lips as a reward, but pulled away all too quickly again. </p><p>Jim nibbled his lip, casting his eyes downward. Spock didn't stop him. "Are you going to punish me?"</p><p>Spock paused, before humming thoughtfully. Finally, he shook his head. "No. Not now, at least."</p><p>What? What the hell was the point of this teasing if Spock wasn't even going to touch him right now?</p><p>Spock released his grip on Jim and rose to his feet. He returned to his original position, leaning against the dresser with his arms crossed over his stomach. "How do you usually begin your day?"</p><p>Jim frowned, confused at the sudden change of pace in their moment. "Umm... Showering, I guess?"</p><p>Spock nodded. "Very well. Shower and get dressed in what you'd like to wear today, then." </p><p>Jim raised an eyebrow in defiance. "Is that an order?"</p><p>"Consider it more of a suggestion," Spock replied coolly.</p><p>"And if I don't get up and shower?" Jim pressed. </p><p>Jim was hoping at least for a look of annoyance from Spock, but all he did was shrug. "Then I suppose you could spend the day in your pajamas."</p><p>"Why won't you get mad?" Jim snapped, finally having enough. How was he to test Spock's reactions if the Vulcan wouldn't even humor him?</p><p>It was Spock's turn to frown slightly. "Vulcans are known for controlling our emotional responses exceptionally well. Though I must confess that I am confused as to why you wish to anger me so desperately."</p><p>Jim wasn't sure what to say. Part of why he wanted Spock to get upset was to justify his own assumptions. He wanted Spock to get angry and to lash out at him so Jim would have a reason to oppose the bond. The other part was that Jim didn't want to lose himself to the vulnerability he experienced when Spock was good to him. If one compliment of praise could get Jim behaving so erratically, what would more do?</p><p>When it was clear that Jim had no interest in responding, Spock sighed. "I will do all I can to show you that I have no intention of harming you. You are more than welcome to continue playing these games with me, but you will find yourself disappointed often when I do not give you the reaction you are hoping for. I am not going to punish you when you do not deserve it; especially when we have not negotiated such a thing previously. Do you understand?"</p><p>Jim just stared. The phrasing "when you do not deserve it" was stuck on Jim's mind. When would he deserve it? What would the punishment be? With Kodos, it was always severe beatings, time in isolation, nights without dinner. With Pike, it was at most being banished to his room and having one of the housekeepers just leave a tray of food for Jim outside of his door or confiscating Jim's communication device for a night.</p><p>"I understand," Jim answered quietly.</p><p>Spock nodded. "Very well. I have requested that you shower because I believe it would be beneficial for us to go out for the day and spend some time together. Is this agreeable to you?"</p><p>Jim wasn't sure what going out with Spock entailed, but he nodded. He had already argued enough for the time being.</p><p>"Good," Spock said. He moved out of the way, standing more by the door so Jim could get to the dresser and then the closet to pick out his clothes for the day. Jim got up on shaky legs off the bed, walking over. He grabbed a pair of his boxers out of the dresser then moved to the closet. He half expected Spock to suggest an outfit for him, but the Vulcan remained standing still by the door. Jim opted for something simple: a black sweatshirt and a pair of brown pants. Before Jim walked into the bathroom, he turned back to Spock.</p><p>"You don't need to shower too?"</p><p>"I will once you are done," Spock told him. "I do not mind waiting for you."</p><p>Jim didn't know what had him suggesting this, but sometimes his mouth moved more impulsively than his brain. "We could just shower together."</p><p>Spock cocked an eyebrow. "This is an unusual request."</p><p>"Why?" Jim asked, confused. Didn't couples shower together all the time?</p><p>"You have been quite overwhelmed by intimacy thus far," Spock explained. "You have also just confessed to persistently trying to anger me. I do not understand why my joining you in the shower would be enjoyable to you."</p><p>"I haven't been overwhelmed by intimacy," Jim retorted with a scowl.</p><p>Spock stifled a laugh. "Oh, I must be mistaken. It was someone else who ran up a flight of stairs upon being complimented." </p><p>Jim wanted to be irritated at that- and part of him was- but he was mostly struck by the fact that Spock had made a joke about him. He couldn't help the laugh that escaped him, and soon enough, Spock had released the laughter he held back. It was a pleasant moment then; the two of them laughing together, even if it was at Jim's expense. Looking at Spock, his usual stoic features highlighted by the laugh he was in the middle of, Jim felt slight butterflies in his stomach.</p><p>When they both fizzled down, that serious, mildly concerned look was back on Spock's face. "You are genuine in your request?"</p><p>Jim bit his lip, nodding.</p><p>Spock hummed. "Go start the shower. I will be in once I have gathered my clothing for the day."</p><p>It was an order, but Jim didn't complain. For once in his life, he obeyed it.</p><p>
  <b>-----</b>
</p><p>Spock had always prided himself on being an individual with great self control, but Jim Kirk seemed to be doing his best to test that.</p><p>Spock's little experiment earlier had gone exactly how he had expected. Jim had reluctantly obeyed the instruction to do the dishes, but the minute Spock had praised him for his obedience, Jim had gone into a panic. When Spock tried to discuss it afterwards, Jim had begun behaving very childlike, practically antagonizing Spock into punishing him. It was clear that Jim needed the structure, but was too scared to ask for it. He wanted Spock to command him, to enforce rules and to reward him for obeying them, but the moment Jim got the attention he was desperate for, he did whatever he could to get rid of it. Spock almost wanted to grab Jim by the shoulders and shake him to reality, but that was hardly a logical solution. And, somehow now, Spock was in a shower with the young man. What was he to do?</p><p>Jim's beauty tested Spock's self control just as much as his attitude did.</p><p>Spock was in the far corner of the shower, feeling the warm spray as Jim occupied the main head to wash his body off. Spock had allowed Jim to choose the shower settings, and was pleased that Jim also favored very warm showers. It was in Spock's blood to naturally crave higher temperatures. Jim was facing away from Spock, rinsing off the soap from his chest and stomach area. Spock was watching the curve of his back hungrily. </p><p>Jim wasn't overly muscular, but he was slim and fit with a toned stomach and some visible muscles flexing in his thighs. And not to mention his ass. Spock was almost ashamed of the hot desire that overcame him from seeing the rounded flesh in front of him, and so close Spock could reach out and touch it. He would have, if he thought Jim wouldn't yelp and sprint out of the shower. When Jim was finished washing off, he turned back to Spock. Jim's entire face and neck turned red at the sight of Spock watching him, and he was not very subtle when he glanced down to Spock's crotch; giving the half-hard, flushed green cock a once-over. Jim bit his lip and quickly looked away as he handed Spock the soap bar.</p><p>"Your turn," He mumbled. </p><p>"Thank you, Jim," Spock accepted the soap and placed a quick kiss to Jim's shoulder as they switched positions. He soaped and rinsed himself rather quickly, and probably not efficiently enough, but it was difficult to concentrate knowing that his mate was naked and watching him just a foot away. If Spock were holed up in this small space with Jim for much longer, he would lose hold of what little control he had at the moment. Sure, Vulcans were very reserved, but sexually they could be quite animalistic. </p><p>Spock wanted to touch Jim- rather desperately so- but now wasn't the time. Not when he didn't know what kind of mood Jim was going to spiral into the minute Spock gave him the wrong kind of attention. As Spock had already established to himself, this was going to be a learning experience. He was having to take things one step at a time. Besides, Spock wanted to take Jim on an outing, and he didn't want to spend any more time dedicated to <i>other</i> activities.</p><p>Spock shut off the water once he was done, exiting the shower and holding the door open for Jim to follow. Jim did, and Spock gave him little more than a glance as he handed Jim a soft, cotton towel and both men began drying themselves off. Spock dressed himself in a navy collared shirt and a pair of black pants, and Jim in a black sweatshirt with brown pants. The sweatshirt looked a little big for Jim, and he looked quite adorable with the way it hung loosely off his frame. </p><p>"You really are a beauty," Spock murmured before he could stop himself.</p><p>"Thanks," Jim mumbled, blushing and looking down. What a pretty, shy, little thing. Spock fought the smirk creeping its way onto his face.</p><p>They finished their routines side by side, brushing their teeth, washing their faces, etc. It felt very domestic to Spock, and he was grateful for the feeling of companionship that Jim brought him. Despite Jim's desire to anger Spock, all he had really done was bring the Vulcan a feeling of comfort he had never been brought before. Having a mate and a partner for such simple things as this was blissful.</p><p>When they were done, they exited the bathroom and entered back into the bedroom. Jim went to the closet to grab a pair of shoes. Spock already had his won by the bed, which he sat down on to slide them on. </p><p>When Jim appeared, he asked, "Do you have my comm?"</p><p>Oh, right. Spock did. It had been given to him by his father who had received it from Pike prior to the bonding ceremony. Spock could understand Jim's frustration towards submission when he thought of the fact that the submissive was not even allowed their own communicator on the day of the bonding ceremony. It was given to the dominant, who would decide if their submissive would be allowed to have one. What an absurd concept that Spock would not allow Jim communication with the outside world.</p><p>Spock pulled the drawer out of the bedside table where he had stored the communicator. Along with it were the two boxes he had gotten for Jim; one containing his collar, the other the gift from Spock. Well, might as well do these things now. Spock pulled all the items out of the drawer, handing the comm to Jim.</p><p>Jim didn't even seem to notice that Spock had pulled anything else out, as he quickly slid the comm open and tapped away at the screen. Spock was briefly jealous, wondering who Jim was messaging, but he was sure it was either Pike or Dr. McCoy. Jim finished whatever he was doing, sliding the comm into his back pocket. It was then that he noticed the boxes in Spock's lap.</p><p>"What's that?" Jim asked, nodding towards the items with a slight frown.</p><p>Spock decided to present the gift first. Maybe it would put Jim in a good enough mood to not fight about the collar.</p><p>Spock handed Jim the larger box. His mother had actually been the one to wrap them in the velvety red paper. She was much better at presentation than he was. Jim raised an eyebrow, but accepted the box carefully. "Can I?" He asked, gesturing to the bed. Spock assumed he meant sit down so he could open the present easier, and Spock nodded, scooting over so there was room for Jim to sit beside him.</p><p>Jim pulled the ribbon on the gift open slowly and tore away at the paper in a way that indicated he wanted to open the gift quickly, but didn't want to appear too eager for it. Sitting inside the box was a metallic bronze chess board with the corresponding pieces. They had been hand crafted by a personal friend of Sarek's, specifically for Jim. A small "J" had even been engraved onto the side of the board. Spock had recalled from Jim's letters that he had been a fan of chess, and had heard as much from Pike himself.</p><p>Spock watched Jim carefully, attempting to gauge his expression. Jim's lips were parted slightly, staring at the chess set with a sort of awe. He ran his fingers over the material slowly. When he turned to look at Spock, those blue eyes may have been slightly shiny with emotion. Spock wanted to reach out and caress his bondmate's face, but he resisted.</p><p>"Spock, I don't know what to say," Jim's voice was barely above a whisper.</p><p>"You do not need to say anything," Spock assured him. "It was merely a gift to express my affection for you."</p><p>A look of slight guilt passed over Jim's face. "I should have gotten you something."</p><p>Spock shook his head. "There was no need. My giving you this is not typical. I just recall your enjoyment of the game, and thought you might enjoy a board for the apartment."</p><p>Jim was still staring at Spock with this open mouthed look. It hurt Spock to think that, other than his adoptive family, Jim had never been shown such kindness or affection from a dominant before. 'Thank you, Spock," He said softly. "Thank you so much." He even leaned in to place a quick kiss to Spock's lips, pulling back quickly with a blush. Well, that was something. </p><p>Now for the hard part.</p><p>"What's in the other one" Jim  asked, though Spock was sure by the uneasiness that now plagued the young man's expression that he already knew. Spock sighed. He took the chess set box out of Jim's hands, sliding the box holding the collar in its place. Jim glanced at Spock nervously, but he slowly opened the present. He barely had the lid off the wrapped box before he breathed in sharply.</p><p>"You do not have to wear it," Spock said quickly, not wanting Jim to get upset. He had wanted to take Jim into the city for a nice day, and he wasn't going to ruin it. "It is just customary."</p><p>"R-right," Jim said quietly. He pulled the lid off the box gingerly, staring down at the maroon collar inside. His fingers found the pendant with Spock's name engraved on it, holding it. Jim gulped.</p><p>"You do not have to wear it," Spock repeated gently. Though now that he saw Jim holding the collar, his heart was racing at the thought of the beautiful creature next to him donning it. He would never voice such a desire now, however.</p><p>"It's beautiful," Jim murmured, more to himself than Spock. He ran his fingers over the material. He pulled it out of the box completely, holding it in his hand and examining it. Spock watched Jim's face carefully, waiting for Jim to throw the collar down and jump off the bed. He did no such thing, however. In fact, there was the briefest moment where Jim's face relaxed and he fidgeted slightly with the clasp on the collar. Spock felt his heartbeat speeding up, and wondered if Jim were really about to give in that easily and wrap the collar around his throat.</p><p>However, the moment was over nearly as quickly as it arrived. Jim gently dropped the collar back into the box and turned back to Spock with an apologetic look. "Sorry."</p><p>"Why?" Spock asked gently.</p><p>"I just-" Jim sighed, gathering his thoughts. Spock took a risk and reached out to place a gentle hand on Jim's knee. Jim glanced down at it, but didn't push it away. "I can't. Not yet, anyway. I just-"</p><p>"Please do not apologize," Spock tried to sound as comforting as possible. "I assumed you would not wish to wear it. As I have said, it is customary. It is always available to you should you change your mind."</p><p>"You're not mad?" Jim asked hesitantly.</p><p>"Of course not," Spock leaned in to press a kiss to Jim's forehead and was grateful when the younger man actually leaned into the touch. </p><p>"You won't be upset when we go out today, and other subs are wearing their dom's collars?"</p><p>"I have no concern for other submissives," Spock told him. "I have no concern for what other dominants would think of my submissive not wearing my collar, either. We are bonded, and a collar is but a physical representation of that. You can wear it when you are ready."</p><p>"What if I'm never ready?" Jim asked in a whisper. It amazed Spock how Jim could go from showing off so much confidence, outright defying Spock and giving attitude. Yet he could also be so vulnerable; so unsure of what he wanted and turning to Spock for the answers. Spock's heart panged slightly.</p><p>"Then you are never ready," Spock said simply, ignoring the slight pang in his heart if Jim never did want to wear the collar. "I will not be upset."</p><p>"Thank you," Jim said quietly. He turned his head to the side, clearly trying to subtly ask for a kiss without actually asking. Spock gave him a small smile, leaning in to give a quick peck to those pink lips.</p><p>"Come now, Jim," He said, pulling the box out of Jim's hand and setting it on the bed behind them. "We have much to do today."</p><p>
  <b>-----</b>
</p><p>Dammit, Spock. </p><p>Why was he so <i>good</i>?</p><p>Jim had calmed down pretty well from his outburst earlier in the morning. Spock had taken him out for the day, mostly to do some shopping. Jim thought he had been a decently obedient companion. They were mostly shopping for items for the apartment; dishes, cleaning supplies, a few decorations and Knick-knacks. They had ridden in Spock's car with Spock driving, which was unusual as Jim was always driven around by one of Pike's drivers. He supposed hiring a driver was no different than hiring a housekeeper, and that would also be something they would wait to consider.</p><p>They had been shopping mostly in the downtown area. Jim had just followed Spock along from store to store, offering his opinion on certain items whenever asked for it. It made Jim's heart beat a little faster when he thought about how Spock genuinely cared for his input. Jim offered to pay for half the items with the money Pike had forced upon him prior to the bonding ceremony, but Spock dismissed him at each register with the wave of his hand.</p><p>Speaking of Pike, he had in fact been missing Jim. When Spock had given Jim his comm back, Jim had sent a couple quick messages to Bones, letting him know that he was alive and well and Spock wasn't a terrible dictator of a dominant. Bones had replied something snarky, along with confirmation that both he and Pike were missing Jim's presence in the house. It had made Jim sad, but he hardly had time to dwell on it as Spock had presented him the collar moments later.</p><p>And boy, was the collar beautiful.</p><p>It was maroon leather, smooth to the touch. It had a dark metal clasp on it, and a little hook for a leash as well. That had made Jim blush, but nothing had caused the heat to pool in his stomach like the steel tag engraved with Spock's name.</p><p>Spock had, of course, been understanding of Jim's hesitancy. As beautiful as the collar was, wrapping it around Jim's throat meant he was agreeing. He was accepting Spock's ownership, putting himself in that vulnerable position again, and Jim had no interest in doing that. Not yet. Probably not ever.</p><p>It wasn't lost on Jim that as they perused the shops, other bonded pairs were all around them. Virtually every submissive- save the unbonded ones who were out on their own accord- had a collar fastened around their necks as symbols of their submission. In many cases, their dominant had a leash attached to the collar to loop around their wrist. Jim tried to imagine him and Spock walking down the street like that; Jim wearing Spock's name on his collar, while being attached to Spock by a leash. The thought terrified him, making his stomach drop. But there was something else there too: the faintest hint of desire.</p><p>Jim had noticed these couples out on errands with Pike or Bones before, but he had usually paid them no mind. After all, bonding had always seemed like such a far away thing that Jim never felt the need to be stressed or disgusted by the idea of being paraded around like a puppy by his dominant. </p><p>The couples around them, dom and sub alike, gave Spock and Jim some odd glances. Jim assumed it was because they were recognized for their family names, or because it was clear that they were a bonded couple, yet Jim wore no sign of his submission. The unknown dominants seemed angered by Jim's lack of a collar, but the Vulcan walking just a couple steps ahead of Jim didn't even seem to notice the bareness of his sub's throat.</p><p>"We will pick something up for dinner," Spock announced when they departed the last of the home goods stores they planned on shopping at today. "I would prefer to relax rather than cook tonight."</p><p>"I can cook," Jim suggested. He and Spock were walking down the sidewalk towards their parked car, a bag in each of their hands. The offer was mostly a shallow one; Jim had virtually no experience cooking. He would really need to learn solely out of fairness to Spock.</p><p>"Do not worry about it," Spock replied. They arrived to the car, and Spock took the bags from Jim's hands to place in the trunk. "Chinese food is adequate for you?"</p><p>"Perfectly," Jim answered with a smile. "Only if we get dumplings, though."</p><p>"Dumplings it is," Spock agreed. </p><p>And so that's how they found themselves once more back at their dining room table, boxes of takeout spread out across it. Jim was munching on noodles with chopsticks and tossing dumplings into his mouth while Spock much more neatly ate some white rice and vegetables. They were both quiet mostly, and Jim wondered if things would ever feel normal. It wasn't as though he were really uncomfortable or anything, but there was this lull, as though neither were fully sure what was appropriate to talk about.</p><p>"Did you have a nice day today, Jim?" It was always Spock's voice to bring Jim out of his inner thoughts.</p><p>"Um, yeah, it was good, thank you," Jim answered. Maybe one day he would be able to respond to Spock's harmless questions without stammering. Probably not. His answer had been genuine, though. Other than his issues early on in the day, shopping with Spock had been enjoyable. Oh, and also minus the sideways glances from the other couples in the shops and on the street. Jim wanted to bring it up. "Well, there was something that was kind of... upsetting."</p><p>Spock's expression immediately turned into a frown. He stopped eating his rice and looked at Jim with concerned eyes. "What is wrong?"</p><p>"Nothing's wrong," Jim said quietly. "It's just... when we were out today... You didn't notice the stares?"</p><p>Spock cocked his head to the side slightly in thought. "I suppose I was not being observant." Then Spock's face hardened, and he got that look he had this morning when he mentioned the men on Tarsus. "Was someone making you uncomfortable?"</p><p>Jim laughed slightly, shaking his head. "Spock, you don't need to fight anyone. And no, it wasn't one specific person. It was just... You could tell that everyone didn't get why I didn't have a collar on."</p><p>"I was not intending to resort to physical violence," Spock replied, though Jim had his doubts. "And as for those staring at you, it is nothing to be concerned with. They should be more concerned with their own relationship dynamic. If I do not force my submissive to wear a collar he does not want, it is of concern to only you and myself."</p><p>Jim didn't know what to say, so he shoved another chopstick serving of noodles into his mouth. There were multiple things to break down in that sentence. It was the first time Spock had referred to Jim as <i>his</i>. It also bothered Jim how Spock said Jim didn't want the collar. That wasn't entirely true. Jim did want it. In fact, there was a part of him buried deep inside that wanted nothing more than to be branded like that, than to give himself entirely to Spock's dominance. But then there was the other half of Jim filled with fear and anxiety about the prospect of being owned so entirely. The duality of man, indeed. </p><p>"Why are you so patient with me?" Jim asked quietly. "I don't really deserve it. All I've really done is snap at you and have breakdowns."</p><p>"That is not true," Spock replied. He had finished the rice in his takeout bin and moved to begin gathering the trash off of the table. "You have been great company to me today, and I am grateful to have had your input on our purchases. As for my patience, it is in my natural biology."</p><p>"It doesn't frustrate you?" Jim pressed. "That you have the need to dominate, but you're bonded to a submissive who won't even kneel for you or wear your collar or anything."</p><p>"There is no reason for it to frustrate me," Spock said simply. Jim allowed him to take his own empty boxes and dispose of them in the kitchen waste bin. "I have bonded to you. My need for domination is not fulfilled just by commanding. I find great purpose in providing for you and giving you what you need. If what you need is space and patience, it is what you shall have." </p><p>Jim was quiet as Spock tidied the table around them. Spock confused him constantly. How could he find such joy in doting on Jim constantly? In never really being obeyed or submitted to? Kodos and his men would never have found any fulfilment in taking care of Jim. In fact, Jim had been taught at an early age that it was <i>his</i> role to take care of <i>them</i>. If he was unable to fulfill their needs, he was punished severely. Jim had fulfilled none of Spock's needs, and yet Spock never once got angry with him.</p><p>Spock finished cleaning up the dining room and turned back to face Jim. "It is still early. How do you usually spend your evenings?"</p><p>"Umm... Depends. Reading or watching movies. Playing chess with Bones if he isn't working late," Jim replied.</p><p>Spock furrowed his brows. "You are referring to Dr. McCoy?" </p><p>Jim nodded.</p><p>"What is the origin of that nickname?"</p><p>Jim shrugged. "He just looks like a 'Bones'. Maybe it's cause he looks so solemn all the time. Kinda like a skeleton, I guess." He smiled a little to himself at those early times when he would call bones by the nickname. Bones always gave him this grumpy side eye, but he was still cautious around Jim at the time so he wouldn't protest.</p><p>Spock's own lips twitched at that. "Does the doctor find the nickname as amusing as you?"</p><p>Jim grinned then. "Definitely not."</p><p>"A shame," Spock murmured, though he was offering Jim a slight smile of his own. "We could make use of your new chess board, if you would like. I do not mean to insult Dr. McCoy's chess abilities, but I believe I may be a more difficult opponent."</p><p>"Most people would be a more difficult opponent than Bones," Jim laughed quietly. "Only one way to know for sure, though."</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>In addition to being incredibly beautiful, Jim Kirk was also incredibly intelligent.</p><p>Spock found his mind was only half focused on his own moves and the game at hand; the other half was focused on simply admiring Jim.</p><p>It was indeed true that Jim was a good chess player. Given his antics and vocabulary, Spock was expecting Jim to be pretty clever. It was most unusual for his status, of course. Submissives weren't exactly prohibited from education, but most were raised to care more about their future bonding and submission than about academics. They weren't allowed to attend Starfleet for the purpose of holding office, either. Spock recalled Jim's frustration in his letters at being unable to study what he wanted. It was clear that Admiral Pike gave Jim plenty of resources in his own home to educate himself, however, and Jim had clearly taken to becoming a clever chess player.</p><p>They were in the study area, sitting in two chairs opposite the bronze board on the table between them. The game was close. If Jim played his next move correctly, it would be his. Spock couldn't help but stare at Jim's face as he thought of his final move. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He leaned forward slightly in his chair, putting his chin in his hands, with blue eyes flickering across the board. Jim's face suddenly lit up slightly, lips parting and his face doing a little <i>aha!</i> before he reached out to move his piece and secure victory. Spock adored him.</p><p>"Checkmate," Jim said quietly. He looked up at Spock hesitantly. Some dominants may be fragile enough to be upset at their submissive for beating them at such a game, but Spock was not. It was significantly more attractive that Jim had been able to outsmart him. When Spock offered Jim that small smile he usually did, Jim beamed slightly.</p><p>"Well done, Jim," Spock praised. "I am very impressed." </p><p>Jim blushed, biting on his bottom lip and looking down at his lap. He looked similarly flustered to the way he had this morning, but his breathing appeared steady and it didn't seem like he was going to leave the room. Spock watched him for a moment, admiring the beautiful sight that was a flustered Jim Kirk. </p><p>It surprised him when Jim mumbled a quiet, "Thank you." He was still looking down at his lap, a pink blush spreading over his cheeks. It amazed Spock how Jim could switch so easily between being cocky and defiant- testing Spock's dominance- to this nervous, blushing mess in front of him. Spock was certain it was from the suppression Jim had been doing for years. If Jim had spent an appropriate time in subspace, he would be more comfortable with receiving praise from a dominant outside of his family. But Spock could assume safely that Jim had never been brought down for the proper amount of time, and Spock would need to ease the younger man into it if he were wanting to stabilize Jim's emotions and behaviors.</p><p>"You played a good game," Spock went on. "Smart boy, aren't you?"</p><p>The blush on Jim's face darkened, and he started to smile a little bit down into his lap. He shook his head slightly.</p><p>Spock tsked. "None of that." He leaned forward in his seat, reaching a gentle hand out and placing it under Jim's chin. Jim visibly shuddered, meeting Spock's eyes nervously. He looked like he wanted to pull away from Spock's contact, but something was holding him there. "You are clearly so smart. Nothing to be ashamed of, is it?"</p><p>Jim hesitated, bright blue eyes flickering to Spock's and then back down again. But then he shook his head in answer to Spock's question.</p><p>Spock couldn't help the slight upward twitch of his lips. Jim was doing so well, not pulling away and even though it was nonverbally, he had still responded to Spock's question. Spock eyed him for a moment before deeming he could at least <i>try</i> to bring Jim down for a brief time into a good headspace.</p><p>"Good boy," Spock murmured, affectionally stroking the side of Jim's face with the back of his hand. Jim actually leaned into the touch, nuzzling at Spock's hand slightly with closed eyes. Spock's heart could explode. "Would you try something for me, Jim?" He asked quietly.</p><p>Jim opened his eyes. Already, Spock could see the slightly glazed over look coming to them. It was concerning that Jim was slipping into his headspace so easily. Spock assumed it was due to his trauma and his lack of time in subspace previously. Jim nodded slowly, head still resting against Spock's hand.</p><p>Spock rewarded him with a kiss on the nose. "Would you just go sit on the bed in our room for me?" </p><p>"Why?" Jim's voice was soft when it came out. Spock wanted to chuckle, but he held it in. Of course Jim couldn't be Jim without interrogating Spock about his intentions to some degree. No problem.</p><p>"I just want you to sit and wait for me while I clean up the board. Can you do that, Jim?"</p><p>Jim's nose scrunched up adorably in thought, before he nodded again. Spock smiled, releasing his grip on Jim and watching as Jim stood on shaky legs and left the study. Spock wasn't sure if they would be intimate tonight, or if he would just talk Jim through a drop. Probably the latter, but he would see what Jim could handle and wanted when he got into the bedroom. Spock made quick work of cleaning up the chessboard and straightening the area in the study. He left the boxed up set on the table, planning on trying for another match with Jim tomorrow. He quickly made his way down into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water for Jim and a banana out of the fruit bowl on the counter. It was good to have some water and some kind of snack on hand for a sub entering and exiting a drop.</p><p>When Spock entered their bedroom, he was pleased to find Jim sitting obediently cross-legged in the middle of the bed, fidgeting with the hem of his pants. Spock smiled slightly. He set the water and banana on the bedside table, watching as Jim's eyes followed him until Spock was standing over Jim in front of the bed.</p><p>"Good boy, Jim," Spock praised. "Ni rom. You listen so well."</p><p>Jim whimpered slightly, a noise low in the back of his throat. He looked down, moving his hands to his lap so he could fidget with his fingers. Spock noticed this habit of Jim's: always needing to occupy his hands with something. Spock made a note in the back of his mind to find something to help with this. </p><p>Spock approached the bed slowly, sinking to his knees so he could lean onto the mattress on his elbows and close enough to touch Jim. Jim tensed, watching Spock out of the corner of his eye but remaining where he sat. Spock reached his hand over, running gentle fingers down Jim's leg over his pants. "Would you look at me, pi'veh?" </p><p>Jim frowned slightly at the Vulcan term of endearment, but he slowly lifted his gaze to Spock's own. Those beautiful eyes were certainly slightly blurry with Jim's oncoming subspace. Spock placed a kiss to Jim's knee. "How are you feeling?"</p><p>Jim stared at him, as though the question was much more complicated than it actually was. He was clearly going down fast, and Spock needed to ensure he was there to catch him. "F-fine," he stuttered out, voice shaky.</p><p>"Are you sure?" Spock asked softly. He placed gentle kisses from Jim's knee up towards his mid thigh.</p><p>"Mhm," Jim replied quietly. </p><p>Spock stopped his kissing, but rested his chin on Jim's thigh, looking up at the pretty face above him. "I would like us to try something. Will you try it with me?"</p><p>"What is it?" Jim asked, breathing getting slightly heavier. There was concern in his eyes.</p><p>"Such a smart boy to ask," Spock praised him. "I would like us to try a color system of communication. Are you familiar with traffic lights?" </p><p>Jim nodded, nibbling on his lip. "Green is go, yellow is slow down, red is stop."</p><p>"My intelligent pi'komihn," Spock sat up slightly on his elbows, pulling back and not ignoring the way Jim whimpered at the loss of contact. "I would like to try some things with you. Whenever you are comfortable, you will say green. If you are uncomfortable and would like to do something else, you will say yellow. If you would like to stop completely, you say red. Do you understand? Please answer me verbally."</p><p>"I understand," Jim said, voice barely above a whisper. He had moved down slightly on the bed, trying to inch closer to Spock.</p><p>"Good," Spock replied. "I would like you to be undressed. How do you feel about that?"</p><p>Jim hesitated, tongue sliding out to lick at his bottom lip. The sight made Spock's cock throb slightly in his trousers, but he ignored it. "Green," Jim said quietly.</p><p>Spock nodded. "Would you like me to undress you? Or would you like to do it yourself?" </p><p>Jim really hesitated then. He looked from Spock to his lap, then his lap to Spock. "I-I can do it," He mumbled. It looked like he wanted to answer differently, and Spock couldn't deny the fact that he wanted to undress Jim himself. Still, Spock had asked the question for a reason, and he wanted Jim to be comfortable.</p><p>Spock wanted to shower Jim with endless praise when the younger man swung his legs over the side of the bed, rising to his feet. He peeled his sweatshirt off, revealing the tan and toned chest and stomach that Spock loved so much. Shaky fingers went to undo the button and zipper on his pants, and then he was pulling the brown pants down his thighs and kicking them off. He was left standing in only his black briefs, and the growing bulge inside of them was already visible. Spock took a deep breath, willing himself to have control and to not entirely devour his gorgeous sub.</p><p>"Do you want me to...?" Jim asked quietly, blushing and gesturing to his briefs.</p><p>'Whatever you want," Spock assured him. </p><p>Jim bit his lip again. He fidgeted slightly with the hem of his underwear, but ultimately dropped his hands to his side. "Not tonight?" He said, though it sounded more like a question.</p><p>"Not tonight," Spock agreed, offering Jim a reassuring smile. Jim returned one. Jim opened his mouth to speak, but shut it quickly.</p><p>"What would you like to say, Jim?" Spock asked him, trying to keep his voice gentle. </p><p>"Could you... um... get undressed too?" </p><p>It was Spock's turn to bite his lip at the groan pending in the back of his throat. Something was very reassuring about the fact that Jim wanted Spock undressed too. Maybe it was the fact that Jim was comfortable enough to make that request, or because it implied that Jim- to some degree- wanted to see Spock naked just as much as Spock did him.</p><p>"How brave of you to ask, ha'su," Spock said. "Certainly." </p><p>Spock peeled off his own shirt, then undid his pants, sliding them down and kicking them off quickly. The clothes joined Jim in a pile on the floor. Jim looked him up and down, blushing when Spock caught him. Spock left his briefs on, wanting to follow Jim's suit. He stepped closer to Jim, ignoring Jim's slight shudder, and cupping Jim's hand gently in his face. He leaned forward to capture Jim's lips in a gentle kiss. Jim jumped back slightly, but he kissed Spock back. Spock took a risk and slid his tongue into Jim's mouth. Jim opened up for him, moaning quietly into the kiss. His hands came up to rest on Spock's shoulders. </p><p>Spock pulled back, watching Jim. His lips were parted and slightly red from the kissing, and he was clearly trying to catch his breath. His eyes were nearly completely glazed over, clearly losing focus.</p><p>"Color?" Spock asked, still holding Jim's face in his hands and running a thumb over his cheekbone.</p><p>"G-green," Jim panted. And when Spock raised an eyebrow, he insisted, "Green, Spock, I promise."</p><p>"I believe you," Spock said. "Would you like to lay down on the bed for me?"</p><p>Jim didn't respond, but he slid out of Spock's grip and moved back to the bed. He climbed onto it, crawling up to where the pillows were, and laying back on them. Spock eyed his almost naked body hungrily. He climbed slowly onto the bed himself, straddling Jim's legs. Jim was trembling slightly, looking at Spock with weary and unfocused eyes.</p><p>"Inform me if you wish for me to stop."</p><p>Before Jim could question him, Spock leaned down on top of Jim. He placed wet kisses along Jim's cheek and down his neck. Jim whimpered at the attention. Spock lowered his lips to Jim's collar bone area, kissing and nibbling and licking at Jim's skin. Jim moaned out, thrusting his body slightly upwards into Spock's. Spock shushed him against his pec. Spock moved downward, taking one of Jim's perky nipples into his mouth, sucking slightly. He swirled his tongue around it, and Jim cried out again, desperately trying to grind up into Spock's body again.</p><p>"Spock, Spock..."</p><p>Spock chuckled against Jim, pulling back slightly. "Yes, t'nash-veh ashaya?"</p><p>"Want," Jim whined. he moved to thrust up into Spock again, but Spock kept him still with firm hands to his hips.</p><p>"Want what, ashayam?" </p><p>"Want to touch you."</p><p>Spock couldn't fight the groan at that. He pulled back, moving to where he was just straddling Jim's legs and sitting over the younger. "Okay. You can touch me."</p><p>Jim looked up at him. His eyes were bleary, expression dazed. Shakily, Jim reached up to run his fingers along Spock's abs. Spock adored the feeling of his mate's touch to his bare skin. Jim's fingers were so soft, so gentle. Jim ran hands over Spock's stomach and up towards his chest. He stroked Spock's biceps, before moving back towards Spock's lower abdomen. His eyes fell onto the prominent bulge in Spock's underwear.</p><p>"Jim," Spock spoke quietly. "You do not have to do anything you do not wish."</p><p>'Want to please you," Jim breathed out.</p><p>Spock could have orgasmed on the spot. "You are already doing so."</p><p>"Please," Jim repeated. "Please."</p><p>Spock sighed. He rolled over onto his side, grabbing Jim by the hip and turning Jim onto his side as well so they were laying facing one another on the bed. Jim frowned, confused, but Spock just grabbed at his own boxers, pulling them down and kicking them off to toss over the side of the bed. </p><p>"Do you still want to keep yours on, slor sa-kan?" Spock asked, leaning in again to press a few kisses to Jim's jaw. Jim whined. He ground his hips into Spock's bare crotch. </p><p>"Y-you can take them off," Jim whispered. Spock pecked him on the lips. </p><p>"Color?" Spock asked, just to be sure.</p><p>"Green, Spock, please."</p><p>"Easy, slor veh." Spock grabbed the waistband of Jim's briefs. He pulled them down slowly, aided by Jim moving his legs to allow them to slide off. They fell off the side of the bed, joining the other discarded clothing. "Grab the lube from the bedside table."</p><p>Jim's mind scrambled so much to obey the order that he didn't even protest the fact that it was a direct command. He turned away from Spock, squirming slightly as he grabbed the lube from the drawer.</p><p>"Thank you, ha'su," Spock murmured. He took the lube from Jim, squirting a generous amount onto his hand. He allowed the bottle to fall onto the floor. Scooting slightly closer to Jim, Spock pressed their cocks together. Jim moaned out. Spock shushed him with a kiss to the lips, licking slightly into his sub's mouth. Using his slick hand and the combination of pre-cum from both of them, Spock began to jerk them together.</p><p>Jim whined loudly against Spock's mouth. He tried to kiss Spock back, but was mostly pulling back to breathe heavily at the feeling of Spock working them both. Spock himself groaned at the feeling of Jim's cock against his, and how good the quick movements of his hand felt. Jim was humping him slightly, trying to get as much friction as possible. He pulled away from Spock's mouth, throwing his head back slightly. His eyes were squeezed shut, mouth slack. </p><p>Spock quickened the pace of his hand, sure it wasn't going to last much longer. Jim clearly wasn't either.</p><p>Just to be sure, Spock panted out, "Color, Jim?"</p><p>Jim didn't answer; he just moaned louder.</p><p>"Jim, answer me," Spock chastised, slowing his hand.</p><p>"G-green, green, Spock, sir, please, need to come," Jim babbled out. The "sir" wasn't lost on Spock, but he surely couldn't negotiate such a thing now.</p><p>"You can come whenever you want," Spock told him. He sped his hand up, twisting his wrist. They both groaned loudly at the feeling.</p><p>Finally, it was too much for Jim. His cock burst against Spock' own, hot ropes of white hitting both of their stomachs. Spock talked Jim through his orgasm, continuing to stroke as he murmured sweet words into Jim's mouth. "So beautiful, so sweet, t'nash-veh, t'nash-veh, that's a good boy, Jim..."</p><p>Jim was practically sobbing at this point. Spock followed suit seconds later, moaning at the feeling of his release and his own seed joining Jim's on his stomach. Spock only removed his hand when Jim whimpered too loudly at the oversensitivity. </p><p>Jim was crying lightly into the pillow, clearly overwhelmed. Spock ran a soothing hand up his side. Jim reached out, trying to hold onto Spock's body, but he knew he had to extract himself to clean the two of them up. Spock went into the bathroom, retrieving a damp rag. He quickly wiped his own stomach and cock off, before climbing back onto the bed. He whispered sweet nothings to Jim, caressing him gently with one hand and using the other to clean the mess up on Jim's stomach and around his crotch. Jim's crying had slowly stopped, but he was still breathing heavily, shaking slightly, and his eyes were squeezed shut.</p><p>Jim was pliant as Spock slowly turned him over and pushed Jim into a sitting position. Jim opened his eyes slowly, a refocusing gaze finding Spock's eyes. Spock got the water on the bedside table. He held it to Jim's lips, and no verbal instruction was needed as Jim parted his lips slightly. Spock tilted the glass back, and Jim drank slowly until the water was gone.</p><p>"Good boy," Spock said softly. "Are you hungry?"</p><p>Jim shook his head. He yawned, stretching. Spock found him adorable. "Would you like me to retrieve some pajamas for you?"</p><p>Jim's eyes had slipped shut, but he nodded. Spock went into the closet, grabbing a pair of Jim's plaid pajama pants. He came back to the bedroom, to find a barely conscious Jim. He looked absolutely precious. Spock was sure he was still coming down from his high, as his limbs were so relaxed. If he fell asleep now, he may be upset when he awoke, but Spock would be there to deal with that. He carefully maneuvered Jim's legs into the pants, pulling them on him. Spock didn't feel like wearing pajamas, so he redressed himself in just his briefs. He lifted Jim up gently, pulling the comforter up and sliding Jim under it. By the time Spock walked back to his side of the bed, Jim was snuggled into the pillow, on his way to sleep.</p><p>"Night," Jim slurred, when Spock slid under the comforter beside him.</p><p>"Goodnight, t'nash-veh ashaya," Spock replied back. </p><p>Jim snuggled slightly into Spock's shoulders, his breathing slowing as he drifted off to sleep. Spock commanded the lights off, feeling incredibly blessed to have Jim Kirk curled up by his side.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!</p><p>Sorry I didn't describe much of the chess game, I don't really know how chess works lol.</p><p>Vulcan Translations:</p><p><i>t'nash-veh ashaya</i> = my love<br/><i>ha'su</i> = angel<br/><i>ashayam</i> = beloved<br/><i> slor sa-kan</i> = sweet boy<br/><i> slor veh </i> = sweet one<br/><i>pi'veh</i> = little one<br/><i>pi'komihn</i> = little human<br/><i> t'nash-veh</i> = mine</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Healing doesn't happen overnight.</p><p>Jim and Spock will adapt.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you as always for your support and feedback on this work, it is always appreciated. </p><p>Warnings for this chapter that it's going to deal more with trauma, flashbacks, nightmares/panic attacks, and childhood abuse and trauma. I try not to be too graphic, but just be aware as you read.</p><p>No smut in this chapter, but mentions of sexual content.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i> "You'll be a good boy, won't you, Jim?"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Master, I don't-"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Ah, ah, ah, Jim. Good boy's don't argue with their dominants, do they?"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"No, sir."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Good. You're such a strong little boy, aren't you, Jim? Come please your master."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Kodos' rough hand tightened in Jim's hair, forcing him closer even as James' body resisted.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Don't make me punish you, boy. Obey me. You want to, Jim. I know you do. You can feel it, can't you?"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Jim shuddered, trying to fight back. He attempted to crawl away, but his small body was only manhandled by Kodos into the position the dominant wanted him in. </i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Stop! Get off me!"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Now, now, Jim, stop that. Be a good boy. Be my good boy."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"NO! Get away from me!" </i>
</p><p>
  <i>The first connected with Jim's jaw before he could register it, and he fell over, coughing as a blow went to his stomach. </i>
</p><p>Jim shot up in his bed, desperately slapping Kodos' hands away.</p><p>"No, no, no, stop!" He cried out, thrashing violently, but Kodos' hands persisted, gripping Jim's arms firmly.</p><p>"Jim."</p><p>Wait. That voice wasn't Kodos'. </p><p>The hands holding onto Jim forced him still. Jim slowly opened his eyes, still gasping for air. He could feel that he was sweating; blonde hair stuck to his forehead. When his eyes managed to focus in the dark room, he saw the outline of the figure holding onto him.</p><p>Spock.</p><p>"Lights, fifty percent," Spock commanded. </p><p>The light in the room gradually increased halfway, and Jim shut his eyes against it.</p><p>"Jim, please look at me." Whether intentional or not, Spock's grip on Jim's arms tightened slightly. </p><p>All Jim could see behind the dark of his eyelids were Kodos and his men, holding Jim tightly against his will, and him being too weak and small to fight back. "No, no," He panted, desperately trying to pry himself free. Jim flung his arms wildly until he was able to smack something solid. A jaw, it felt like. There was a slight groan in the air, and suddenly Jim was being released as the hands holding him fell away- likely to clutch at whatever part of Spock's face Jim had just laid a blow to. As soon as Jim was free from Spock's hold, he scrambled off the bed. He nearly fell to the floor, but managed to stumble to his feet and hurry into the bathroom. </p><p>Jim fell to the floor as soon as the door fell shut behind him. He sat on his bottom, pulling his knees to his chest and curling in on himself. Fingers gripping at his hair tightly, Jim caught his breath. He was angry at himself, both for his weakness in submitting to Spock last night and for his behavior now. He couldn't even hear the sound of Spock moving around in the bedroom, but he didn't want to. He wanted to be in that room by himself, drowning in the thoughts of the past. He fell still, opening his eyes but staring at nothing.</p><p>Jim felt stoic; empty. He wanted someone there to hold him, but he knew he would never fall into the open arms waiting for him in the next room. </p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Leonard was awoken by the sound of his communicator ringing out into the silence of his bedroom.</p><p>He grumbled, burrowing his face slightly in the pillow. He suddenly felt very sympathetic for all the times he had woken Jim earlier than the young man wished. When the communicator continued to go off, Leonard released a heavy sigh and forced himself to his elbows to reach for where it rested on his nightstand. Judging by the lack of sunlight creeping through the blinds, it was probably still pretty early into the morning. He was probably being summoned to the hospital for some ridiculous medical emergency that he certainly didn't have the patience to deal with. Oh, is the life of a doctor.</p><p>Leonard didn't bother looking at the identifier on the comm as he held it to his ear and grunted out a "Hello?"</p><p>"Dr. McCoy?"</p><p>Whose voice was that? "Um, yeah, speaking," Leonard replied, pulling himself into a sitting position and leaning against his headboard. He yawned and rubbed at his eyes, blinking them open and focusing on the dim light of his bedroom.</p><p>"This is Spock. I regret to disturb you at such an early hour, but your assistance is greatly needed."</p><p>Spock? Jim's bondmate? Leonard straightened up immediately. <i>Jim</i>. </p><p>"Is something wrong with Jim? What happened? Is he alright? Did you hurt him?" Leonard's questions came out a lot snappier than he intended, but this was Jim they were talking about. Leonard most certainly couldn't take a Vulcan in a fight, but he would have at Spock if that's what it came to.</p><p>There was a slight sigh on the other end, and Spock replied, "I have not hurt Jim. At least, I do not believe I have. He awoke quite distressed and I believe he was having a nightmare. He has locked himself in our bathroom. I am concerned for his safety and wellbeing, and I believe he would respond better to your presence. Or if Admiral Pike is available, but I assume your medical expertise would be needed."</p><p>Leonard sighed, pinching his eyebrows together with his thumb and index finger. "Send me your address. I'll be there as soon as possible."</p><p>"Thank you, Doctor," Spock said. It sounded like there was a hint of distress in his voice, but Leonard couldn't be sure. He just grunted in response and hung up the comm. </p><p>Leonard climbed out of bed, dressing in his tunic, slacks, and hospital shoes. He ran to the bathroom to quickly splash some water on his face and brush his teeth, then he was grabbing his medical bag sitting in the corner of the room and practically jogging out of the house. Pike was aboard the Enterprise at the moment, travelling to Andoria for some peace negotiation that Leonard only vaguely knew about. He opted not to send Pike a transmission. The admiral had been so relieved that the first two days of Jim being bonded had gone without a hiccup, and Leonard felt no need to worry the man unless it was an absolute emergency. The way Pike cared for Jiim, he would fly his entire crew back in a heartbeat to make sure the kid was okay.</p><p>Leonard has the decency to not wake any of the staff up at four-thirty in the morning, so he found the keys to one of the vehicles himself, piled his medical bag into it, and headed off to the address Spock transmitted to him. Traffic was a little heavy, but Leonard drove with less caution and a little quicker than usual, desperate to get to Jim and make sure he's alright. He definitely parked crooked outside of the apartment, but he didn't have the capacity to care. He grabbed his medical bag, jogged to the front door, and knocked his knuckles twice against it.</p><p>A moment later, the door opened to reveal a pale-looking Vulcan. In the few times that Leonard had seen Spock, he had never had the slightly panicked look in his eyes that he held now. It was clear he was trying to suppress most of the emotion on his face in the traditional Vulcan way, but the situation seemed to be testing that ability. <i>That's reassuring,</i> Leonard thought. <i>At least he cares enough to be worried about Jim.</i></p><p>"Doctor McCoy," Spock greeted curtly. "Thank you for your urgency. Please enter." He stepped aside to allow Leonard- who just gave a stiff nod in response- inside the apartment. </p><p>Leonard took a brief look around just to examine the living space that Jim was currently in. It was a large space and decorated nicely. That was a good thing, at least. Leonard followed a tense Spock up the stairs and into the bedroom. The bed was still unmade. Spock stepped to the side, standing so his calves were touching the bed. </p><p>"Jim is in the bathroom," Spock said quietly, though he had told Leonard as much on the call. "He will not open the door, though I have tried to convince him too."</p><p>Leonard frowned. "You can't open it from the outside?" Most doors in modern homes were programmed to be able to open with a remote or command to the computer.</p><p>"I can, but I feared it would make Jim uncomfortable," Spock said.</p><p>Leonard hummed in acknowledgement. That was another positive. Spock cared enough about Jim to respect his boundaries and not force him into things. Unfortunately, he would have to learn that sometimes Jim needed the force. He didn't need to be beaten or surrounded, but if Jim didn't have the pushback, he would resist until it was unhealthy for him.</p><p>"Could you open the door for me? He probably won't in the state he's in. I should just go and talk to him," Leonard tried to keep his voice gentle. He didn't interact with a lot of Vulcans, but he could practically feel the tension radiating off of Spock, and he didn't want to say or do the wrong thing to make the situation any more difficult than it already was.</p><p>Spock hesitated momentarily, but gave a tense nod and commanded the door open. It slid open and Jim- who had clearly been leaning against the door- let out a little noise and scurried to the opposite corner of the bathroom. Leonard sighed. This was going to be a long morning.</p><p>He turned to Spock and tried to offer some sort of reassuring smile, but the nurses at the clinic could confirm that his bedside manner was mediocre at best. "I'm gonna just try and talk to him for a sec, check his vitals make sure nothin's too wrong. You gonna be okay sitting out here?"</p><p>Spock still looked incredibly tense, but he nodded. Very well. Leonard walked slowly into the bathroom, sliding the door behind him.</p><p>Jim was curled up in a little bar in the corner of the bathroom, leaning against the bathtub. His fingers were gripping his blond hair in a way that looked painful, and he was trembling slightly while taking these deep, shaking breaths. It had been a while since Leonard had seen the kid in this anxious of a state, and it broke his heart. </p><p>Leonard waited to speak. He knelt down on the floor himself, opening up his medical bag and pulling out the classics: a stethoscope and an oximeter. He didn't care how many people made fun of him for it, but he preferred the old-school tools when he could use them. They would be plenty sufficient in making sure Jim was in a stable enough condition.</p><p>"Jim," Leonard said softly, wanting to warn the younger that he was approaching. Jim raised his head slowly, looking at Leonard with concerned eyes as if to say, <i>Why are you here?</i></p><p>'It's okay, kid," Leonard soothed. He inched a bit closer, and when Jim didn't flinch, he moved until he was sitting on the floor right in front of Jim. Jim was still taking ragged breaths and was still almost completely curled in on himself, but he had seemed to relax slightly with Leonard in the room. Leonard had probably missed the brunt of the anxiety attack and was just going to have to help Jim fully recover.</p><p>"Can you uncross your arms for me? Need to check your heartbeat." Jim hesitated, eyeing Leonard with caution as he spoke, but he ultimately slowly removed his arms from where they were wrapped around his legs and adjusted himself so he was sitting on his bottom still, but with his knees slightly bent and his hands on the floor. "Atta boy," Leonard murmured, ordering a noticeable shiver from Jim. Leonard probably should have asked, but it was clear now. Jim had gone into subspace and was coming out of it in a panic. Leonard made the deduction he had fallen asleep when he was still down, and one of his nightmares had taken over.</p><p>Leonard was gentle as he placed the stethoscope to Jim's bare chest and listened to the sounds of his heartbeat. It was certainly quicker than usual, but not dangerously so. That was a good sign. He took Jim's oxygen levels next, noting that while Jim's breathing was still erratic, it was settling some. Jim would need a hypo injection that Leonard usually used for his anxiety attacks, probably get some food and water in him, then lay down and rest until he felt normal again.</p><p>Leonard put away the stethoscope and oximeter in exchange for the hypo. Jim's eyes widened slightly at it; it had been a minute since he had been having a bad enough attack to need medicine to treat it. But Jim probably felt bad enough to know that he needed it, so he obediently leaned forward so Leonard could inject it into his neck. His body already relaxed a little bit, and he leaned back against the bathtub fully, resting his head on the edge of it.</p><p>Leonard put all his medical supplies away then turned back to Jim. "Gonna go get you some water. You gonna be okay by yourself a minute?"</p><p>Jim bit his lip, then shook his head. "Stay?" His voice came out small and fragile, lacking the usual bravado it had when he spoke to Leonard.</p><p>Leonard sighed, but he couldn't refuse. He scooted so he was sitting on the floor right beside Jim and wrapped an arm around the younger man, pulling him in close. Jim rested his head against Leonard's shoulder, exhaling heavily. Leonard didn't say anything for a moment, just holding Jim close to his body and giving him a moment to calm down and gather his thoughts some.</p><p>"You wanna talk about what happened, kid?"</p><p>Jim didn't answer at first. They sat there quietly on the floor of the bathroom, Jim's heavy breathing really the only sound in the room. Leonard couldn't hear Spock at all in the bedroom and he wondered if he was still in there, or if it was in Vulcan nature to have notoriously quiet movements.</p><p>Finally, Jim took a deep breath, and spoke. "Just a nightmare."</p><p>Leonard raised an eyebrow. "You have nightmares every other night. Don't usually send you into a full-blown panic attack."</p><p>"Was just missing you so much that I couldn't breathe," Jim replied, his tone playful.</p><p>Leonard snorted. "Sure. I'm sure you miss me wakin' you up at 6am and tryin' and failin' to make you lunch. Which- by the way- is this my karma?"</p><p>Jim laughed quietly. "Sorry. Didn't know he would call you."</p><p>"You like that Vulcan?" Leonard asked. He was genuinely curious.</p><p>Jim shifted uncomfortably against Leonard's arm, lifting his head up. "He's nice."</p><p>"He good to you?" Leonard probably sounded like a dad interrogating his son, but Pike wasn't here, so he was filling in.</p><p>"Yeah," Jim answered quietly. "Better than I deserve. I'm a real shitty sub."</p><p>"No you're not," Leonard gave Jim's shoulder a light squeeze. "You're a pain in the ass sometimes, I'll give you that. But you're a good kid, Jim. Spock's lucky to have you."</p><p>Jim scoffed. "All I've done so far is cry and yell and just be an asshole. I mean, how can sex even be enjoyable for him if I have a panic attack like this afterwards?"</p><p>Leonard didn't want to ask- Jim really felt like some combination of his child and younger sibling, so he really didn't need to hear about the kid's sex life- but it was for the sake of knowing what got Jim in this state. "You guys had sex last night? That why you're like this?"</p><p>"Jeez, Bones, don't make it sound so awful," Jim said, actually managing a smile. "And no, we didn't have sex. Just some hand stuff." Jim chuckled a little at the way Leonard scrunched his nose at that. "But I went down. Into subspace, y'know? And it was weird. Never really felt like that before. Felt like I was floating or something. Like all I needed in that moment was Spock."</p><p>Leonard hummed. He had figured as much. Of course, given Jim's past, going into subspace would be something he would have to adapt to in time. "It's mine and Chris' fault. We should have prepared you better for goin' down."</p><p>"Don't think anything could've prepared me for it," Jim mumbled. "It was actually kind of nice. And Spock was there for me, cleaned me off, put me to bed. A real Prince Charming. I fell asleep, and I was fine. But then I dreamt of Kodos, and Bones, I could feel his hands on me. I swear. He was touching me, and telling me I was good, and-" Jim cut off on a whine.</p><p>Leonard felt a twinge of pain in his heart, and used the arm around Jim's shoulders to really pull the kid into a hug. "Hey, hey, it's okay. Kodos is dead, Jim. He can't hurt you anymore. No one's gonna hurt you again." Leonard could feel that Jim was crying a little, and his teardrops were on Leonard's tunic. He didn't mind. "I know how scary it is. But there's nothing wrong with being a sub. Spock's gonna be good to you, he's gonna take care of you. Cause if he doesn't, I'll cut his ears off."</p><p>Jim giggled against Leonard's chest, reaching a hand up to wipe his eyes. "He's a good head taller than you, Bonesy. Don't think you could take him in a fight."</p><p>"Well, we'll just hope we never have to find out," Leonard said, unable to fight the smile creeping onto his face. God, he had missed the kid. So much so that he was actually smiling and not being pissed that it was in fact 5am. "You ought to consider therapy, Jim."</p><p>Jim's giggling stopped and he pulled back to look at Leonard with worried eyes. "What?"</p><p>"Don't get so worked up," Leonard told him softly. "They have therapies for this kind of thing. For subs with trauma."</p><p>"I've been to lots of therapy," Jim frowned. "You know that."</p><p>"Yeah, but not for this. These therapies help you and your dom work together. Help you go down easier, and know how to recover. I'm serious, kid. I think this could be good for you and Spock."</p><p>Jim was quiet, thinking. "You think it would really make a difference?"</p><p>Leonard nodded. "Always worth a shot."</p><p>"You couldn't just be our therapist?" Jim asked teasingly.</p><p>"You know I don't have the patience for therapy," Leonard said gruffly. And Jim smiled again.</p><p>"I guess I'll try," Jim murmured. "Maybe I could receive a hand job without having a PTSD flashback."</p><p>Leonard scrunched up his nose. "Easy on the handjob talk, please."</p><p>Jim laughed. "Sorry, Dr. Prude."</p><p>Leonard rolled his eyes, slapping Jim lightly on the shoulder. "Come on. Get up. You've got one concerned Vulcan waiting out there."</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Spock would not describe himself as an anxious person. </p><p>Usually, he was very composed. It was the Vulcan way, and even his human mother had shown him how to control his stress. Panicking was illogical, and it made much more sense to assess one's situation and determine the most logical solution.</p><p>When Jim had woken up in a screaming, thrashing fit this morning, Spock had panicked slightly. He had tried to hold Jim, calm him down, but this was not the right answer. Jim had wanted out of his grip and Spock allowed him. Jim ran into the bathroom, forcing the door shut behind him. Spock opted not to open it.</p><p>He had paced the bedroom for a moment, feeling incredibly distressed knowing that his mate was in there and he was unable to do anything to help him. Spock hated feeling useless like this. He was he dominant; the one who was supposed to care for Jim, meet all of his needs. He was not caring for his partner by allowing him to be distressed alone in a room.</p><p>Spock knew Jim wouldn't grant him entry or want him to be around at all probably, and his mind raced with possibilities until he thought of the only person who would have the medical expertise and the connection with Jim to be able to help.</p><p>And so here Spock sat on the edge of the bed while Dr. McCoy was in the bathroom with Jim. Spock couldn't fight the irrational jealousy inside him. He wanted to be able to help Jim and comfort him in times like this. He knew that the bond between Jim and McCoy was not the same kind as the same between Jim and himself, but he was still envious at how easy Jim trusted the doctor. It would surely take time to get to that point, but Jim needed to work with Spock. He needed to try. They both did.</p><p>Spock could hear the faint sounds of conversation through the door, but even with his hearing, he couldn't make out the exact words. He could hear both voices though, and was relieved that Jim had recovered enough to be speaking. He waited patiently, trying to distract himself with work concerns in his head in order to not allow the stress and worry to overcome him. Before he could get too far into his thoughts, the door slid open, revealing Dr. McCoy, and a nervous-looking Jim behind him.</p><p>Spock resisted the urge to shoot to his feet. "Why don't you go get some water, Jim?" McCoy suggested quietly. Jim nodded, peeking sheepishly at Spock and then sliding out from behind McCoy to leave the room.</p><p>Spock watched him go, but didn't say anything. Once Jim was out of earshot, he asked softly, "He is well?"</p><p>McCoy gave him an almost smile and nodded his head. "Yeah. Still a little shaken up, but he'll be alright."</p><p>"Are you aware of what sent him into such panic?" Spock pressed.</p><p>McCoy sighed, running a hand over his face. He looked tired, but Spock didn't think it was just because of the early hour. The doctor seemed like the kind of person who would always have the remnants of exhaustion on his features.</p><p>"You know about his past?" McCoy asked.</p><p>"He has described it briefly," Spock replied. "Though I am capable of filling in the remaining details. Has he been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?"</p><p>McCoy nodded. "They diagnosed him when Pike first adopted him. Kid's done almost every form of trauma therapy under the stars. He's gotten a lot better at handling the flashbacks and the feelings, though. Subspace is just... different for him. Harder for him when he has to go down. It's hard for him to trust." A pained expression crossed over McCoy's face. "Hard for him to keep the memories at bay."</p><p>Spock opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it. McCoy didn't need to explain further; he understood what had happened. Jim had gone down last night- probably for the first time in a long time- and then had a nightmare. Spock felt both sadness from the knowledge that his mate was so badly affected, and once again anger for those who had abused Jim's submission, who had hurt him so terribly at such a young age.</p><p>"Look," McCoy spoke again, bringing Spock out of his thoughts. "I know we don't know each other real well, but I love that kid. He's a little shit sometimes, no doubt about that, but he's a good kid. And I know you care about him too."</p><p>"I do," Spock affirmed. <i>More than I have ever cared for anyone</i>, Spock thought to himself.</p><p>"You're good for him, I can tell," McCoy went on. "I know the kid's a lot of work, but I hope you give him a try. Stick with him. He'll get there, you know. He just needs help."</p><p>"I would never abandon Jim," Spock said, almost angry at the implication that he would. "I do not know how most humans view these arrangements, but Vulcans mate for life. I have bonded to Jim, and therefore will care for him for as long as he will allow me to."</p><p>McCoy cleared his throat slightly, nodding. "Good. That's good." He paused. "I, um, know I'm not your doctor or anything, and hell I'm probably not qualified to even give this advice to Jim, but I think you guys should try some dom/sub trauma therapy."</p><p>Spock frowned slightly. He had not heard of this concept before, though he had really never had any need to be aware of it. "What exactly does this entail?"</p><p>"It's talkin' with a therapist, workin' through your issues," McCoy replied. "Well, more Jim's issues than yours, I suppose. But it would help you know how to deal with 'em. Helps him go down, get comfortable with going down and comin' back up."</p><p>It sounded nice, really. Spock had never been to any sort of therapy before, but save for some of the bullying he had endured for his hybrid identity as a child on Vulcan, he had never really had any experiences that would push him to that situation. His father had taught him the practice of meditation at a young age, and that had been his main coping mechanism. If he ever felt so upset by an issue that he wished to speak to someone else about it, his mother was always a listening ear and always full of advice to offer him.</p><p>But as Jim's bondmate, Spock would do anything necessary for the young man. If this therapy would help Jim with his identity and would help Spock with knowing how to care for Jim when he struggled like this, it sounded like a good idea. Spock did not mind dealing with Jim's outbursts or comforting him in the slightest, but it would make both of their lives easier and <i>happier</i> if they worked through their issues together. </p><p>"I will agree to this," Spock said. "If it will benefit Jim, I will agree to nearly anything."</p><p>McCoy offered him a genuine smile then. "You're a good man, Spock. Er, good Vulcan."</p><p>Spock's own lips twitched. "You as well, doctor. A good human that is."</p><p>McCoy laughed lightly, but was interrupted by footsteps approaching . Both men in the bedroom turned to see Jim standing awkwardly in the doorway, feet crossed and hands shoved in the pockets of his pajama pants.</p><p>"You okay, kid?" McCoy asked.</p><p>Jim nodded. " 'M fine."</p><p>Jim took a quick glance at Spock, but immediately shifted his gaze to the doctor when their eyes met. Spock wanted to chuckle. Shy little human.</p><p>McCoy cleared his throat again. "Should probably get going. Got a night shift at the clinic tonight. Might want to try to get <i>some</i> sleep before then.'</p><p>Spock rose to his feet then, holding out a hand for the doctor to shake. "Thank you for your assistance, doctor."</p><p>McCoy shook his head slightly, but shook Spock's hand nonetheless. "Anytime, Spock. Just try to only comm me after 8am in the future."</p><p>"Gladly," Spock said, amused.</p><p>McCoy stopped by Jim on his way out the door. "You sure you're okay?" Jim nodded. McCoy wrapped his arms around Jim in a hug, pulling him in close and pressing a quick kiss to the top of Jim's head. "Be good, kid. You need anything, you know how to reach me."</p><p>"Thanks, Bones," Jim said quietly. </p><p>McCoy did a quick once-over of Jim, nodded back at Spock, then left the room. He descended the stairs, and soon enough, Spock heard the sound of the front door shutting as the doctor left.</p><p>That left Spock and Jim alone to work out their issues.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>What was Jim's mental breakdown score at this point? Three? Maybe four?</p><p>And to make matters worse, Bones had shown up. <i>Bones!</i> Spock had been so concerned by Jim's behavior that he had contacted Bones at 4am to come talk Jim down from a panic attack. In a way, Jim was glad he had. The hypo that Bones had given him had relaxed his body greatly. His breathing was even, his heartbeat regular, his limbs no longer trembling. He would never admit it to the doctor's face, but getting to see and talk to Bones was a comfort in and of itself. He had missed the old grump.</p><p>Jim was almost sad to see him go, but he knew he needed the one-on-one conversation with Spock. They needed to discuss the possibility of therapy. Jim was grateful that he had hydrated at Bones' request, otherwise his mouth would be unbelievably dry as he stood in the doorway of his and Spock's bedroom.</p><p>"Would you like to sit?" Spock asked, gesturing to the empty spot at the edge of the bed beside him.</p><p>"Could we lay down, actually?" Jim asked quietly, running a hand down the back of his neck. "The anxiety hypo makes me a little sleepy."</p><p>"Of course." Spock moved up onto the bed, sliding over to the far side and laying with his back against the pillows. Jim noticed that he had made it while him and Bones were in the bathroom. He offered Spock a small smile then climbed onto the bed beside him. He lay back in the same position, keeping a little bit away from Spock, but allowing their legs to brush up against one another. Jim couldn't deny that he enjoyed the subtle contact.</p><p>"Are you feeling better, Jim?" Spock asked once they were settled.</p><p> </p><p>"Y-yeah," Jim answered. "Sorry for the whole thing this morning. I didn't hurt you, did I? When I was throwing my arms around and stuff?"</p><p>Spock made a light chuckling sound. "It would be very difficult for you to cause me physical harm. Vulcans are quite strong."</p><p>"That's good to know," Jim said with a small laugh of his own. </p><p>"You should not feel sorry," Spock said softly. "It is I who should be apologizing. I should have been more considerate and brought you out of subspace before you slept. Or stayed awake while you slept to be here for you when you awoke. The nightmares that plague your mind are not your fault."</p><p>Jim was quiet, chewing on his bottom lip. What had he ever done to deserve a dominant and a partner that was as patient and understanding as Spock? Was the Vulcan actually blaming himself for Jim's situation?</p><p>"It's not your fault either, Spock," Jim murmured. He scooted a little closer to Spock, enjoying the warmth he felt from his dominant's body next to his own. "You couldn't have known."</p><p>"No, but I should have been prepared," Spock said. "I hope you can be patient with me as I work on these things, Jim. It will take time to care for you fully in the way that you need."</p><p>"It'll take me time, too," Jim replied. "To be what you need."</p><p>Spock reached a tentative hand out to run gentle fingers down Jim's arm. Jim found himself shivering at the touch, but he didn't pull away. "You are already what I need, Jim. Everything I will ever."</p><p>Jim gulped, unsure of what to say. He was nothing, really. A moody, traumatized child. But Spock- beautiful, caring, intelligent Spock- cared for Jim so greatly just naturally as he was. Jim was quiet, just enjoying the feeling of being near Spock and the sounds of their breathing and heartbeats faint in the room.</p><p>"Dr. McCoy mentioned something about therapy," Spock said thoughtfully. "This is something you are familiar with?"</p><p>"Yeah," Jim responded quietly. "Been through a lot of therapy in my life."</p><p>"It has been helpful to you?"</p><p>Jim nodded. And really, it had. If Pike didn't have access to the therapies he had gotten, who knows how much worse of a mess Jim would be?</p><p>"I would like to try it together, if you would be comfortable," Spock continued. "It may be helpful for both of us. At some point, we must come to a long-term understanding in this. Do you agree?"</p><p>Jim was nervous at the prospect of therapy with Spock. Yes, he wanted help with his submission. He had accepted that much. But the idea of anyone- let alone Spock- knowing him so fully terrified him. In therapy, Spock would hear all about what had happened to Jim. There would probably be more panic attacks, more tears and frustration. Would Spock really want to stay with him after that?</p><p>"Jim?"</p><p>Jim realized he had been too busy thinking, and had not answered Spock's question.</p><p>"O-oh, yeah, sorry," He said quickly. "We could try it. If you want."</p><p>Spock removed his hand from Jim's arm, and slender fingers came to grab Jim's chin lightly. His head was turned until he was staring into chocolate brown Vulcan eyes. "Is it what you want?"</p><p>"Yes," Jim managed with more certainty. "Yeah, it is."</p><p>Spock's lips twitched, and he leaned in to press a gentle kiss to Jim's lips. Jim kissed back. Their mouths moved slowly against each other's. Spock held Jim's face gently, and Jim's hands came up to rest on Spock's bicep. They kissed slowly, lazily for a while. It was nice. Jim cherished the feeling of being held by Spock, the feeling of being able to be so close to one another with no rush, no pressure for more. </p><p>Eventually, Jim was running out of breath. He pulled away, licking his bottom lip, and watching the way Spock eyed him hungrily as he did so.</p><p>"You should not tempt me with such actions," Spock said quietly.</p><p>Jim giggled slightly, repeating the movement. Spock squeezed his eyes shut, and then he actually gave Jim's cheek a little pinch. "Behave."</p><p>Jim blushed, moving to burrow his face a little in Spock's neck. "Sorry."</p><p>He felt Spock kiss his forehead. "You are forgiven."</p><p>Jim grinned against Spock's neck. "You're easy."</p><p>"Only for you," Spock murmured.</p><p>Jim yawned, snuggling further into Spock. "Sleepy."</p><p>"You slept for very little, ashayam," Spock said quietly. "You should rest more. We can discuss the specifics of our therapy then."</p><p>"Yeah," Jim yawned again. He felt his eyes slipping shut. He was anxious about everything that was coming, but that would be later's issue. Right now, he felt safe bundled up in Spock's arms. IF more nightmares came, Spock would be here. </p><p>
  <i>Spock would be here.</i>
</p><p>"You should get under the blanket, slor sa-kan," Spock spoke. "It is silly to sleep on top of a made bed."</p><p>"Too tired," Jim grumbled, voice thick with sleep. </p><p>"Perhaps our therapist will assist with this stubborn attitude of yours," Spock chuckled against Jim' hair. </p><p>"Wouldn't count on it," Jim yawned for a third time before he shut his eyes completely and sleep began to overtake him.</p><p>Who knew how he would sleep or how he would wake up? All Jim knew was that- at least for the moment- he was safe where he was. And for now, that was good enough.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!</p><p>Sorry that this is a shorter chapter and kind of a filler, but it was needed so we can move to the final parts of the story. I've decided this is going to be ten chapters, and I'll probably make this work part of a series showing Jim and Spock in day-to-day life.</p><p>And sorry for no smut, but it didn't work with the context of the chapter.</p><p>Vulcan Translations:</p><p><i>ashayam</i> = beloved<br/><i> slor sa-kan</i> = sweet boy</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim and Spock begin therapy together.</p><p>They'll have a long way to go, but seeking help is the first step.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you as always for your support and your feedback on this work, I really appreciate it.</p><p>This chapter is going to be pretty Jim-centered and have a bit more of his POV than Spock's but it has to be that way for the sake of the therapy sessions and his healings. There's also a slight time jump here of about a week just to help move things along some.</p><p>Warnings for mentions of child abuse and childhood trauma, dealing with trauma, depression, and anxiety, and therapy. Sexual content as well. </p><p>Hope you enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jim tapped his foot impatiently on the ground.</p><p>It was a nervous habit of his: the need to be moving constantly. It kept him grounded when he wasn't able to stretch or pace the room.</p><p>He took a look around the room he was sitting in. Jim was in Pike's office in the Federation building. He had been there for most of the day, mostly reading and keeping himself entertained whenever Pike had to leave for meetings. </p><p>It had been a week since Jim had woken up in a nightmare-filled state. A week since Jim and Spock had made the decision to go to therapy together.</p><p>Spock had to return to his duties of assisting Sarek as ambassador, so rather than be left home alone with his own thoughts, Jim had accompanied Spock to the Federation building to spend the day with his adoptive father while he waited for Spock to finish his duties. It had been nice to see Pike, even if just for lunch or in between the Admiral's busy schedule. But Jim's day was about to go from mostly peaceful to incredibly stressful.</p><p>He and Spock had their first therapy appointment this evening.</p><p>Jim wasn't sure what to expect. He had been in and out of therapy for several years following Pike adopting him, all geared towards helping him recover from his trauma and attempt to move forward with a mostly normal life. Learning to open up on his own was one thing; learning to open up with Spock sitting beside him was another.</p><p>Jim had grown much more comfortable with Spock over the last week. They had spent day and night together, playing chess, watching movies, reading beside one another. They talked about everything from books to their favorite foods. They slept in the same bed every night, cuddled up with one another. But there had been no sexual contact between them. Spock had made it clear that he would not attempt to take Jim under until they had talked to their therapist, and he determined that sexual contact was too risky, as it could send Jim into subspace easily if they weren't careful. Jim hadn't protested, but every time he caught sight of Spock fresh out of the shower or right in the morning when his neatly combed hair was slightly messy, he found himself having to hold in groans.</p><p>Jim had become comfortable with Spock, had not only adjusted to living alone with the Vulcan but had actually come to enjoy it. Still, he knew that this comfortability came from Spock's lack of domination towards him. Jim knew that the nightmares had only been kept at bay by Spock's refusal to bring him down into subspace. What would happen when they tried again? Would therapy even fix this whole thing?</p><p>"I can practically hear you thinking from the hallway."</p><p>Jim's overthinking was interrupted by the sound of Pike's voice, and his office door shutting behind him. Jim turned from where he was sat in the lounge chair across from Pike's desk to see his father walking into the room, PADD tucked under his arm. He went and sat down at his desk, leaning back into his own chair and watching Jim with a hint of amusement.</p><p>"What're you thinking so intensely about?" He asked when Jim didn't respond to his previous quip.</p><p>"What I'm gonna have for dinner," Jim replied. "Torn between spaghetti or tacos."</p><p>Pike snorted. "Tacos are the obvious choice. And I know it's something more pressing on your mind."</p><p>"It's nothing," Jim lied, leaning back in his chair and stretching his limbs. </p><p>"Come on now, Jim," Pike pressed. "I've raised you since you were eight. I've learned to call your bluff pretty well."</p><p>Okay. Point taken.</p><p>Jim sighed. "Just thinking about therapy."</p><p>"Ah. Your session with Spock is this evening, right?" Jim nodded, and Pike continued, "There's nothing to be nervous about, Jim. This isn't supposed to be scary. It's supposed to help you. Both of you."</p><p>"I know that," Jim said quietly. "But what if it doesn't? What if this is all I get? Am I just gonna be some sub who hates being a sub all his life and never gets over it?"</p><p>Pike was quiet for a moment, and Jim could see a look of sadness pass over his face before being replaced by the Admiral's usual bravado. It was a real mystery who Jim got his fake confident demeanor from.</p><p>"This isn't all you get," Pike sighed. "You're a strong kid, Jim. Strongest I've ever known. You got dealt a bad hand, but that's not the hand you have forever. You're gonna find fulfilment in this. This is going to help you."</p><p>Jim was incredibly grateful for Pike, who had not only rescued him from Tarsus but who had raised him like his own and accompanied him every step of his journey. Jim was a difficult kid- well, <i>was</i> maybe isn't the right word- but Pike was never deterred. He was with Jim through everything, not just helping him become a good man, but staying up late at night watching Jim's favorite old movies or playing tennis with Jim in their backyard.</p><p>Trying not to get too emotional already, Jim just cracked a grin and said, "Thanks. Though I wish you'd learn to give advice without so many metaphors."</p><p>"Metaphors are a father's specialty," Pike responded with a grin of his own. </p><p>Jim's laugh is cut off by the sound of a knock to the door. It must be Spock.</p><p>"Come in," Pike called from his desk.</p><p>The door opened slowly, and sure enough it was Spock, clad in his Federation uniform; a nice grey jacket with the matching dress pants. Spock stepped into the room slowly and politely bowed at Pike. "Admiral," He greeted. Something more gentle passed onto his face as he looked at Jim. Jim blushed slightly under the look.</p><p>"Spock, good to see you," Pike responded with a smile. "And please, no need for the official title. You can call me Pike or Chris. We're family now, aren't we?"</p><p>"Yes... Pike," Spock said tightly, and Jim couldn't help smiling a bit at that. Spock was such a stickler for the rules that he even felt awkward not addressing someone who was basically his father-in-law by his official title.</p><p>"We should be leaving, Jim," Spock continued. "I believe we must arrive earlier to our first appointment to fill out paperwork and such."</p><p>Jim gulped slightly, but nodded. He grabbed the backpack he had slung over the back of Pike's office chair- all that was in it were his communicator and a water bottle, but he liked to feel important- and turned to bid his father goodbye. Pike had already moved around the desk and opened his arms for a hug. Jim went into them easily, allowing the Admiral to wrap his arms around Jim's back and hug him tightly to his chest. They hugged probably longer than needed, but Jim had missed the man and needed the extra support before the anxiety fest awaiting him. </p><p>They pulled away from one another. and Jim went to join Spock by the door. "See ya later."</p><p>Pike smiled at him, and Jim could swear his eyes were a little shiny. "Good luck, son."</p><p>Jim nodded awkwardly, then ducked his head and walked out the door before he would have to deal with any more emotions. Jim waited in the hallway as he heard Spock and pike bidding each other farewell. Spock appeared a moment later, shutting the door quietly behind him. He offered Jim that almost smile he did so often. "Are you ready, ashayam?"</p><p>Jim certainly wasn't.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Jim hated waiting rooms.</p><p>He had spent a lot of time in them when he had first returned to Earth after Pike found him. Waiting rooms of hospital clinics waiting for physical exams, waiting rooms of therapists like this one. It was always uncomfortable sitting in a chair and having strangers walk by you, looking at you like they knew what was wrong with you. </p><p>Spock seemed unbothered. Then again, he always seemed unbothered. He was using one of the PADDs they had been given to complete their paperwork. Jim imagined Spock's answers were much more normal than his. He glanced down at the PADD in his own lap and sighed as he went to finish the last of the questions.</p><p><i> Do you struggle to perform day-to-day activities, such as showering or brushing your teeth? </i> <b>Yes.</b></p><p><i> Do you find yourself anxious often? </i> <b>Yes.</b></p><p><i> Do you struggle to form meaningful connections with others?</i> <b>Yes.</b></p><p><i> How many hours of sleep per night do you get?</i> <b>3-4</b></p><p><i> How many meals per day do you eat?</i> <b>1</b></p><p><i> What is your dom/sub classification? </i> <b> Submissive.</b></p><p>
  <b><i> Are you currently bonded?</i> <b> Yes.</b></b>
</p><p>
  <b><i> Are you here with your bondmate today?</i> <b>Yes.</b>
</b></p><p>
  <b></b>
</p><p>
  <b></b>
</p><p>
  Jim finished the last of the questions and hit the 'submit' button. He turned to take a peak at Spock's own screen and saw the same 'successfully submitted, please return to nurse' screen. Spock caught his eye and held out a hand for Jim's PADD. Jim handed it over and waited as Spock gave them to the nurse at the front desk then returned to sit beside Jim. A gentle, pale hand was placed on Jim's knee.
</p><p>
  "Are you well, ashayam?"
</p><p>
  "You call me that a lot," Jim said in lieu of answering the question. "What does it mean?"
</p><p>
  Spock's lips twitched. "It is a common Vulcan term of endearment. It translates in English to 'beloved.'"
</p><p>
  Jim blushed a little. <i>Beloved</i>. He liked being called that, especially by Spock. Before Jim could respond, the door to one of the offices opened and an attractive, blue-skinned woman stepped out into the lobby. She had a set of antennae sticking up from her shiny, white hair. An Andorian, Jim realized. He hadn't met one in person before, but he had read of the planet and seen many Andorian actors in those movies he liked to watch. This particular Andorian was dressed in a white lab coat. Her eyes landed on Jim, and she smiled.
</p><p>
  "Ambassador Spock and James Kirk?" 
</p><p>
  "Jim Kirk," Spock corrected politely. He stood, angling his neck slightly towards the woman. She did the same, and Jim rose to his own feet, trying to determine if this therapist was a dominant. She didn't exactly appear very dominant looking, but there was no collar around her neck, and she had engaged in Spock's silent share of dominance. Maybe she was a switch.
</p><p>
  "Jim Kirk," The Andorian agreed. "It is a pleasure to meet you both. I am Thirishar, but I would prefer you call me Shar. I will be working with you today. Would you care to join me in my office?" Shar opened the door wider, gesturing for the two to enter.
</p><p>
  Spock glanced sideways at Jim, and Jim nodded his approval. Spock entered first, with Jim slightly behind him. Inside the office was a large desk, a chair and floorpad in front of it, and a spare chair pushed into the corner of the room. Jim glanced nervously at the floorpad, but before he could really react to it, Spock had already grabbed the extra chair from the corner and pushed it out for Jim. Jim smiled gratefully at him.
</p><p>Shar's eyes seemed to be on Jim, but her face was mostly blank; just a polite smile written on it. She crossed the room to sit at her desk. She pulled out a PADD of her own and began scrolling through it. Jim began tapping his foot on the floor. He saw Spock watch the movement out of the corner of his eye, but the Vulcan said nothing.</p><p>Shar locked the screen of her PADD and set it down on the desk. She crossed her hands slightly and leaned forward to talk to them. "Would you both like to talk a little about why you're here today?"</p><p>Jim bit his lip, glancing at Spock. Spock met his eyes, and there seemed to be some unspoken communication between them. Spock spoke. "We would like to seek help in finding comfortability within our bond."</p><p>Shar hummed. She ran a couple fingers down her chin. Even though Spock was the one speaking, she kept her eyes on Jim. He dropped his gaze to his lap, uncomfortable. "Would you say you're here for the same reasons, Jim?" </p><p>Jim nodded without looking up. He could feel eyes on him from either direction; Shar was studying him from across her desk and Spock was glancing at him out of the corner of his eye. Jim sort of wanted to melt into a puddle in the chair he was sitting in.</p><p>"What would you say you find uncomfortable now?" Shar asked softly.</p><p>"I do not know that he would like to, but I believe Jim would be best equipped to answer," Spock replied.</p><p>Jim shot his head up a little too quickly, turning to glare at Spock like a child. Way to throw him under the bus. Spock just looked at him expectantly, and Jim sighed, turning back to Shar. "Um, it's kind of a long story." </p><p>Shar smiled warmly at him. "We have the time."</p><p>Jim bit his lip again, this time a little harder. He turned to Spock, who was just looking at him fondly. Spock tilted his head slightly, a silent <i>it's okay, go on</i>. </p><p>And so Jim did. He went on a slight ramble, going on about the crash and Tarsus and Kodos and the starving and the beating and Pike and the nightmares that followed. He hadn't spoken in depth about these things in a while, and the details he let out were things that he had kept even from Spock. When Jim finished, he leaned forward a bit, out of breath. Shar watched him intently for a moment, before she rose and walked to the other side of the room. Jim's eyes didn't follower her; he looked at Spock, whose jaw was set and shoulders tense. Jim recalled Spock's previous threats to his abusers and wondered if those were the thoughts running through his brain. </p><p>Shar returned with a glass of water, which she handed to Jim. He nodded gratefully to her and took a long sip as she returned to her seat. There was quiet in the room for a while as the only sound was Jim sipping on water and catching his breath. Finally, Shar spoke.</p><p>"It was very brave of you to tell us these things, Jim," She said gently. "You have been through a lot. It's easy to understand why you would be uncomfortable with the dominant-submissive dynamic. Am I correct in saying that you resist Spock's dominance because you fear he will take advantage of you in the way the violent dominants of your past have?"</p><p>Jim hesitated, but he nodded. </p><p>Shar looked at Spock then. "How does this make you feel, Spock?"</p><p>Spock was quiet for a moment, and Jim wasn't sure if he was thinking or just hesitating to express himself. When Spock did respond, it was slow and deliberate, as though he were planning each word carefully. "It is deeply upsetting to hear of Jim having such experiences. Since I have been bonded to him, I have begun to care for him deeply. I wish for him to be happy and safe, but I also wish to fulfill our natural biological needs. I would like to find a way to benefit Jim with my dominance without triggering these emotions."</p><p>Shar hummed, nodding as Spock expressed his feelings. Jim fidgeted a little in his seat. Hearing Spock's declaration had made him a little uncomfortable; both because he was realizing that he was beginning to feel the same care for Spock, and because of how guilty he felt that all Spock wanted to do was take care of him, and he couldn't even allow that.</p><p>"It's clear that you both want this to work," Shar spoke thoughtfully. "It's just a matter of finding a balance in what makes this relationship meaningful for both of you." She picked up her PADD again, scrolling for a moment before turning back to them. "Where would you like to see this relationship going?" She was looking at Jim, and he took that as an indicator he was the one meant to answer.</p><p>"Um..." Jim looked over at Spock, who was watching him with that same gentle expression Spock always seemed to hold when looking at him. Where did Jim see this relationship going? He had never really dated anyone before, just some casual flirting with other Federation kids his age at parties, but never anything serious. Certainly never anything on the level that he and Spock were supposed to be. Jim wanted Spock; he knew that much. Spock was handsome and smart and kind and occasionally very funny (though often without meaning to be). Jim wanted to be with Spock as a partner, but did he as a submissive?</p><p>He could deny it, but deep down Jim knew the truth. Before the nightmares had come, being in subspace had felt <i>freeing</i>. Having Spock take care of him and direct him and allow Jim to just float had been so nice, so relaxing. Jim had felt almost blissful. Had Spock felt the same? Had Spock been grateful to have Jim soft and pliant like that? Jim hated himself for how badly he wanted to please the Vulcan; how badly he wanted Spock to want Jim just as he wanted him.</p><p>"Jim?"</p><p>Jim felt Spock's hand come to rest gently on his thigh. He looked over at his partner, whose dark eyes had taken on a concerned look. Jim realized he had spaced out in his own thoughts again and hadn't ever answered the question. He could feel Shar's eyes on him as well, but he couldn't tear his gaze away from Spock's. </p><p>"Jim, are you okay?" Spock asked him quietly.</p><p>Jim shook himself slightly, pulling his mind out of whatever haze he had just fallen into. "Y-yeah, I'm fine. Sorry. Was just spacing out." Spock's hand squeezed his thigh lightly, helping to ground him. Jim cleared his throat and turned back to Shar. "I just... I know that I want to be with Spock. And I do want to be his sub, I just... I get too vulnerable. I can't kneel or wear the collar because that's giving someone else too much control. But I think there's something wrong with me, because I want to do those things. I just can't."</p><p>Shar considered him for a moment, humming again to herself. "There's nothing wrong with you, Jim. These are perfectly normal feelings amongst subs who have experienced trauma."</p><p>Jim raised an eyebrow. "Really?"</p><p>Shar nodded. "It is in your natural biology to crave submission- specifically towards the dominant you are bonded with- but given your past, it is a struggle for you to participate in these things. You are scared that Spock will take advantage of you in the ways dominants of your past did."</p><p>Jim swallowed, but nodded. Guess he was more transparent than he realized.</p><p>"Our goal will be to get you to be comfortable with your own needs." She turned to look at Spock. "And our goal for you, Spock, is to help Jim with his needs. To ease him into submission and gain his trust. Does this sound good to both of you?"</p><p>They both nodded, and Spock gave Jim's thigh another squeeze.</p><p>Shar smiled at them as a couple. "Wonderful. There are some activities I would like you to try before our next session." She grabbed her PADD again, jotting some notes onto the screen with her finger. "I would like you to try one of the most traditional and effective forms of submission. Feeding. In the ideal situation, Jim, you would kneel by Spock as he fed you. It may sound odd or overly simple, but it helps to establish comfort between the dominant and submissive. Since going into subspace before Jim sleeps results in nightmares, it would be wise for you to try this activity during the day, or to ensure you bring Jim out of subspace before he sleeps."</p><p>"How would you recommend me doing so, doctor?" Spock asked quietly.</p><p>"Baths are usually effective," Shar replied. "Really any activity that would help bring Jim back to his own senses." She looked at Jim again. "This next one might be difficult for you, and you don't have to try it if you don't want to. But I would recommend you try wearing your collar for short periods of time. Even if just for ten minutes, just to grow comfortable with the feeling of being collared. Do you think you could do this?"</p><p>Jim chewed on his bottom lip. Could he? The collars he had worn on Tarsus were old and steel. They had irritated his skin and felt heavy on his neck. The collar Spock had shown him a week ago was mush softer, much prettier. It would probably feel nice resting around his throat. And that emblem of Spock's name, marking Jim as his. Did he want that? To be owned?</p><p>Jim realized he had gone quiet again, and forced a nod. "I could try."</p><p>Shar smiled warmly. "I'm glad to hear that." She closed her PADD once more and stood. "I think we're done for the day, unless you have anymore questions?" Spock and Jim shook their heads in unison. "Very well. Let's schedule our next appointment for... two weeks? Send a transmission anytime if you find yourselves in need. I'll show you out."</p><p>Jim and Spock stood together.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>All things considered, that had gone well.</p><p>Spock hadn't been sure what to expect with their therapy session. Jim could get so easily overwhelmed, Spock was worried he would lash out at him or the therapist. But no, Jim had mostly kept a calm demeanor. He had gotten a little quiet, a little anxious. But overall, Spock was very proud of him. He would tell Jim that if he thought the younger man would be comfortable with it.</p><p>It was too late in the evening to partake in the activities Shar had suggested. Spock had prepared a quick dinner for them when they had returned home, and he now lounged in his and Jim's bed with his PADD propped in his lap as he reviewed a research paper for his thesis. Jim was in the bathroom, preparing for bed. Even as Spock read, he couldn't help listening for the sounds of Jim in the other room. According to Spock's strong ears, Jim had just stepped out of the shower. Spock could hear him moving around quietly, likely drying himself off and getting dressed into his sleeping clothes. Spock found himself so comforted by the mere feeling of Jim's presence.</p><p>There had been something that Spock had been keeping from Jim.</p><p>His telepathic abilities.</p><p>Spock's Vulcan biology allowed him to form a mind meld with another individual if he so chose. This would allow them to communicate nonverbally, to feel the presence of one another in their minds. Spock had only ever done so with his father. it could be dangerous to perform a mind meld with a being weaker than you- a human, for example- as the meld could be quite physically and emotionally exhausting. This was part of why Spock had kept such an ability secret from Jim; he had no interest in risking Jim's wellbeing.</p><p>The other reason for keeping such a secret was that Spock hadn't wanted to put Jim off. Jim was already so closed off, already so unwilling to share himself. He probably wouldn't be able to stand to be around Spock if he felt like his mind was constantly being invaded. Spock would never do such a thing without Jim's explicit permission, but Jim probably wouldn't understand that.</p><p>Spock had come to the conclusion after their therapy session that the mind meld may be beneficial as they move forward with things. If Jim could know Spock's true intentions, if Spock could understand what Jim was feeling, if Spock could be a comforting presence in the back of Jim's mind... Yes, it would be a logical idea.</p><p>At that moment, Jim emerged from the bathroom. He was shirtless, wearing a pair of blue plaid pajama pants. His blond hair was still damp from the shower, and he met Spock's eyes with a small smile. "Hi." </p><p>Spock couldn't help the way his own expression brightened at the sight of his mate, so beautiful and sweet. "Hello. How was your shower?"</p><p>"Was good," Jim replied with a yawn. "Kinda tired now, though. Long day."</p><p>Spock hummed his understanding. "Would you like to lay with me?"</p><p>Jim nodded, walking around the side of the bed. He climbed onto it, scooting closer so he and Spock were laying side by side. Spock locked his PADD and set it on the nightstand as Jim leaned over to rest his head on Spock's shoulder. Spock inhaled the comforting scent of his mate, grateful for the warmth of Jim's presence by his side.</p><p>"How was work?" Jim asked quietly.</p><p>"It was well," Spock replied. "Sarek believes we should build a Vulcan cultural center here on Earth. He sees it as a piece of history, and as a way to bring comfort to Vulcans residing on Earth."</p><p>"Do you agree?"</p><p>Spock nodded. "Yes, my father is usually correct about such things."</p><p>"Do you like what you do? For the Federation?" Jim asked. He snuggled a little further into Spock's neck, and Spock moved his arm so he could wrap it around Jim's shoulders.</p><p>"I do," Spock answered honestly. "Being Ambassador to Vulcan allows me to be in touch with both sides of my biology. It is a rewarding position."</p><p>Jim just hummed in response, so Spock asked, "Did you enjoy your time with your father today?"</p><p>"It was nice," Jim replied softly. "I missed him."</p><p>"He is welcome in our home anytime," Spock said, and Jim just nodded against him.</p><p>They remained quiet, pressed against one another and listening to the sounds of their own breathing and heartbeats. Spock wondered what Jim was thinking, and it occurred to him that he should probably bring up the point now.</p><p>"Jim, there is something I must show you."</p><p>Jim raised his head up at that, pulling himself into a sitting position and turning to look at Spock with a raised brow. "What is it?"</p><p>"Are you familiar with Vulcan telepathy?" Spock asked.</p><p>Jim frowned instantly, body tensing. "What? Like you can read my mind?"</p><p>"Calm down," Spock said gently, and was surprised when Jim relaxed some. "Not exactly. We as Vulcans have the ability to meld our minds with others. To share thoughts. It is a process, however, and not simply something I can start doing of my own will."</p><p>Jim seemed to think about that for a moment. "Why are you telling me this?"</p><p>"I think it may be beneficial to us," Spock said. "It is easier to understand one's feelings when you can hear them directly. I can better understand your needs if I can hear your thoughts."</p><p>Jim looked at Spock with clear anxiety on his face. He nibbled on his lip; this appeared to be a habit of his. Spock was ashamed at the way heat pooled in his stomach every time he did that.</p><p>Spock reached a delicate hand out to touch Jim's face. Jim flinched, pulling back slightly. Spock sighed and lowered his hand. "T'nash-veh ashaya. Tell me how you feel."</p><p>Jim sighed. "You can't use this to like mind control me or something, can you?"</p><p>Spock couldn't resist the quiet chuckle that slipped out of his mouth at that. Jim frowned, but Spock just leaned forward, pecking Jim quickly on the nose before he could pull away. "No, I cannot. The mind meld does not mean I control your thoughts; it simply means I can see them. And only those you choose to show me. I cannot force information out of you this way."</p><p>Jim nodded, considering. "You promise?"</p><p>"I would never lie to you," Spock said seriously. "It is not the Vulcan way."</p><p>Jim took a deep breath then nodded again. "O-okay. How do we um... What's it called again? Mind meld?"</p><p>"Yes, the mind meld," Spock answered. "If you will allow me to touch your head, I can begin."</p><p>Jim took another deep breath and leaned forward slightly. "Okay. Do it."</p><p>Spock allowed his hand to gently fall to Jim's forehead. He pressed lightly. He lowered the wall separating his own mind from Jim's, and heard the faint gasp fall from Jim's lips as Spock's own thoughts poured into his. Spock kept things slow. He wanted to show Jim parts of his life, but didn't want the young man to be overwhelmed. Instead, he simply projected his own feelings. His genuine love and adoration for Jim, his desire to protect him. Jim shuddered underneath his hand at it.</p><p>In Jim's mind, Spock said, <i>You see. I am here for you. I will never harm you.</i></p><p>Jim trembled. "How do I.. How do I do it back?"</p><p>
  <i> Just project. Just let the wall down.</i>
</p><p>Spock could feel the moment Jim did; his own emotions pouring into the mix slightly, the barrier between their consciousnesses falling.</p><p>
  <i>Spock?</i>
</p><p>
  <i> Yes. It is me. </i>
</p><p>
  <i> How are we...?</i>
</p><p>
  <i> The mind meld. We can communicate this way. </i>
</p><p><i> Whoa. This is crazy. Can you read my mind?</i> </p><p>
  <i> I can hear what you allow me to. </i>
</p><p>
  <i> What color am I thinking of? </i>
</p><p>
  <i> You are not showing me. </i>
</p><p>
  <i> Oh. Right. It's red.</i>
</p><p>Spock didn't realize his eyes had shut until he was opening them to look at Jim. Jim was staring at him in wonder, pale blue eyes wide.</p><p>"Spock?" He said aloud.</p><p>"Yes, Jim?"</p><p>"You can still hear me this way?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Oh. Cool. Can we, um, stop the mind meld now? My head hurts."</p><p>"Of course," Spock removed his hand from Jim's head and gently closed the door between their minds. Jim flinched slightly at the rebound of it. 'You should lie down," Spock murmured. "The mind meld can be quite tiring on the mind the first time it occurs."</p><p>"Yeah," Jim grunted. "I can see that." He lay back down, burrowing his back into the pillows. Spock gently caressed him as he always did when they lay like this, admiring his handsome mate as he collected himself.</p><p>"Are you feeling well?" Spock asked quietly.</p><p>" 'M fine," Jim replied, yawning. "That was weird."</p><p>"You can imagine why I did not inform you of such an ability previously," Spock said.</p><p>Jim hummed in agreement. "Smart choice."</p><p>"It is my specialty," Spock murmured. Jim smiled.</p><p>"Shall we sleep?" Spock asked, watching as Jim's eyes began to flutter shut slightly.</p><p>"Too early to sleep," Jim's third yawn of the night gave him away. Spock looked at him fondly; what a strange human he could be.</p><p>"You have had a tiring day," Spock said. "We have work to do tomorrow, as suggested to us by our therapist."</p><p>"Oh, right." Jim stretched his limbs out, nearly hitting Spock in the face but Spock relished in the contact nonetheless. "You're supposed to feed me, aren't you?"</p><p>Spock nodded.</p><p>"What are you gonna feed me?" Jim asked curiously.</p><p>Spock hummed in consideration. "I have not yet decided. I will think on it. Something simple and designed to be eaten by hand, perhaps." </p><p>"Fruit," Jim suggested.</p><p>"Yes, fruit would be good," Spock agreed. "Good idea, Jim. Smart boy." </p><p>Jim wriggled slightly at the praise and Spock stilled him by wrapping an arm around his chest. "Do not get too excited, slor sa-kan. You know we have been instructed to not take you under before sleeping."</p><p>Jim whined at that, and Spock hushed him. "Jim."</p><p>"Sorry," Jim grumbled, but he quieted and stilled his own movements. He was quiet for a moment before asking, "Am I gonna wear the collar tomorrow?"</p><p>Spock frowned. Did he want to? Spock had assumed that would be the most difficult part of their work. He had been planning on coaxing Jim gently into it. Was he actually <i>eager</i> to do so?</p><p>"You would like to?" Spock asked, keeping his tone blank.</p><p>Jim remained quiet as he composed his thoughts. "Umm... Maybe?"</p><p>"You will wear it if you wish to," Spock decided. "I will not force you, regardless of Shar's instructions."</p><p>More silence from Jim, and then he asked a question so quietly even Spock's hearing couldn't make out the words clearly. "I am sorry, ashayam, you will have to speak louder."</p><p>Jim fidgeted slightly, exhaling a heavy breath, before asking in an almost childlike voice, "Could I try it on now?"</p><p>Oh? Spock kept his face blank and body still, the perfect image of Vulcan suppression. However, his brain was racing with anticipation at Jim, <i> his</i> mate in <i>his</i> collar. It felt sudden coming from Jim, but then again, he had grown considerably more comfortable with Spock. Maybe the mind meld had helped; had shown Jim that Spock only wished to love him, not to cause harm.</p><p>"Are you sure, Jim?" Spock asked softly. When Jim just nodded against him, Spock moved the younger man slightly, placing a hand on the side of Jim's face so he could direct his submissive's eyes to his own. "Ask me again, please."</p><p>Jim swallowed, running a tongue over his bottom lip. "Could I try on the collar now? Just for a minute?" When Spock didn't respond and simply continued to study him, Jim forced out a "Please?"</p><p>Spock was weak to that. He was weak to Jim in general, really. He nodded. "Wait here." Spock got out of bed then knelt on the floor. He reached under the bed, pulling out the small box that held Jim's collar. He couldn't resist the slight chill running up his sign as he removed the collar carefully from the box and returned to the bed. Jim was looking at it a little wide-eyed, like this was his first time seeing it.</p><p>"You are sure you are comfortable with this?" Spock asked. Jim nodded. "It will be just for a moment, and then I will remove it to prevent you from entering subspace. Tell me you understand."</p><p>"I understand," Jim replied obediently. </p><p>Spock nodded, more to himself than to Jim. He unfastened the collar, watching as Jim crawled eagerly closer on the bed, holding his neck out slightly. Spock brought the collar to Jim's neck, fastening it loosely. Jim shivered at the feeling, beginning to breathe heavier.</p><p>Spock was in awe. Jim was naturally beautiful, but seeing him with this collar- Spock's collar- was otherworldly. The maroon color was beautiful against Jim's tan skin. The collar hadn't been fastened all the way- just loose enough for Jim to get a feel of it- but it still wrapped so perfectly around Jim's throat, like it was meant to be there. And Jim was looking at Spock with so much trust in his eyes, Spock's heart felt overcome with emotion.</p><p>Spock looked into Jim's beautiful blue eyes, noting the slight haze threatening to enter. He shook his head quickly, unfastening the collar and removing it from Jim's neck before the sub could even manage a whine of protest. Spock moved away from Jim, re-boxing the collar and sliding it back under the bed. He studied his mate, noting that while Jim looked a little light-headed, he definitely wasn't in subspace.</p><p>"That is enough for today," Spock said, and he must've spoken it firmly enough for Jim to not argue it. Jim nodded, sliding off the bed so Spock could pull the comforter out for them. They both slid under it together, and Spock immediately pulled Jim into his chest, kissing the top of his head. </p><p>"You are not under?" Spock asked, just to be sure.</p><p>"No," Jim's voice was even when he answered and Spock felt reassured. "Almost went, but you snapped me out of it."</p><p>Spock hummed. "Good. We will discuss your thoughts on the collar in the morning, but I do not wish to risk it tonight. Let us sleep now so we may be well-rested for our day tomorrow."</p><p>Jim nodded, snuggling close into Spock. "Goodnight, Spock."</p><p>"Goodnight, Jim."</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Jim could feel hands on him again. </p><p>Whose hands, he wasn't sure. They were rough and demanding. Kodos', he assumed. He couldn't see. He couldn't tell if he was having a dream or not as he was surrounded only by black. He started to fight against the grip, but was suddenly overcome by a feeling of calm. </p><p>
  <i> Jim. </i>
</p><p>Who was that? </p><p>
  <i> Jim, ha'su, settle. It is me </i>
</p><p>
  <i> Spock? </i>
</p><p>
  <i> Yes. I am here. Here with you. You are safe. You are in my arms, and no harm will come to you. </i>
</p><p><i> Safe </i>, Jim's mind echoed. </p><p>Yes, he remembered then, even through the haze of sleepiness. He was with Spock. He was safe. Nightmares would not plague him. Spock would protect his mind.</p><p>
  <i> Rest, Jim. I will always be here. </i>
</p><p>Jim couldn't argue that, reassurance and love from Spock flooding his mind, and the feeling of strong arms around him keeping him grounded. Jim began to drift again, hearing no more words from Spock, but the faint presence of his dominant in the back of his mind.</p><p>As Jim drifted properly back to sleep, he heard Spock's voice softly whisper one last thing in his mind...</p><p>
  <i> T'hy'la. </i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading!</p><p>Sorry there is no smut two chapters in a row, but there will be plenty to make up for it in the final two chapters. </p><p>Also, I know it doesn't make canon timeline sense for Shar to be in this, but this is not canon timeline so who cares! I just wanted an Andorian and she is a good therapist, is she not?</p><p>The next two chapters will be much more exciting, I promise.</p><p>Vulcan Translations:</p><p><i> ashayam</i> = beloved<br/><i> t'nash-veh ashaya</i> = my love<br/><i> slor sa-kan </i> = sweet boy<br/><i> ha'su</i> = angel</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jim and Spock try out their first scenes together.</p><p>It will take time and patience, but luckily, Spock has plenty.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm really sorry that this is being posted a couple days later than I wanted, but my schedule got a little hectic. I did try to make this a longer chapter so hopefully that makes up for the wait!</p><p>Thank you again for your support on this work. We are nearing the end of this particular story, but I definitely plan on making individual fics in this timeline as a series. </p><p>Warnings for this chapter are the usual dealing with trauma and past abuse. And of course, there is sexual content and a decent bit of smut in here.</p><p>Vulcan translations at the end as always.</p><p>Hope you enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jim awoke peacefully.</p><p>He couldn't remember the last time he had done that. Usually, Jim was either shaken awake by Bones or he was waking with a start, breathing heavily and drenched in sweat from whatever flashback-induced nightmare he had had the night before. But not today.</p><p>Today, Jim woke slowly and calmly, eyes fluttering open to take in the early morning light shining in through the half-open blinds. He felt warmth around him and realized he was snuggled against Spock's chest with the Vulcan's strong arms wrapped around him. Jim felt a slight warmth not just in his body but in the back of his mind as well. The memories of last night came forward to him, and it suddenly made sense why he hadn't experienced any nightmares and had slept like a baby.</p><p>The mind meld.</p><p>Spock wasn't exactly in Jim's mind, but Jim could feel the slightly distant feeling of Spock's own thoughts resting around his. Jim blinked his eyes fully open, sitting up a little in Spock's arms to get a good look at his partner. Spock's hold on him loosened so Jim could look up at his face. Spock was wide awake- appeared to be so for some time- and was watching Jim with a soft look on his face.</p><p>"Hi," Jim murmured.</p><p>"Good morning, ashaya," Spock replied, and Jim could distantly hear the meaning of the term somewhere in his thoughts: <i> love </i>.</p><p>Jim smiled and blushed at that, feeling a bit like a child having their first crush. "How long have you been up?" He asked, laying his head back down against Spock's chest.</p><p>Spock placed a gentle kiss to his temple. "A few hours now."</p><p>Jim glanced at the digital clock on their bedside table. It was 8am now, so Spock must've woken up pretty early. "You didn't want to go back to sleep?" Jim asked him.</p><p>"There was no need," Spock told him. "I was no longer tired. Vulcans need much less sleep than humans. I could go a few days without sleeping properly, actually, but I rather enjoy sleeping beside you."</p><p>"Ah," Jim said, sure that he was blushing further. "Makes sense." </p><p>They were quiet for a while, laying there in the early morning light and cuddled up with one another. Jim was pretty sure Bones had said something at some point about Vulcans having much higher body temperatures than humans, and he was sure that was true. Spock's body so close to his radiated warmth onto Jim's skin, allowing him to feel so comfortable that he never thought he'd leave the bed. He could feel the light presence of Spock's mind against his still, and he wondered if he always would. If they were always going to be linked like that.</p><p>
  <i> Spock? </i>
</p><p>
  <i> Yes, Jim? </i>
</p><p>"Nothing," Jim said aloud. "I was just checking if you could still hear me in here." He tapped two fingers against his forehead.</p><p>Spock chuckled softly. "I can still hear you as long as you will allow me to."</p><p>"Is this permanent?" Jim asked.</p><p>"Not exactly," Spock murmured. "The mind meld can be severed just as simply as it was created. There is a more permanent connection, but..." Spock trailed off, and before Jim could ask what he meant, Spock was speaking again. "My father was kind today as he has relinquished me of any responsibilities, so we may begin our exercises."</p><p>Oh. Right. </p><p>Hearing Spock say that brought back a memory from last night that Jim had almost forgotten in his morning haze. He had worn Spock's collar. Just for a moment, but it had made Jim feel something he couldn't even quite describe. Wearing the uncomfortable steel collar of Kodos had been torturous, but wearing the soft, loose-fitting collar of Spock had been almost comforting. Spock had removed it from his neck promptly when it appeared Jim was going to sink into subspace. Jim was slightly embarrassed now at how easily he had almost gone under just from wearing his dom's collar for a couple minutes. </p><p>"Jim?"</p><p>If Jim had a dollar for every time Spock had to say his name and pull him out of his thoughts...</p><p>"Sorry," Jim said quickly, sitting up again so he could look at Spock. Spock was still looking at him with that soft, fond expression, but there was slight concern in his dark eyes. "Was just dazing."</p><p>Spock hummed, reaching out to caress Jim's face gently. "We do not have to begin today if you are not ready."</p><p>Jim shook his head. "No, I'm ready." When Spock didn't look convinced, he insisted, "I promise, Spock. I want to try it."</p><p>Spock studied him for a moment, expression unreadable and nothing pooling through the mental connection, but finally he nodded. "I would like to get myself dressed first. Would you be comfortable with undressing before we begin? I believe it will make going down easier."</p><p>Jim tensed slightly. He had been naked in front of Spock multiple times at this point, but somehow this felt scarier, more intimate. But Jim trusted Spock. He had to.</p><p>"Yeah, that's fine," Jim said, hoping his voice didn't sound too shaky.</p><p>"Very well," Spock replied. He carefully moved Jim slightly out of his way so he could slide his legs off the side of the bed and plant his feet on the floor. Jim remained in bed while Spock got up and grabbed a pair of loose black pants out of the closet then went into the bathroom to change and ready himself. When he emerged, he looked at Jim.</p><p>"I am going to go downstairs and gather some food and water for you," Spock said. "While I am doing so, you may undress yourself and do whatever you feel the need to in order to prepare yourself for our scene. Would you prefer we carry it out downstairs or in the bedroom?"</p><p>Jim paused, considering. "In here, please."</p><p>"Very good, Jim," Spock murmured, and Jim ducked his head shyly at the praise. Spock left the room, and Jim practically leapt out of bed once he heard Spock descending the stairs. He went into the bathroom, taking a good look at himself. </p><p>His hair was still a little messy from sleep, blond strands sticking out on the top of his head. He matted them down with some water and his hand, then splashed some water and some moisturizer on his face. He brushed his teeth, wanting to be as pristine as possible for Spock, even though their scene did mostly involve him eating. Jim examined himself a little further, running hands down his bare chest and frowning slightly. He had gotten more fit over the years, but he was still decently thin from his poorly developed eating habits, and he felt kind of insecure in the presence of someone as toned and muscular as Spock. Jim sighed. Nothing he could do about it now.</p><p>Jim went back into the bedroom, and shed his pajama pants and boxers before he could overthink it. He wasn't sure if Spock was expecting him to kneel or not, so he just climbed back onto the bed, sitting on the edge of it and taking deep breaths as he waited for Spock to return. He reached out slightly for Spock's mind, receiving a quick wave of reassurance and then nothing else. </p><p>A couple moments later, Spock appeared in the doorway, a bowl of sliced fruit in one hand and a glass of water in the other. His eyes raked over Jim's naked body with approval. "Thank you for getting undressed as I have asked, Jim," He said softly.</p><p>Jim blushed intensely, nodding awkwardly as Spock set the fruit and water down on the nightstand. Spock knelt beside the bed, bending down to pull out the box that Jim was growing familiar with. Spock didn't open it, though. He placed a gentle hand on Jim's knee, rubbing circles into it with his thumb. "Would you like to wear your collar, Jim? You do not have to if you are not ready."</p><p>Jim bit his lip, looking between Spock's warm brown eyes and the box in his partner's hand. He swallowed. "Could we try it?"</p><p>Spock's lips quirked upwards. "Of course, ashayam."</p><p>Spock removed his hand from Jim's knee so he could pull the lid off the box. Jim's breath caught in his throat at the sight of the collar even though he'd just worn it the night before. He watched as Spock's slender fingers unfastened it, holding it open and bringing it up to Jim's throat. Spock met Jim's eyes for a brief moment as if asking for permission, and Jim gave it to him in the form of a nod. Spock wrapped the collar gently around Jim's neck, fastening it slightly tighter, but not constricting Jim. Jim shivered slightly at both the feeling of the collar around his neck, and the way Spock was looking at him almost in awe.</p><p>"You're staring," Jim said quietly.</p><p>"I apologize," Spock chuckled slightly. "You are just such a stunning creature. I find it difficult to remove my eyes from you." Jim didn't think his face could get any redder, so he was grateful when Spock spoke again. "Would you like to begin?"</p><p>Jim nodded.</p><p>Spock nodded in return and approached the bed. He reached out, and Jim thought he was reaching for him, but his arm went behind Jim to grab one of the extra pillows on their bed. Spock moved over to the front of the bed, setting the pillow gently down on the floor. "A floorpad would be ideal, but as we do not have one, this will suffice," Spock said. "If you enjoy this exercise, perhaps we could purchase one soon. It was a bedazzled one you wished for, correct?"</p><p>Jim laughed at Spock's reference to the first letter he'd written what felt like forever ago. "I suppose a sparkly one would do."</p><p>Spock chuckled at him. "Your preference has been noted. Would you like to come kneel for me now?"</p><p>Jim hesitated. The last time he had knelt for anyone had been his last night with Kodos. There was no pillow, then. Only hard, dirty ground that scraped Jim's knees and felt cold against his skin. He had been forced into that position then. But Spock wasn't giving him an order. Spock was <i>asking</i> for Jim's submission, not forcing it. Jim did trust Spock. He cared for the Vulcan in a way he had never thought possible. Jim was wearing his collar after all. But did he trust Spock like this? Trust him to give himself up like that?</p><p>
  <i> Jim? </i>
</p><p>Spock had spoken in Jim's mind, not aloud. Jim flinched slightly at it, looking to where Spock was standing at the end of the bed still, watching Jim with his usual care.</p><p>"Sorry," Jim spoke. "I just..." Jim trailed off, unsure how to word his thoughts.</p><p>"There is nothing to be sorry for, ashaya," Spock said softly. "Are you uncomfortable? Would you like to stop?"</p><p>Jim shook his head. "No, no, I want to do this. I just haven't..." He gestured to the pillow on the floor, referencing kneeling and so much more all at once. "It's been a long time."</p><p>Spock hummed in understanding. "Ah. Your feelings are valid, Jim, but there is nothing to fear. I am here with you. I will never do anything to you without your explicit consent."</p><p>"You promise?" Jim asked, voice small.</p><p>"I promise," Spock answered.</p><p>They both remained where they were for a moment, staring into each other's eyes. Finally, Jim forced himself up onto shaky legs. He ignored the way his body trembled and his breath caught and walked over to where Spock was before he could think about it. Slowly, he lowered himself to his knees, feeling the soft cushion of the pillow beneath him.</p><p>Jim closed his eyes, taking several deep breaths and trying not to panic in this position. A gentle hand was placed atop his head, petting blond hair. <i> You are safe, </i> Spock said in Jim's mind. <i> You are safe here with me. You are such a good boy, Jim. I am here to care for you. </i></p><p>Jim shivered at the words. The hand in his hair disappeared and Jim whined at the loss of contact. Spock hushed him gently, assuring, "Relax. I am just going to get the food." Jim opened his eyes slowly, watching as Spock walked over to the nightstand to retrieve the bowl of fruit. He came back, stepping slightly around Jim to sit at the edge of the bed, so Jim was kneeling right in front of his legs.</p><p>"Before we begin, do you recall the color system we employed in the past?" Spock asked.</p><p>Jim nodded.</p><p>"Repeat it for me verbally, please."</p><p>"Green for keep going, yellow for do something else, red for stop?" When Jim spoke it sounded more like a question than an answer. He was still so unsure of himself in this position and he hadn't stopped breathing heavily since he'd sunk to his knees.</p><p>"Very good, Jim," Spock praised. Jim ducked his head shyly at the praise, cheeks reddening. "I am going to feed you some fruit here. What is your color?"</p><p>"Green," Jim said, willing his voice to sound as certain as possible.</p><p>Spock hummed in acknowledgement. He reached into the bowl, pulling out an orange slice. He moved his hand slowly and held the slice up to Jim's lips. Jim closed his eyes and forced himself to lean forward slightly, accepting the fruit. It tasted good, sweet. He finished it and looked to Spock expectantly.</p><p>"How does it taste?" Spock asked softly.</p><p>"Good," Jim responded, voice already sounding a little slurred. He was feeling a little lightheaded and he wasn't sure if it was from his position or his early descent into subspace.</p><p>"Would you like another?" Spock asked. Jim nodded, and Spock reached into the bowl again, this time pulling out a grape. He held it to Jim's lips and Jim once again accepted it willingly. They did this a few more times; Spock alternating between an orange slice, a grape, and an apple slice. Jim took each piece of fruit obediently, focusing only on the taste of it and the way Spock would softly caress his face and hair. He hadn't opened his eyes since they'd begun and he'd almost completely forgotten that he was on his knees. He was beginning to feel a little dizzy with something he couldn't quite describe. But he felt warm all over, a little fuzzy.</p><p>When Jim finished a bite of apple and another fruit was not brought to his lips, he opened his eyes with a slight frown. He saw Spock looking down at him fondly, holding an empty fruit bowl in his lap. "You are doing so well, t'nash-veh ashaya. What is your color?"</p><p>"G-green," Jim responded, voice slurred. Spock smiled down at him, carding a hand through his hair. Jim closed his eyes again and leaned into the touch. His head was feeling a little heavy, so he leaned forward until it was resting against Spock's knee. Spock hummed in approval.</p><p>"I am going to lean back to retrieve some water for you," Spock murmured. "It should not affect your position. Remain how you are." Jim obeyed. He remained resting against Spock's leg even as he felt Spock moving, leaning back onto the bed and extending his arm to grab the glass of water he'd left on the nightstand. When Spock had grabbed it, he ran his empty hand through Jim's hair again.</p><p>"Sit up, ashayam," He said. Jim grumbled slightly at having to move, but pulled himself up. He opened his eyes, looking to see Spock bringing the water to his mouth. "Drink," He commanded softly.</p><p>Jim obeyed, parting his lips to take a sip. He drank a little too quickly, a little too eagerly, and coughed slightly. "Easy," Spock murmured above him, and Jim slowed, finishing the glass carefully. When he was done, Spock moved again to place the empty bowl and glass back on the bedside table.</p><p>"How do you feel?" Spock asked. He was back to touching Jim again, running soothing hands through Jim's hair, down the side of his face, over where the collar rested on his neck. Jim was down, so down. He felt a little light-headed, like he was floating somewhere and all that mattered was Spock's hands on him, Spock's voice soft in his ears.</p><p>"Feels good," Jim slurred. And he did, he felt good, felt relaxed. He could feel the slight presence of comfort at the back of his mind being provided by Spock. The loving assurances Spock didn't need to say out loud.</p><p>"Did you get enough to eat? Are you still hungry?" Spock questioned, rubbing a thumb over Jim's cheekbone.</p><p>Jim just shook his head, hazy blue eyes meeting dark brown ones. Jim had been so focused on eating that he hadn't realized his legs were starting to get sore in this kneeling position. He shifted slightly, only to be mortified by the feeling of his hard cock against his thigh. When did that happen? Why was he even aroused? Spock had been feeding him, something entirely not sexual. Jim blushed and looked away from Spock's eyes, ashamed.</p><p>"What is wrong?" Spock asked, unable to stop the slight worry from entering his tone.</p><p>Jim just shook his head, attempting to pull away from Spock's contact altogether. Spock let his hands fall away from Jim's face, but he moved his legs slightly so he could bracket Jim and prevent him from leaving the position altogether.</p><p><i> Jim, </i> Spock was speaking in his mind again. <i> Jim, I am right here. In your mind and beside you. Speak your worries. </i></p><p>Jim couldn't deny that he felt comforted by Spock's presence in his mind. It was like constant reassurance.</p><p>Jim sighed. He was still feeling very, very dazed, but he shifted again to try and illustrate his point. "I can't... I'm..."</p><p>Spock glanced down in understanding, seeing Jim's cock sticking up slightly, nearly fully hard. "Is this the problem?" Jim squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. "There is nothing to be ashamed of, Jim. It is a perfectly normal response to entering subspace."</p><p>"It is?" Jim asked, voice barely above a whisper. He opened his eyes to peek shyly at Spock, who was looking as unphased as ever. Typical Vulcan, Jim supposed.</p><p>Truthfully, it had been so long since Jim had gone into subspace that he couldn't recall if Spock's words were truth or simply comfort. Jim had been so young. He had hated every second of being down under Kodos' command that he had never been taught to find anything but shame in the pleasure and peace subspace brought him. Maybe it was okay to enjoy it. Maybe it was okay to feel safe.</p><p>"Vulcans do not lie," Spock said simply. He placed a hand on Jim's shoulder and Jim didn't stop him. He looked up at Spock, eyes starting to blur again at the contact. "Do you want me to take care of you, Jim?"</p><p>Jim made a questioning noise, words failing him. Take care of him how? Wasn't Spock already doing that?</p><p>"Do you want me to take care of <i>this</i>?" Spock clarified, shifting his leg slightly to put some pressure on Jim's cock with his foot. Jim couldn't help but whimper and buck into the touch. That sounded nice. Spock's hands on him. Well, just Spock in general. </p><p>"Pease," Jim moaned, already too far gone to feel embarrassed. "Please."</p><p>"Shh, pi'veh," Spock soothed. "I have you. Here, on the bed." Spock grabbed Jim gently by the shoulders, helping pull Jim up. Jim's limbs felt loose and a little bit like jelly, but he did what he could to help Spock in getting him onto the bed. Spock moved him backwards, allowing Jim to lay back against the pillows. Jim snuggled into them, feeling like he was laying on a cloud.</p><p>"I will give you an option," Spock said, running his fingertips over Jim's bare thighs. Jim tried to buck into the touch, but Spock tutted quietly and he lowered his hips with a pout. "Would you like me to bring you to orgasm with my hand on your cock, my <i> mouth </i> on your cock, or my fingers inside you?"</p><p>Jim trembled at that, whimpering some more. He wanted to buck up again, but Spock was holding his hips down with firm hands now.</p><p>"Spooock," Jim moaned.</p><p>"I gave you your options, Jim," Spock said quietly. "Choose one."</p><p>Jim tried to remember what the options were, but he was struggling. His head was so fuzzy, his dick was so hard. He just wanted Spock to do <i>something</i>. "Everything," He tried with a pant. "I want everything."</p><p>"Greedy," Spock murmured against Jim's skin, placing gentle kisses to Jim's thighs but deliberately avoiding his cock where it was now sticking up and leaking precum from the tip. </p><p>"I'm sorry," Jim whimpered.</p><p>Spock tutted. "Nothing to be sorry for, slor sa-kan. I will take care of you." </p><p>Spock propped himself up on his elbows so he could reach for the nightstand drawer. He continued to trail kisses over Jim's lower half even as he opened the drawer to grab the small bottle of lube inside. He pulled away from Jim's body once he had it in order to open the cap. Jim whimpered at the loss of contact and Spock shushed him.</p><p>Spock moved back so he could spread Jim's legs a little further apart. "Move back on the bed," He commanded. Jim did so, scrambling back as far as he could go and sitting so his knees were slightly bent and his feet were planted on the mattress. "Good boy." Jim moaned, both at the praise and at the sight of Spock between his legs, lubing up a long finger.</p><p>"Give me your color," Spock said softly.</p><p>Jim tried to thrust his hips down in lieu of answering, but Spock wasn't having it. "Verbally, Jim," He scolded lightly. "You have been so obedient today, Jim. I would prefer you not change that."</p><p>"Want to be good for you," Jim said desperately, tears falling from his eyes before he could stop them. He wasn't even upset. He was just overwhelmed, both by subspace and his own arousal. </p><p>"You are good for me, Jim, so good for me," Spock assured him. "Just give me your color, ashaya."</p><p>"G-green," Jim stuttered, panting.</p><p>"Good boy," Spock praised. "T'nash-veh rom sa-kan." </p><p>Slowly, Spock moved the lubed finger to Jim's entrance. He squirted some more lube onto Jim's hole for good measure, and Jim squirmed at the cold feeling. Spock pushed the finger in gently, easing it in almost painfully slow. Jim moaned, throwing his head back so hard he almost hit it on the headboard behind him. Spock pushed his finger all the way inside, finding Jim's prostate and twisting it. Jim cried out, hips arching off the bed. Spock held him down with his free hand.</p><p>"You look so beautiful like this, Jim," Spock praised. "So beautiful all spread out for me. Do you feel good, Jim?"</p><p>Jim couldn't answer, he just grinded down on the finger inside him with a cry. Spock chuckled softly at him. "I will view that as confirmation." </p><p>Spock worked another lubed-up finger into Jim. He began to scissor them apart, twisting his hand at just the right angle to hit that sweet spot inside Jim every time. Jim was moaning wantonly now, body squirming wildly to get more of Spock's fingers inside of him. Jim's cock was hard and leaking against his stomach now, and it moved with every thrust of Jim's hips onto Spock's hand. Jim  felt like he was going insane. He truly felt like he was floating out into open space, the only thing keeping him grounded was Spock's hand inside him and the collar resting around his throat.</p><p>Jim was already seeing stars, but then Spock leaned forward to take Jim's cock into the heat of his mouth. Jim full on wailed, unable to stop himself from thrusting up into Spock's mouth. Jim had shut his eyes again at some point, but he opened them to find Spock looking at him hungrily, lips wrapped around Jim's dick and two fingers still jabbing at Jim's prostate. Jim couldn't take it. He thrusted once more into the wet heat of Spock's mouth before he was orgasming with a scream, tears flowing freely down his face, body moving on its own accord, and Jim calling out some mangled version of Spock's name. </p><p>Spock worked him through it, his fingers still moving gently inside of Jim and his throat swallowing Jim's load. Spock remained on his cock until he had sucked Jim dry and Jim was sobbing with oversensitivity. Spock pulled off of Jim with a <i>pop</i> and slowly eased his fingers out of Jim's hole. Jim whimpered at how empty he felt. </p><p>Jim wasn't really sure what planet he was on, but as long as Spock was here with him, he was more than happy to be floating into nonsense like this.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Jim was a wonder.</p><p>Spock watched as Jim came down from his orgasm. He was crying and breathing heavily, still grinding his hips down even though Spock had removed his fingers from Jim. Spock took a moment to admire him before he began stroking Jim's sides soothingly, pressing soft kisses to tear-stained cheeks.</p><p>"You are so good, ashayam," Spock murmured against Jim's warm skin. "That was beautiful. You have done so well."</p><p>Jim mewled at the praise, extending his chin for a kiss. Spock granted him it. It was a little messy given Jim's daze and lack of coordination, but Spock didn't mind. He adored the feeling of Jim's lips and tongue against his own. </p><p>Spock himself was hard as a rock, but he wouldn't ask Jim to tend to his erection. Not like this when Jim was overwhelmed by subspace. Spock lifted himself off of Jim's body, ready to go grab some towels to clean his sweat-covered lover off, but Jim grabbed him by the hip. Spock quirked an eyebrow.</p><p>"You," Jim panted.</p><p>"I am here," Spock said softly, squeezing Jim's arm gently for emphasis.</p><p>Jim shook his head. His unfocused blue eyes opened to meet Spock's. "You... Come."</p><p>Ah.</p><p>Spock gave a little shake of his head. "I do not need to orgasm, Jim. I am already satisfied. You are tired, we should bring you up,"</p><p>Jim shook his head again, whimpering. "Want you to." And then, "Please, Spock."</p><p>Spock sighed. He was so weak to Jim already. Jim was surely on his way to becoming quite the spoiled submissive, because Spock could not foresee himself telling those baby blues or those pouting pink lips 'no' anytime soon.</p><p>"Color?" Spock asked quietly, running a hand through Jim's sweaty bangs. </p><p>"G-green," Jim stuttered, shaking slightly. </p><p>"Very well," Spock placed a gentle kiss to Jim's forehead. "How would you like me to orgasm? You have behaved so well, I will allow you to choose as your reward."</p><p>Jim was breathing heavily, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as though this were a very difficult decision. Anything would probably be a difficult decision with the mindset Jim was in now. </p><p>"M-mouth?" Jim managed to get out. "In my mouth?"</p><p>Spock bit his lip to control the groan that threatened to escape his mouth. Yes, that sounded nice.</p><p>"You are sure?" He asked softly.</p><p>Jim nodded, squirming. "Please."</p><p>Spock nodded back. He rose from the bed, ignoring Jim's whine at the way the mattress dipped in his absence. He walked over to the side of the bed, pulling the waistband of his pants and boxers down low enough to rest beneath his balls, tinted-green cock hanging out. It was flushed green at the head, precum forming at his slit. Jim moaned at the sight, and Spock felt like he was going to burst already at the way Jim was drooling a little bit out of the corner of his mouth.</p><p>Jim needed no direction. He moved closer to where Spock stood, opening his mouth wide. Spock slowly entered that beautiful mouth, groaning low in his throat at Jim's warmth and at the sight of those pink lips wrapped tightly around his cock. He didn't thrust, though he wanted to. Instead, he allowed Jim to suckle and lick weakly. Jim was too tired and out of it to give a proper blowjob, but it was still Jim, so it felt amazing. Spock let out a moan.</p><p>He pulled back, watching as Jim's lust-blown eyes followed the movement adorably. Spock began to jerk himself, using his leaking Vulcan fluid as lube. He kept the tip of his cock right at Jim's lips, moaning at the feeling of his own hand and of the way Jim extended his tongue out to lick at the tip. Jim moaned, and it was too much. Spock moved forward so he could come into Jim's open mouth. He let out a loud grunt as he did so. Jim moaned as Spock's seed filled his mouth. </p><p>Jim couldn't quite swallow it all, and some of the white dripped out of Jim's mouth, going down his chin. When Spock had emptied himself completely, he used his thumb to gather the remains that had gotten away and held it up to Jim. Jim gladly took Spock's thumb into his mouth, eyes shutting again and tongue swirling around to lick up the remains. Jim swallowed, then looked up at Spock's face. His face had gone a little slack, eyes unfocused.</p><p>"You are the most wonderful boy in the world," Spock said in disbelief. "I love you so much."</p><p>The words were out before he could stop them. Jim- still deep down in subspace- only frowned at them slightly, but otherwise didn't respond. He just collapsed back onto the pillows with a loud whine. </p><p>"One second, ashaya," Spock whispered. He went into the bathroom to gather a wet towel, then hurried downstairs to retrieve another glass of water. When he returned, Jim was sprawled out onto the bed, breathing heavily and tears flowing down his cheeks.</p><p>Spock set the glass of water on the nightstand next to the empty dishes. He was gentle as he used the cloth to wipe the sweat off of Jim's body and the little bit of stickiness that had gotten on Jim's cheek and chin from Spock's orgasm. Jim kept his eyes fluttered shut, allowing Spock to move and clean him. When Spock was done with the cloth, he unclasped the collar and removed it. Jim's hands shot out in  protest, but Spock lowered them gently.</p><p>"That is enough for tonight," Spock spoke softly, but made sure his tone was firm enough that Jim would register it as a command. Jim pouted slightly, eyes slipping open, but he didn't fight it. Spock put the collar in the nightstand drawer and pulled Jim into a sitting position. He held the glass of water to Jim's lips. Jim obediently drank until the glass was half-empty. Jim pulled away then, indicating he had had enough. Good enough.</p><p>Spock set the glass down then pecked Jim quickly on the cheek. "I am going to run your bath. You may lay here or come into the bathroom when you are ready."</p><p>Spock went back into the bathroom, tossing the towel in the refresher. He began running a warm bath for Jim. The bath was nearly film when Jim walked into the bathroom, still looking dazed but like he was coming to. Spock opened his arms and was pleased when Jim went into them easily, accepting a hug and some kisses. </p><p>"It is ready," Spock said, reaching to turn off the water. He helped guide Jim into the tub. Jim made a pleased noise at the warmth and settled in. He had gone nonverbal, and Spock needed to help him come back to himself. </p><p>"Lean back," Spock instructed gently. "I wish to wash your hair."</p><p>Jim did so. Spock used his hands to cup some water and wet Jim's hair before he grabbed the shampoo and conditioner to do the walking. Jim was pliant as Spock massaged his scalp with his fingers, washing and rinsing Jim's hair. Jim let out a content sigh when it was done. He smiled fondly at Spock, and Spock's heart melted at the sight.</p><p>"It is time to come back, ashaya," Spock murmured. </p><p>Jim blinked a couple times and slightly more focused eyes met Spock's. "Hi," He whispered.</p><p>"Hello, vasurik," Spock said fondly, reaching out to hold Jim's cheek in his hand. Jim leaned into the touch. </p><p>"Bath is nice," Jim said sleepily.</p><p>"I am glad you enjoy it," Spock responded. "How are you feeling?"</p><p>Jim cocked his head to the side in thought. "Good, I think. Just tired. A little anxious. But not bad..." He trailed off a moment. "Not like before."</p><p>"That is very good, Jim," Spock said. "And you enjoyed yourself?"</p><p>Jim blushed a little, but he nodded. Spock couldn't help but lean forward to kiss him and was glad when Jim kissed back. They kissed slow and gentle, Spock holding Jim's face and Jim leaning gratefully into the contact.</p><p>"Thank you," Jim said quietly when they pulled away.</p><p>"For what?," Spock asked, patting Jim's cheek lightly. </p><p> "Taking care of me," Jim said quietly, averting Spock's eyes. </p><p> As sweet as the sentiment was, Spock couldn't help the sadness he felt at it. Jim had been taught at such a young age that submission was about being hurt, about being forced to serve and gaining nothing. He had never known a dominant- other than his father and the doctor- who had cared for him; who had recognized that their job <i>was</i> to care for him.</p><p>"It is my duty to do so, and I find great enjoyment in it," Spock replied softly. "I will always care for you; as long as you allow me to."</p><p>Jim smiled. He yawned then, stretching his limbs out in the bath a little. "What are we going to do the rest of the day?"</p><p>"I must work some on my thesis this afternoon, but my presence is not needed at Starfleet," Spock said. "We may relax here for most of the day or go out if you wish."</p><p> Jim leaned back some in the tub and cocked his head to the side as though he were thinking deeply. "We could stay here for most of the day... I'm kinda tired. Then maybe go for a walk or something? Just to get out?" </p><p> "That is a good suggestion, Jim," Spock placed a gentle kiss to Jim's lips, glad when the younger man leaned into it. "I have something I would like to ask of you, but you are welcome to decline if you are not comfortable."</p><p>"What is it?" Jim asked, eyebrow shooting up and body tensing slightly.</p><p>"I am not sure if you would be interested," Spock confessed.</p><p>"Try me," Jim retorted.</p><p>"My parents have been wanting us to join them for dinner," Spock mumbled. "They had asked if we would like to tomorrow evening. I understand if this is overwhelming to you."</p><p>Jim was quiet. He opened his mouth, then shut it. Spock was about to assure Jim that he would gladly postpone this dinner, but Jim spoke. "No, we can go. You haven't seen your mom in a while."</p><p>"Are you sure?" Spock asked. "I do not want to force you to push too many boundaries. It will not be beneficial."</p><p>Jim shook his head, leaning in to press a quick kiss to Spock's cheek. Spock's cheeks tinted green. "I want to go. I promise."</p><p>"Very well," Spock couldn't help but give a small smile. "We should get you out of the bath before you overheat."</p><p>Jim pouted slightly, but obliged. He allowed Spock to help him to his feet and dry him as the water drained. Once Jim was dry, he went to go find some clothes in the bedroom. Spock went to throw the towel in the refresher, but Jim's voice called out to him.</p><p>"Spock?"</p><p>"Yes?" Spock looked up to find Jim watching him, chewing on his bottom lip as though he wished to say something.</p><p>Spock's stomach felt tight. This was probably about his declaration of love he had made while they were still in bed. Spock had nearly forgotten and had hoped that Jim had forgotten himself. Jim was probably uncomfortable. Wonderful. Spock had just gotten Jim to trust him and now-</p><p>"Thanks for the bath," Jim said, cutting off Spock's internal panic.</p><p>Jim certainly looked like he had something more pressing on his mind, but Spock shook it off. He offered Jim a nod. "Of course, Jim."</p><p>Jim nodded back and left. Spock watched him a little longingly., before sighing and following Jim back into the bedroom. There were feelings that needed to be dealt with, but he would get to those later.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>As Jim stared at himself in the mirror, straightening the collar of his shirt, he couldn't help but feel a little nostalgic.</p><p>It felt like just yesterday he was fixing himself up to meet Sarek and Amanda for the first time, hoping that his nice clothing would be enough to convince them to grant him a bond with their son. However, instead of Bones entering the room to give Jim an approving once-over, it was Spock. Jim really wasn't sure what the people who were basically in-laws would find appealing, so he had opted for a simple black button-up shirt and a pair of brown slacks.</p><p>Spock stepped beside Jim, wrapping a loose arm around his waist. "You look very beautiful, ashayam." Spock himself was dressed in a navy sweater with a gray collar underneath and a pair of black pants. </p><p>Jim blushed, ducking his head. Spock complimented him so often, offered him so many little gestures of praise and affection, yet Jim still felt warm and giddy every time. "Thank you," He mumbled.</p><p>Spock placed a kiss to Jim's temple. "We should depart soon. Punctuality is a very important Vulcan principle."</p><p>"I'm not sure I'll fit in with the family then," Jim said bashfully. Bones would gladly testify to Jim's personal lack of punctuality.</p><p>"Nonsense," Spock countered, "Even tardiness could not tarnish how lovely you are." He removed his arm from Jim's waist and exited their bathroom. </p><p>Jim sighed, taking one last look at himself and fixing his hair some, before following. Before he could follow Spock out of their bedroom, he noticed the small, familiar box poking out from under their bed. He paused.</p><p>Jim and the collar within that box had become more acquainted. He had removed it and not put it back on since yesterday morning after his and Spock's scene, but he would be lying if he hadn't slept at night thinking of it around his neck. The fact that Jim had only worn his dominant's collar twice over the course of their month and a half long bond was virtually unheard of. Usually, submissives wore their dominant's collars constantly, especially out in public. When Amanda and Sarek had first come to meet Jim, Amanda had been wearing hers. Would they be expecting Jim to don his? Would they be disappointed to find that Jim didn't constantly flaunt their son's ownership of him?</p><p>"Jim? Are you alright?" Spock appeared in the doorway after noticing that Jim had stopped in his tracks.</p><p>Jim hesitated, biting his lip and looking between Spock and the collar hidden in its box. "Are they gonna expect me to wear it?"</p><p>Spock frowned. "I am unsure what you are referring to."</p><p>Jim gestured slightly with his head to show what he was referring to, and Spock hummed in understanding. "It does not matter what they expect. You may wear the collar if you wish, but as it is still a sensitive object for you, I had no intention in forcing it upon you in our first outing like this."</p><p>"But your mom-"</p><p>"You are not my mother," Spock interrupted, stepping closer to Jim. He took Jim's face in both of his hands, guiding Jim's gaze to his. "My mother wears her collar on a daily basis because my father- as her dominant- asks that of her. You are <i>my</i> submissive, not anyone else's. What I ask of you is for you to do what is comfortable for you. If you wish to wear your collar, you may. But no one will judge you for choosing not to. It is not their place, and you will find my parents to be more understanding than you may expect."</p><p>Jim looked into Spock's eyes with a sense of amazement. He had been so resistant to this bond, yet Spock was so gentle, so patient. </p><p>"Do they know?" Jim asked quietly, looking down.</p><p>"If you are asking if my parents know the extent of your past, they do not," Spock replied softly. "They are aware you have spent time on Tarsus; what deductions they have made from that I could not say. But they do not know all that you have experienced. However, they are understanding in your hesitance towards submission."</p><p>"They probably think I'm a freak," Jim said, casting his eyes away.</p><p>"I assure you, they do not," Spock said firmly. He stroked his thumb over Jim's cheek. "If they did, I would not allow them to see you."</p><p>Jim stared at Spock in slight disbelief. "You would really do that? Not see your parents anymore because of me?"</p><p>"You are my bondmate," Spock said simply, as though that sentence alone were explanation enough. "I have sworn to care for you always, and do whatever is required to ensure you are happy and healthy. Have I not established this?"</p><p>Jim blushed. "N-no, no, you have. Sorry."</p><p>Spock leaned in to press a kiss to the corner of Jim's mouth. "No apologies are necessary, ashayam." Spock looked away from Jim to the box poking out from under the bed. "Would you like to wear your collar or not? Answer me honestly and we will follow whichever route you choose."</p><p>Jim sighed and took a moment to think. Sure, he had grown more comfortable with the collar's existence- had even become slightly fond of it when he was alone with Spock- but wearing it in front of others was a whole other thing. Even if it was just Spock's parents, Jim couldn't show off how <i>owned</i> he was that easily. Besides, the collar sent him deep into subspace almost instantly, and that certainly wouldn't be a good thing for his first actual family dinner with these people.</p><p>"Not tonight?" When Jim spoke, it sounded more like a question than an answer. Spock raised an eyebrow, so Jim more firmly declared, "Not tonight. Not yet."</p><p>Spock's face remained neutral and he nodded. He kissed Jim softly then, and Jim melted into the contact, only grounded by Spock's hands holding his face. "Let us go, then. I am sure they are patiently awaiting our arrival."</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Amanda Grayson was a wonderful person.</p><p>Jim had almost thought poorly of her when he'd first met her. He'd hated the way she knelt so easily, wore her collar so willingly, waited on her dominant's every need. </p><p>But Jim had a new perspective now. He knew what it meant to him to wear Spock's collar, and he could understand now why Amanda donned Sarek's. He was envious, almost, of how gladly and easily she accepted submission. If only it could be that simple for him. If only therapy and careful scenes were not needed for Jim to give himself to Spock.</p><p>Additionally, Amanda was a wonderfully sweet person. </p><p>Jim was alone with her now. They had finished their meal a short while ago, a delicious spread of fruits, vegetables, rice, and bread. Amanda had knelt by Sarek's side, accepting bites of food from him while Sarek and Spock had conversed about Federation business and Spock's research projects. Jim had not knelt by Spock's side and had fed himself. Sarek had seemed slightly confused by Jim's decision to sit in a chair beside his mate rather than on the floor for him, but hadn't said anything about it. He had spoken to Jim polite enough, asking basic small talk questions. When the housekeepers cleared the table, Spock and Sarek had gone to Sarek's study for some conversation Jim had minimal concern for, and Jim had been left downstairs in the living area with Amanda, who was sitting on a floorpad on the floor while Jim sat awkwardly on the couch near her.</p><p>"Your eyes are very beautiful," Amanda said softly. She was studying Jim fondly, her head cocked slightly to the side. "I didn't get a good look at them when we'd first met. But now that we can be so close, I see that Spock was right."</p><p>"Right about what?" Jim asked with a frown.</p><p>"He's frequently mentioned how stunningly blue they are in transmissions," Amanda smiled. "He speaks very fondly of you."</p><p>Jim blushed furiously, feeling warmth pooling in his stomach. "H-he does?"</p><p>Amanda laughed softly at him. "Yes, of course. Not just of your physical beauty, but of how smart and funny you are as well. He's very taken by you."</p><p>Jim felt a warmth flooding through him that he couldn't quite explain. The idea that Spock thought fondly of him, cared for him enough to tell his <i>mother</i> such good things about Jim... Jim wasn't sure what to do. It was almost overwhelming. </p><p>"I don't deserve him," Jim said more to himself than to Amanda. "He's so good to me and patient and I just... I'm surprised he says nice things. I'm not a very good sub."</p><p>Jim flinched slightly when he felt a hand reach out to grab his. Amanda had leaned forward slightly, taking Jim's hand in her own and giving it a gentle squeeze. He didn't pull away from it, though his body tensed greatly. "You shouldn't compare yourself to other submissives, sweetheart. Submission takes time and practice. Even I wasn't the picture perfect sub you see today when I was your age."</p><p>"Really?" Jim asked, raising an eyebrow. He couldn't imagine Amanda as anything but perfectly obedient and content to be so. </p><p>"I was hesitant to be bonded," Amanda replied. "I didn't want to be owned, or be someone's slave. But when I was bonded to Sarek... Things changed. It wasn't overnight, but I accepted submission eventually. He was a caring dominant to me, he helped me every step of the way. It's in our biology, Jim. We crave the bond." She paused, as though thinking of her words carefully. "I don't know all that you've been through, but I know it must've been very difficult. And it must be just as difficult to submit to Spock as a result. But I know my son. He is a kind, caring dominant, and I know how greatly he adores you. He will never force you into submission, but I hope you will one day find full comfort in it."</p><p>Jim was quiet, taking the words in. It was true that Spock was kind and caring. And it was reassuring that bonding was not as easy for everyone else as he had previously thought. Jim cared for Spock greatly. Spock cared for him, too. Spock was not Kodos; Spock wanted Jim's submission and his love, not his forced servitude. Maybe one day Jim would find himself in Amanda's shoes, happily kneeling and wearing his dominant's collars. Maybe he wouldn't, but he felt that Spock would love him regardless.</p><p>Love.</p><p>What a word.</p><p>
  <i> "I love you so much." </i>
</p><p>Spock had said that, had he not? Jim was sure he had heard it through the haze of his subspace, was sure that even though he was light-headed and floating, Spock <i> had </i> confessed love for him. Jim wanted that, didn't he?</p><p>"Thank you," Jim said, squeezing Amanda's hand back. "Thank you for everything."</p><p><i>Mostly,</i> Jim thought, <i>Thank you for creating Spock. Because I think I might be in love with him</i>.</p><p>But he didn't say that aloud. He just sat there, smiling and thinking of the Vulcan upstairs.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>"I would not have come for dinner if I was aware you were going to force such a conversation upon me," Spock grumbled.</p><p>He stood in the far corner of his father's study, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed tightly over his chest. Sarek sat in his chair behind his desk, eyeing Spock with slightly frustrated eyes.</p><p>"It is a conversation that can not be postponed further," Sarek replied. "You are aware of what is approaching. It would be foolish to deny it."</p><p>Spock sighed, breaking away from his father's gaze. Sarek was right, of course, but Spock wasn't ready to admit it. </p><p>The conversation in reference was, of course, Spock's <i> pon farr </i>.</p><p>It was the Vulcan mating ritual. Spock's time to bond with a mate was quickly approaching, and now that he had been bonded in the name of Earth law to Jim, it should've been perfect. Should've been ideal. But Jim was just beginning his road to recovery. He had just become comfortable with submitting to Spock. How would he react to the animalistic way Spock would behave during his pon farr? How would he react to being permanently linked to Spock, mentally, emotionally and physically? Spock had no desire to answer these questions.</p><p>"Is it because you do not find James to be the one?" Sarek asked. "You do not believe he is your t'hy'la?"</p><p>"Jim," Spock snapped in correction. "And no, father, that is not the case. I am certain Jim is my th'y'la."</p><p>"Then what is the problem?" Sarek asked, clearly not grasping.</p><p>"It is unfair for me to ask for such a thing from Jim," Spock replied. "You do not understand his history, his emotions. It would be most detrimental to our relationship to mate now."</p><p>"I am afraid you do not have a choice, my son," Sarek said, almost sounding sympathetic. "You understand your own biology. You will need to mate regardless of whether Jim is emotionally ready for such a thing."</p><p>"There must be another solution," Spock said, more to himself than to his father. "I can spend time apart from Jim; allow myself to go through the pon farr alone."</p><p>"You can postpone this no longer," Sarek answered grimly. "It will kill you, Spock. If Jim is your t'hy'la, you must act upon it. For yourself and for your mate."</p><p>Spock opened his mouth, but closed it. There was no point in arguing. Sarek was right, whether Spock wanted to accept such a fact or not. He thought of Jim; sweet, blue-eyed, beautiful Jim. His mate. His t'hy'la. </p><p>He knew what he had to do.</p><p>
  <b>*****</b>
</p><p>Spock held Jim tightly in his arms that night, feeling the younger man's heartbeat and light breathing. He was warm against Spock's body, hair tickling Spock's chin from where Jim's head rested on Spock's chest. </p><p>"I can hear you thinking," Jim mumbled against Spock's skin.</p><p>"My apologies," Spock murmured, stroking Jim's back. "I thought you were sleeping, ashaya."</p><p>Jim rose up a little to blink at Spock with tired eyes. "I was. But I could hear unrest in here." He pointed to his temple.</p><p>"I will work to keep my thoughts to myself," Spock apologized. "Please go back to sleep."</p><p>"I don't want to sleep," Jim said. "I want you to tell me what's stressing you out."</p><p>"It is not something to concern yourself with," Spock said softly.</p><p>"Please," Jim persisted, pale blue eyes watching Spock intently.</p><p>Spock couldn't deny him. Spock reached out to cup Jim's face gently with one hand. </p><p>"Jim, have you heard of <i> pon farr </i>?"</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><i> ashayam </i> = beloved<br/><i> ashaya </i> = love<br/><i> ha'su <i> = angel<br/><i> t'nash-veh ashaya</i> = my love<br/><i> t'hy'la </i> = soulmate</i></i></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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